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Newest Member: BrnEyes777 (45750)

User Topic: A meltdown out of left field...blah
FaithFool
♀ 20150
Member # 20150
DOH!  Posted: 9:16 PM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I made a point of getting out of the house today because the sun came out and I needed to try riding my bike to conquer the last bits of dizziness.

Wound up riding by the house we shared with my mum for 10 years. She's been gone 2.5 years.

Went to a bench on the waterfront and had a chat with the grief waves.

Spring is hard because this time six years ago she broke the first hip and life as we knew it came to a grinding halt.

I see her in every garden tending to her roses.

Went and had some lunch, enjoyed the rest of the ride and came home for tea before going out to the park to see the view.

Discovered a tea house I never knew existed. Started crying again because she would have loved to go there for lunch and we never went.

Sat on a bench and realized she is all around and I do believe that. But for some reason today it's Ativan time.

I know it's all tangled up with the marriage I thought we had the whole ten years we were with her, and that makes it extra hard to unravel....

I know I'll get there.

Thanks for listening.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17708 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Williesmom
♀ 22870
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Ff)). She is there with you.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7820 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
inconnu
♀ 24518
Member # 24518
Default  Posted: 9:20 PM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((FF)))


Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out...honestly
I wanna see you be brave

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect


Posts: 12172 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: DeepInTheHeartOf, TX
FaithFool
♀ 20150
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 9:29 PM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the hugs.

Going to watch a dumb movie and suck my thumb now...


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17708 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
persevere
♀ 31468
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 9:30 PM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((FF)))). I agree with w
WM - she is there with you. Thinking of you tonight Faith.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4672 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
FaithFool
♀ 20150
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 10:07 PM, May 19th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks persevere. Love you guys.

Ativan is working. This too shall pass.

[This message edited by FaithFool at 10:08 PM, May 19th (Sunday)]


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17708 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Helen of Troy
♀ 26419
Member # 26419
Default  Posted: 7:33 AM, May 20th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It will be ok and it's ok to miss loved ones.

Posts: 4725 | Registered: Dec 2009
gahurts
♂ 33699
Member # 33699
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, May 20th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hope today is a better day FF.


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indominable will" - Mahatma Gandi

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - Aubrie


Posts: 3471 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Georgia
FaithFool
♀ 20150
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, May 20th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone. Took some melatonin and had a great sleep.

Thinking about Susan Anderson in Journey from Abandonment to Healing when she writes about the outer bands of the storm and how they can come along randomly when we think everything is fine.

This one was a gale made worse by a high tide and maybe a solar flare thrown in.

Gone now.

Sun is out and I'm going to start tidying up around here, reorganize some boxes, make room for the day bed that's coming next week.

Condo progress will mean the rest of my stuff coming (yay! Couch!) so I will be able to start settling a bit.

I think the last few weeks of limbo , being sick and not having my mind occupied by schoolwork just opened the door to let the grief out.

I'm sure there's always more heavy weather ahead, but we survive...

Onward.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17708 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
nowiknow23
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 5:08 PM, May 20th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


You can call me NIK

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."
-Walt Whitman


Posts: 26197 | Registered: Aug 2011
FaithFool
♀ 20150
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 8:36 PM, May 20th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Today was a MUCH better day.

Ordered the day bed for my living room. Getting delivered on Saturday, so I can start putting the place together.

Another bike ride, downtown this time. Lunch outside a Chinese place where two of my favourite local guys were playing gypsy swing guitars.

Then some retail therapy at Valu Village. Desperately need some new duds.

Rode home via the healthy grocery and picked up stuff for the week.

Home now and ready for an early evening.

At least I got some exercise in.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17708 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
NaiveAgain
♀ 20849
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, May 20th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Glad you are doing better. I hate the unexpected meltdowns....and I'm sorry about your mom. (((FF)))


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15409 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
SBB
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, May 20th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope to be the kind of mum that my girls miss half as much as this when I'm gone.

((FaithFool))


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5660 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
FaithFool
♀ 20150
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 10:20 PM, May 20th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Moms are special. Mine was UBER special.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17708 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 14

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