IMO- from a BS in month 8
It will get better. Just give it time. I am in month 8 and the pain has lessened. It is so hard and bumpy. I know it seems like it will never end and you want to feel better NOW. Hold On
Happy days do come. They will last longer and the rages will be less intense when you get them. Even if the thoughts of the A are there everyday.
4 things of advice.
Get support,(especially from those that can relate) don't be afraid to air the dirty laundry. Affairs thrive in secrecy. IMO-the more who know, the more the A becomes a bad fairytale story for the WS.
R does happen if you are both committed. I am still working on it, but I feel and see a big difference since D-day.
Don't focus on keeping your WS or winning them. Focus on the M when you start to ask yourself if you want this WS in your life. When you realize you deserve better. Focus on yourself and finding yourself until then.
Vent, vent, vent to us. It does help and may give your WS a bit of reprieve too (I am not saying to let them off the hook, it just means that it makes R a little easier) We understand and will not get frustrated with you.