SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi. I hope I am posting this in the right place and would be so grateful for any advice/help.

In the fall of 2012 I learned that my spouse no longer wanted to be married to me. I had no idea. He had lost his job that spring and was on a 6 mon. severance pkg. Bottom line, we traveled to several areas while he interviewed, etc and chose a location that we both ended up getting job offers and accepted them. He let me work through a 30 day notice at my job and then on the evening of my last day after my job was over he told me he was done with the marriage. Shock and hurt are just not strong enough words. I asked him if he was having an affair, wanted to or had the promise or desire to be with someone else in the future. He denied it all and said no. Long story, but I have since found out that he is with another woman that he has known since 2008 and that they are serious...spend every weekend together since January 2013. we separated in dec. 12. He has lied to me nonstop each time I've asked about it since. I have no proof of affair during the marriage (although deep down I started to suspect) and only have proof of them post separation via PIs. I know he left me for this woman. he sent me separation agreement to sign but it was so generic and I didn't want to sign til I had lawyer and proof of them together post separation. I sent over a response to it and just got his response. he is not willing to give me any help with money I am asking for, etc. We also own multiple properties together .

Does anyone have any advice/suggestions on what to do as next steps if you feel your spouse did have affair prior to separation but you don't have the evidence, all you have is post sep. proof? I am trying to decide what route to take via my lawyer...I live in an equitable distribution state...which is not a good thing....

Thanks for reading this!

The first thing you need to do is get a L. And then find out from the L if your state even recognizes infidelity as a fault reason for D and if it does recognize it whether it makes any difference in the division of property. And finally, if it does what level of proof is required.

Unfortunately, most states either do not recognize infidelity for fault, or it makes little difference in the division of property, or the burden of proof is so high that few people even attempt to prove it in D court.

So get a L and also research the D laws in your state or province. There is a lot of information on the internet so you can simply google "Divorce Law" with your state/province name.

[This message edited by Dreamboat at 11:29 AM, May 19th (Sunday)]

Ugh, equitable distribution state. :(

I'm not sure what your state considers are part of divorce. I think for most states, it probably doesn't matter if he was cheating during the marriage. I understand why you would want to know for your owns sake, I'm just not sure from a legal standpoint, it makes any difference. But I would find yourself an attorney and make sure.

I am in a no fault and fault state (adultery being a recognized fault). We are also an equitable distribution state. After doing research as well as talking to a couple of Ls, I have learned that adultery has no affect on the distribution. In fact, I was warned that some judges actually get pissy if you file for fault and basically waste the court's time when it could have been handled thru no fault. I was told I had a 50/50 chance of getting a sympathetic judge, but even then the judges are prohibited thru case law from using the actions of the WS to change the "equitable distribution." That certainly didn't give me the warm fuzzies. However, POS doesn't know this (he is currently out of state) and I am trying to use the threat of a fault D as leverage as we try to work thru our pro se dissolution paperwork.