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Should I be mean

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stilltrying2025 posted 5/18/2013 21:47 PM

So, after seeing the messages to my best friend which said he would take care or her with his tongue, I'm really tempted to change my status on Facebook from married to separated. Is it too early to do that? He wants a 3 month separation but after those texts I don't want anything to do with him. Dumb......

LadyQ posted 5/18/2013 21:50 PM

I removed my status when I realized he hadn't ever stopped contact. That way I didn't have to worry about what it was at any time. My status just doesn't exist...

Nature_Girl posted 5/18/2013 21:53 PM

Change it to whatever YOU want. That level of public indecency, a married man publicly telling a woman who is not his wife that he will use his tongue on her, is a clear indication of his dismissal of his marriage vows. What do YOU want to do about it?

SBB posted 5/18/2013 21:56 PM

Don't feed the drama lama. Remove relationship status all together.

I've seen relationship status changes and the like on FB and rather than empathise with the person I think "Oh dear - attention seeker much?".

The sad clown changed his FB status days after DD and was upset that only 2 people even mentioned it.

The key is to not do anything to incite a reaction. It makes him seem important to you and does nothing for your own healing. It keeps you attached and stops you from detaching.

The best revenge is living your own life and living it well - find your happiness. By then you won't want revenge or vengeance.

stilltrying2025 posted 5/18/2013 22:15 PM

How do I get rid of the relationship status? It just keeps saying the same thing! Married, single, in a relationship, etc, etc. Help!!!

Nature_Girl posted 5/18/2013 22:23 PM

Basic Information
Relationshp Status
"blank" (there's actually nothing there, click on the nothing)

ButterflyGirl posted 5/18/2013 22:30 PM

After I filed for D, I changed it to single, but then deleted the post that announced that I changed it.. But probably removing it altogether is the best idea..

Sorry you had to see those messages


hurtbs posted 5/18/2013 23:21 PM

I removed my status from FB to avoid the mass notification and thus FB drama.

Nature_Girl posted 5/18/2013 23:49 PM

When I changed it to separated there was no notification sent to anyone. No one knew. No one noticed.

crazynot posted 5/19/2013 01:29 AM

I agree in general about FB statuses... but think anything you do now to reinforce your separatedness is a good thing. Who cares what he wants? Don't work to his timetable.

million pieces posted 5/19/2013 07:35 AM

When I blocked him, it automatically took him off as my husband. Evidently there was some notice about that because that was one of the million stupid things he got mad at me about (I blocked him because he told me he wasn't coming home, ever via FB ).

Yes, blocking him on FB is sooooo much worse than fucking a whore for 6months behind my back.

Coraline posted 5/19/2013 16:24 PM

I don't get the attitude about Facebook relationship statuses being attention seeking behavior. Do people hide their status when they get married, so no one will accuse them of seeking attention for changing it? You see, the real problem here is that we have a cultural norm that says we aren't allowed to talk about anything "negative" and if we do, we're accusing of being drama queens or attention whores. Changing it from married to single or divorced or separated is no more attention seeking than changing it from single to married! We are allowed to talk about our lives, and we shouldn't feel ashamed of just telling the truth.

I think everyone needs to read the book Dance of Deception. It's written for women, but men could benefit from it, too. It goes into a lot of detail about how society shames women into keeping men's secrets and into keeping anything negative hidden away, to protect others from feeling discomfort. But it's not my job to keep anyone else from feeling uncomfortable because something bad happens to me. That's absurd. If something bad happens to me, I'm the one who needs protection, not everyone else (except my kids)!

All that being said, I didn't change my relationship status. However, when I'm divorce, I'm changing it, and no, I will not hide it just to prevent other people from feeling awkward or being judgmental. Why should I?

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