[This message edited by Memphis at 6:33 PM, May 19th (Sunday)]
He tells me pain has short memory, when i asked him how could he cheat on me when he knew the pain of how it felt to be cheated on....
I too feel completely knocked down again. I feel like a fool. I feel like an idiot. And then a few times a day I find my self-esteem again and I feel myself strong, independent and able to move forward. I'm trying to breath through all the moments. I know i have to leave. It's the only way to salvage my self esteem and feel strong again. How about you? How are you coping these past 2 months?
Do you have any ideas of how to help yourself heal and get through this?
I am glad you found us.
And, ummm...you know what he did is a tad bit more than a mistake, right?
Exactly jjct. My wife and even our MC uses that word at times, and even I do if I don't catch myself.
The first time my WW hooked up with the OM was, possibly, giving her every benefit of the doubt, a "mistake." Especially with alcohol involved.
But hookup #2 wasn't a mistake, and by hookup Nos. 99, 100, 101, etc. - "mistake" had left the building a long time ago.
Long-term bad behavior is just that. Not a mistake.
So sorry for what you're going through Memphis, I wish peace and healing for you.
[This message edited by Sal1995 at 2:10 PM, May 19th (Sunday)]
Untangle your finances from him and get out while it's easier to do and investments won't affect kids. I assume yours are adults already? Just run. If they cheat in the first year when the lust factor is in full inferno, that means he's not "all-in" with the heart, and he will grow more unattached as the "fire" dies down even more. Run.
It's not you who isn't good enough, it's him who is not good enough.
He could be a serial cheater who saw you as needy and naive and very hopeful, so fed you a line of sh*t hoping it would take you 35 years to figure it out, which his how long it took the last time.
If he is in any way financially dependant on you, then you really, really need to run and separate finances FAST.
[This message edited by Heavy Sigh at 2:28 PM, May 19th (Sunday)]
Right now we are so hurt, but we have HOPE, hope that we will know how to choose better, how to express about what betrayal does to a person, a marriage - and you seemed to have done just that, and yet here you are.
Why are these people so selfish???
Me -BS (49)
DS 21, DD 17
i really admire your ability to keep it together most of the time! With my Sicilian ancestry, i was brought up in a very "real" and free emotional household and am "allowed" to have my emotions to get free range of expression - good, but also not always a good thing. Sounds like you want to keep cool with him which sounds very very wise, but here you can talk about anything, if that makes you feel any better. And he might talk about being together for the rest of your lives, but on whose terms? These cheaters, they can be very charming, believable; they are amazingly talented liars. I'm so sorry but I would not trust him and I would start to plan your escape. I'm so so so so sorry you are going through this.
It is something isn't it, having both of the men who you exchanged marriage vows with betray you. Even tho everyone says it is something broken in our WHs, it really makes me feel that there is something wrong with me.
I will NEVER trust anyone 100% again, never.
Sending you hugs & strength.
Sending hugs to you.
I really feel for BS's that are going through this with another WS. It is certainly not fair to have to live your life like this again. (((HUGS)))
I too am in my 2nd marriage & have been betrayed for the 2nd time.
I had been cheated on in my first marriage (no children in that marriage), & my discovery of his A led to a D.
Add me to the club.
Indescribable pain. My WH#2 even went as far as to mock and ridicule my XH#1 for what he had done while doing the same thing since we were DATING. I still fight with the "am I just not worth being faithful to" mentality every day.