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How to Help My BS

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Jack317 posted 5/19/2013 19:40 PM

I have done so many bad things to her. I have never seen her so depressed and angry and hurt. I cant get her to open up about anything except the A. All of those little things that I love about her and this quiet, withdrawn, and cynnical (which is totally out of character) woman in the shell of the woman I love.

I just want to know how to help her. She doesnt sleep and keeps on getting stress migranes, and those are things that have never happened. She keeps her phone off and wont take calls. She is sick all of the time and doesnt keep food down all that well, but I cant get her to talk to me!!!! I am really scared and worried for her. I know that I did this, but what can I do to even begin to undo it?!?!

P lease give me advice. I just want her not to hurt anymore and would do ANYTHING to help her!!!!

Darkness Falls posted 5/19/2013 19:46 PM

Have you read "How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair"?

I know it's not a fix-all but it's a good start, IMO.

Forever_Sorry posted 5/19/2013 19:55 PM

I know that I did this, but what can I do to even begin to undo it?!?!

You cant undo it, Jack.

I cant get her to talk to me!!!

Here's the problem... its still about you. You dont want to hear this, but the damage you've done is irreversible. Now its up to her to decide if she ever even wants to talk to you again... and, yes, that is HER choice, not yours.

SandAway posted 5/19/2013 20:10 PM

exactly what Forever_Sorry said.

You have done plenty; and then some.

Right now you have DEVASTATED her with what you have done.

Be there when she is ready. Work on yourself. Read, write, listen & read more.

longroadhome posted 5/19/2013 21:18 PM

NOTE: The following is said in a spirit of love and helpfulness. Anytime a person needs CPR, it is common that they suffer a couple of broken ribs as a result. It's for their own good. You, brother, need CPR.

Jack,

I have never seen her so depressed and angry and hurt. I cant get her to open up about anything except the A.

And this surprises you why? She's watching ATV...24 hours a day, 7 days a week, non-stop, commercial-free "Jack's A ruined my life" programming. You've broken NC, you showed the ow SI and outed your BS's posts. You're making everything about you. You are terrorizing her right now. If you want to help her, stop hurting her. Stop with the half-assed pity-party attention seeking behaviors. Put your bullshit aside and dig in. Do the work on yourself and do everything...everything, Jack, that's in your power to help her come back. Start taking accountability for the pain you've caused, accept that you can't undo it, and get to work.

Enough whining, Jack. You're saying the same thing over and over in different ways. Time for some real action. Its on you to make it happen.

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