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Newest Member: Tigress5455 (45753)

User Topic: the boomerang relationship - passive agressiveness
inconnu
♀ 24518
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 3:17 PM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was looking for something else entirely and came across this article I had printed out several years ago after someone posted the link here on SI. With some of the recent posts in this forum, the timing seems apropos. Here's the link http://www.angriesout.com/couples8.htm

Maybe it'll help someone now as much as it helped me before.


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12172 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
PurpleRose
♀ 33129
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 5:10 PM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Very interesting!

The typical passive aggressive man has not worked through his anger and power issues with his parents so he replays them in current relationships. His anger comes out in passive way of avoidance.

Eye opening.

He may be a workaholic, a womanizer, hooked on TV, caught in addictions or self-involved hobbies.


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3631 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
phmh
♀ 34146
Member # 34146
Default  Posted: 6:37 PM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For as much reading as I've done on P/A, NPD, personality disorders in general, sociopaths, etc., I am still getting new insights into my relationship with XWH. Amazing! Thanks for posting this!


Me: BW, divorced, now fabulous and happy!

Married: 11 years, no kids

Character is destiny


Posts: 3488 | Registered: Dec 2011
Sue1964
♀ 37057
Member # 37057
Default  Posted: 8:21 PM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow I read this and so spot on.

Posts: 287 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Uk
Softcentre
39166
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 12:43 AM, May 20th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yup here too.


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' - passive aggressive, tt'ing, gaslighting...multiple EA's with different women (1 'proven') and at least 1 PA

Took a while, but I like the me I am, without him.

"Until God opens the next do


Posts: 1107 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
newlysingle
♀ 38735
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 1:04 AM, May 20th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, that is definitely STBX. This was spot on.


BW - Me (38)
XWH -The Gnat
OW - Hello Kitty the Whore Engaged to the Gnat. I hear the white trash, wedding bells as we speak.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (7), 1 DS (2)
Dday 3/13
Happily Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 961 | Registered: Mar 2013
Softcentre
39166
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 2:17 AM, May 20th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does that mean that most of us are probably co-dependant too?


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' - passive aggressive, tt'ing, gaslighting...multiple EA's with different women (1 'proven') and at least 1 PA

Took a while, but I like the me I am, without him.

"Until God opens the next do


Posts: 1107 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
dmari
♀ 37215
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 3:28 AM, May 20th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow!! Thank you!! Very insightful! I haven't even read the whole article yet but I am impressed so far!


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2304 | Registered: Oct 2012
SBB
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 4:08 AM, May 20th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes. Wow indeed.

That article describes the 'good' years in the M once the rush of new luurve faded 2 years into it.

A decade wasted. How sad. I cannot believe I lived like that for so long.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5660 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Bluebird26
♀ 36445
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 4:43 AM, May 20th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TFS, pretty much described my whole adult life so far with my xwh.


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1382 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
areyoukidding
♀ 30528
Member # 30528
Default  Posted: 2:02 PM, May 20th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Holy doodle! It's like the author wrote my STBX's biography. It made me flash back a little...enough to remind me how glad I am that the POS is out of my life!!!


BS (me) : 53 Freshly divorced and so very happy. To infinity and beyond!!


Trying to understand the behaviour of some people is like trying to smell the number 9.


Posts: 643 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Canada
Ashland13
♀ 38378
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, May 20th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, that's Perv to a T!

Also, he likes to not talk about things that bother him if it helps anybody...he will stew on things and keep them inside and then when he can handle no more, BAM!!! That's the PA part.

The combo of PA/NPD are stunning and I will say, beware.

One clue I have now is if a person doesn't bicker/argue...and I mean a not terrible bicker, but inserting their opinions from the beginning.

And, if you're with someone who always lets the other person have their way and says nothing, don't let this happen. I promise. It will bite back, over time, if it's a PA/NPD person.

Well, I went down the list of people in his gynormous family and my smaller one and made a list of the couples. It's terribly interestin to be able to pinpoint the NPD's and CoD's. Amazingly, everyone of the siblings is the Narc in that family...but none of them know it! They just know they can't function together and get along!

And the divorce/unmarried rates are phenomenal too.

Good post, thanks.


Ashland 13

You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2366 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Ashland13
♀ 38378
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 5:29 PM, May 20th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

P.S. If more than one NPD/PA person try to make things work, I haven't found any instances in any relationship I know where they last long-term if there isn't someone willing to be a doormat. But I do know there are exceptions to every rule. And sorry for generalizing.

I also have found that the people who try to be the doormats or give in all the time eventually burst, as well. I think it can only be done for so long, like anything else?


Ashland 13

You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2366 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
tesla
♀ 34697
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 6:52 PM, May 20th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

His script is ‘Be here for me, but don't come too close and don't burden me with your needs or expectations.'

Weeeellllll...fuck. That sums up my ten years with ex-shat.
I'm so happy that I don't have to deal with that person anymore...ok, almost don't have to deal with him anymore. At least now I can hire a lawyer to deal with his P-A ass.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4745 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
Topic Posts: 14

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