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need advice about visitation

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LadyQ posted 5/18/2013 20:43 PM

My kids are 18 and 16, and they don't like going to their dad's. I know they don't have to, but I want them to have a chance to have a relationship with their dad, so I try to encourage them to go. The problem is, he has no clue how to relate to them. I realize I can't influence THAT at all, but how do I support the kids? What do I say when they complain that he doesn't do anything with them? They go to lunch on Saturday, and then go back to his place to watch TV. And they watch TV all day Sunday, too. I know I can't offer him advice, but what do I tell my kids???

I know someone here has BTDT. anyone with wise words??

Ashland13 posted 5/18/2013 20:52 PM

Hi LadyQ,

I put a visitation question up today, too!

STBXH/Perv is a very electronic-oriented person and DD has complained of similar things as your kids.

One thing that I did a few years ago that she liked was to get a video game setup. It's not ideal, but gets them "Playing together".

The other thing she does is ask him herself, "What do you want to do, dad?" And she tries really hard to do that-help with a chore, ride bikes, watch some parts of his movies instead of hers...

It's hard to engage an adult for kid sometimes, I think.

And I know there are the opinions who say we should stay out of it, but I feel the way you do and try to have limited input-just mentioning that to her and not to him if she complains she was bored. She told me she gets movies put on over and over for a lot of the time, so it also makes me work extra hard when it's my turn.

I don't know if that will help any.

PurpleRose posted 5/19/2013 04:30 AM

Part of the reason my 12 year old refused to continue going to her dads was because she said she had nothing to do. She would wander the neighborhood by herself (not ok!!) or sit in his house watching him play video games with her brother.

I really don't know what to tell you other than some men don't know how to relate to kids of the opposite sex, and some just can't relate to their kids period.

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