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the boomerang relationship - passive agressiveness

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inconnu posted 5/19/2013 15:17 PM

I was looking for something else entirely and came across this article I had printed out several years ago after someone posted the link here on SI. With some of the recent posts in this forum, the timing seems apropos. Here's the link

Maybe it'll help someone now as much as it helped me before.

PurpleRose posted 5/19/2013 17:10 PM

Very interesting!

The typical passive aggressive man has not worked through his anger and power issues with his parents so he replays them in current relationships. His anger comes out in passive way of avoidance.

Eye opening.

He may be a workaholic, a womanizer, hooked on TV, caught in addictions or self-involved hobbies.

phmh posted 5/19/2013 18:37 PM

For as much reading as I've done on P/A, NPD, personality disorders in general, sociopaths, etc., I am still getting new insights into my relationship with XWH. Amazing! Thanks for posting this!

Sue1964 posted 5/19/2013 20:21 PM

Wow I read this and so spot on.

Softcentre posted 5/20/2013 00:43 AM

Yup here too.

newlysingle posted 5/20/2013 01:04 AM

Wow, that is definitely STBX. This was spot on.

Softcentre posted 5/20/2013 02:17 AM

Does that mean that most of us are probably co-dependant too?

dmari posted 5/20/2013 03:28 AM

Wow!! Thank you!! Very insightful! I haven't even read the whole article yet but I am impressed so far!

SBB posted 5/20/2013 04:08 AM

Yes. Wow indeed.

That article describes the 'good' years in the M once the rush of new luurve faded 2 years into it.

A decade wasted. How sad. I cannot believe I lived like that for so long.

Bluebird26 posted 5/20/2013 04:43 AM

TFS, pretty much described my whole adult life so far with my xwh.

areyoukidding posted 5/20/2013 14:02 PM

Holy doodle! It's like the author wrote my STBX's biography. It made me flash back a little...enough to remind me how glad I am that the POS is out of my life!!!

Ashland13 posted 5/20/2013 17:17 PM

Yep, that's Perv to a T!

Also, he likes to not talk about things that bother him if it helps anybody...he will stew on things and keep them inside and then when he can handle no more, BAM!!! That's the PA part.

The combo of PA/NPD are stunning and I will say, beware.

One clue I have now is if a person doesn't bicker/argue...and I mean a not terrible bicker, but inserting their opinions from the beginning.

And, if you're with someone who always lets the other person have their way and says nothing, don't let this happen. I promise. It will bite back, over time, if it's a PA/NPD person.

Well, I went down the list of people in his gynormous family and my smaller one and made a list of the couples. It's terribly interestin to be able to pinpoint the NPD's and CoD's. Amazingly, everyone of the siblings is the Narc in that family...but none of them know it! They just know they can't function together and get along!

And the divorce/unmarried rates are phenomenal too.

Good post, thanks.

Ashland13 posted 5/20/2013 17:29 PM

P.S. If more than one NPD/PA person try to make things work, I haven't found any instances in any relationship I know where they last long-term if there isn't someone willing to be a doormat. But I do know there are exceptions to every rule. And sorry for generalizing.

I also have found that the people who try to be the doormats or give in all the time eventually burst, as well. I think it can only be done for so long, like anything else?

tesla posted 5/20/2013 18:52 PM

His script is ‘Be here for me, but don't come too close and don't burden me with your needs or expectations.'

Weeeellllll...fuck. That sums up my ten years with ex-shat.
I'm so happy that I don't have to deal with that person anymore...ok, almost don't have to deal with him anymore. At least now I can hire a lawyer to deal with his P-A ass.

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