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He wants at least 50/50

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Sweetness8 posted 5/19/2013 17:44 PM

Beginning divorce proceedings: I do understand that he wants at least half custody of both of our children. I am not totally opposed to that with our son. However, WH has behaved inappropriately with our daughter in a sexual manner that they both admitted to me. This revelation from my daughter came on the heels of his affair. That pretty much sunk my ship of trust for WH, though it took me until two weeks ago to look around and find OW's picture on his phone. After I saw her recent pic and heard his lame excuses, something clicked over and I had HAD it. I have been stunned by my daughter's revelation into grief and inaction, and been fed so many excuses by WH as to why is did take place.
Despite admitting that this has taken place, he still thinks he should be granted nights and weekends and even summers with her. My lawyer says differently.
Has anyone had ANY experience with something like this? I don't want to steal her Daddy away, but I don't trust him alone with her and I won't be there to monitor. I feel so sick and sad.

Nature_Girl posted 5/19/2013 18:06 PM

Yes, I have experience with this. Sadly, I've learned that whatever YOU say will be interpreted as you being a bitter, hysterical wife who wants revenge. It will be assumed that you are making it all up and have coached your daughter. I have learned that only what your daughter reports to a counselor or other mandated reporter will be taken seriously. Even then, you have almost zero chance of having the courts make anything of the report.

However, since you don't want your daughter eventually raped by her father, you have to go through the motions so you can at least look yourself in the mirror and say that you did everything you could. SO, get your daughter to a counselor or other mandated reporter and have her tell them what she's told you. Do this immediately. Like, tomorrow. Tell your lawyer first thing in the morning. In fact, send an email now, follow up with a voice mail, then call when they open for business. If you do not act like a concerned mother, you will be seen as one who is making shit up.

Your daughter is old enough to be a credible witness. She has to do this to protect herself. You cannot do it for her. She is also old enough to have a definite say in visitation.

Coraline posted 5/19/2013 19:01 PM

Get a VAR and ask your husband about it while you are recording him! Don't just let him get away with that shit! I don't know what he did, but jail sounds like a good place for him. Do NOT let him have EITHER of your kids overnight. There is a chance also, that whatever your daughter is telling you is just the tip of a very large iceberg. I know in my own family, when a child first sought adult help after being molested, it was MONTHS before she told everything, and it was a heck of a lot more than what she originally said, even though she originally claimed she was telling everything.

Please get your husband talking to you about it, either on VAR, email, or text. Do it some way that he can't claim he never admitted it.

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