Cookies are required for login or registration. Please read and agree to our cookie policy to continue.

Newest Member: HeartbrokenQueen

Divorce/Separation :
Should I be mean

This Topic is Archived
default

 stilltrying2025 (original poster member #39145) posted at 3:47 AM on Sunday, May 19th, 2013

So, after seeing the messages to my best friend which said he would take care or her with his tongue, I'm really tempted to change my status on Facebook from married to separated. Is it too early to do that? He wants a 3 month separation but after those texts I don't want anything to do with him. Dumb......

Me: 38
WH: 43
DD: Thanksgiving Day, 2012
Status: Separated

posts: 184   ·   registered: Apr. 30th, 2013   ·   location: Minnesota
id 6341316
default

LadyQ ( member #32847) posted at 3:50 AM on Sunday, May 19th, 2013

I removed my status when I realized he hadn't ever stopped contact. That way I didn't have to worry about what it was at any time. My status just doesn't exist...

Tune out the noise of what others tell you about who you are and work it out for yourself...

posts: 1650   ·   registered: Jul. 21st, 2011
id 6341321
default

Nature_Girl ( member #32554) posted at 3:53 AM on Sunday, May 19th, 2013

Change it to whatever YOU want. That level of public indecency, a married man publicly telling a woman who is not his wife that he will use his tongue on her, is a clear indication of his dismissal of his marriage vows. What do YOU want to do about it?

Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

posts: 10722   ·   registered: Jun. 21st, 2011   ·   location: USA
id 6341324
default

SBB ( member #35229) posted at 3:56 AM on Sunday, May 19th, 2013

Don't feed the drama lama. Remove relationship status all together.

I've seen relationship status changes and the like on FB and rather than empathise with the person I think "Oh dear - attention seeker much?".

The sad clown changed his FB status days after DD and was upset that only 2 people even mentioned it.

The key is to not do anything to incite a reaction. It makes him seem important to you and does nothing for your own healing. It keeps you attached and stops you from detaching.

The best revenge is living your own life and living it well - find your happiness. By then you won't want revenge or vengeance.

I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

posts: 6062   ·   registered: Apr. 4th, 2012   ·   location: Australia
id 6341328
default

 stilltrying2025 (original poster member #39145) posted at 4:15 AM on Sunday, May 19th, 2013

How do I get rid of the relationship status? It just keeps saying the same thing! Married, single, in a relationship, etc, etc. Help!!!

Me: 38
WH: 43
DD: Thanksgiving Day, 2012
Status: Separated

posts: 184   ·   registered: Apr. 30th, 2013   ·   location: Minnesota
id 6341340
default

Nature_Girl ( member #32554) posted at 4:23 AM on Sunday, May 19th, 2013

About

Basic Information

Edit

Relationshp Status

"blank" (there's actually nothing there, click on the nothing)

Save

Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

posts: 10722   ·   registered: Jun. 21st, 2011   ·   location: USA
id 6341352
default

ButterflyGirl ( member #38377) posted at 4:30 AM on Sunday, May 19th, 2013

After I filed for D, I changed it to single, but then deleted the post that announced that I changed it.. But probably removing it altogether is the best idea..

Sorry you had to see those messages

Hugs..

xBW~ 40
Two DS~ 15 and 11

posts: 3123   ·   registered: Feb. 6th, 2013   ·   location: Flat Earth
id 6341360
default

hurtbs ( member #10866) posted at 5:21 AM on Sunday, May 19th, 2013

I removed my status from FB to avoid the mass notification and thus FB drama.

Me - 40 something. WXH DDay 2006, Divorced 2012
WBF DDay #1 9/2022 #2 11/2022
Single

posts: 15762   ·   registered: Jun. 1st, 2006   ·   location: So Cal
id 6341404
default

Nature_Girl ( member #32554) posted at 5:49 AM on Sunday, May 19th, 2013

When I changed it to separated there was no notification sent to anyone. No one knew. No one noticed.

Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

posts: 10722   ·   registered: Jun. 21st, 2011   ·   location: USA
id 6341425
default

crazynot ( member #24572) posted at 7:29 AM on Sunday, May 19th, 2013

I agree in general about FB statuses... but think anything you do now to reinforce your separatedness is a good thing. Who cares what he wants? Don't work to his timetable.

Me - 50
Him - 51
DDay 21 March 2009
Divorcing and delighted!

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it.

posts: 1463   ·   registered: Jun. 26th, 2009   ·   location: UK
id 6341446
default

million pieces ( member #27539) posted at 1:35 PM on Sunday, May 19th, 2013

When I blocked him, it automatically took him off as my husband. Evidently there was some notice about that because that was one of the million stupid things he got mad at me about (I blocked him because he told me he wasn't coming home, ever via FB ).

Yes, blocking him on FB is sooooo much worse than fucking a whore for 6months behind my back.

Me - 52 D-Day 2/5/10, separated 3 wks later, Divorced 11/15/11!!!!

posts: 2040   ·   registered: Feb. 10th, 2010   ·   location: MD
id 6341536
default

Coraline ( member #36434) posted at 10:24 PM on Sunday, May 19th, 2013

I don't get the attitude about Facebook relationship statuses being attention seeking behavior. Do people hide their status when they get married, so no one will accuse them of seeking attention for changing it? You see, the real problem here is that we have a cultural norm that says we aren't allowed to talk about anything "negative" and if we do, we're accusing of being drama queens or attention whores. Changing it from married to single or divorced or separated is no more attention seeking than changing it from single to married! We are allowed to talk about our lives, and we shouldn't feel ashamed of just telling the truth.

I think everyone needs to read the book Dance of Deception. It's written for women, but men could benefit from it, too. It goes into a lot of detail about how society shames women into keeping men's secrets and into keeping anything negative hidden away, to protect others from feeling discomfort. But it's not my job to keep anyone else from feeling uncomfortable because something bad happens to me. That's absurd. If something bad happens to me, I'm the one who needs protection, not everyone else (except my kids)!

All that being said, I didn't change my relationship status. However, when I'm divorce, I'm changing it, and no, I will not hide it just to prevent other people from feeling awkward or being judgmental. Why should I?

Me: BW, 34 Him: WH, 35
3 Kids: 9, 3, and 1
Decree nisi will become absolute in January. We are DONE.

posts: 771   ·   registered: Aug. 11th, 2012
id 6341884
This Topic is Archived
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20250404a 2002-2025 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy