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suckstobeme posted 5/20/2013 14:04 PM

Honestly. What the fuck?

I've now heard three pretty crappy things that the kids say he has said about me.

First, it was that mom has all the money. Quite shitty considering I've WORKED for it and didn't piss it away on a skanky boyfriend, alcohol or gambling. I'm sorry he chose to divorce while his kids were little and that child support is a necessary in his world. Too fucking bad. But, my finances are none of his business and even less of my children's business.

Second, he took a shot at my yard. I live in the last house we bought together, which was the biggest and most expensive. I took over the mortgage myself and have worked hard to keep this property up. My yard is not huge, but it's very pretty. He spent a lot of money on what amounts to a glorified apartment but keeps harping on the fact that it has a very large yard. Fine. Great. I've never said a word. All of a sudden, I find out that he made some snotty comment to the kids about how my yard is a lot smaller than his. Again, wtf?

Finally, he took a shot at me. I've always joked with my kids about my age. They think I'm a lot younger than I am. Well, they must have said something to him and instead of just smiling or indulging them, he has to correct them, tell them my real age and then take a shot about how that's how old I really look.

What the fuck?

I have consistently taken the high road and say nothing about him, the OW, his house, or the way he looks, which is a lot shittier and older than when we were married. And this is the thanks. I get jabbed through my own kids.

This is what he wanted. This is how he wanted to live. So just leave me the fuck alone!!!!!!!

StillCoping74 posted 5/20/2013 15:08 PM

I would say he makes those remarks precisely because you have taken the high road. It's annoying and hurtful, but when you think about it, that's the worst he can come up with? It's because you haven't been vindictive and given him any real ammunition to work with.

As for why? Because he's still blame shifting--and angry at you because he can't take responsibility for his choices and the consequences they brought about.

This morning I read a great piece on the difference between guilt and remorse. Here was one of the key points:

"Real remorse means seeing the pain you caused someone, and reaching out to make it better. Feeling bad for the person in pain.

A person who feels guilt rather than remorse sees the pain of others (that they inflicted) as judgment, condemnation, and feels bad for themselves. What they feel for the person in pain is anger - anger for showing them what they don't want to see (the consequences of their actions)."

SeanFLA posted 5/20/2013 16:06 PM

A person who feels guilt rather than remorse sees the pain of others (that they inflicted) as judgment, condemnation, and feels bad for themselves. What they feel for the person in pain is anger - anger for showing them what they don't want to see (the consequences of their actions)."

This couldn't be more true. He's expressing anger and has no one to direct it towards other than you for what he's done to his life. He needs to blame someone. And the easiest person to blame is you rather than himself. Unfortunately HE has to figure that out himself. Whereas my exWW doesn't talk bad about me (from what I know), during her decision to divorce she said some terrible things at me. She knows better than to say anything to anyone about me since she slept with a married man on his pregnant wife (instant slut status for sure.) Things I supposedly did to her that never happened. She told me on a hockey tournament trip with our son three years ago that I called her a "bitch" right in front of my mother. I can tell you in all my years I've NEVER called a woman that. I don't even like the sound of it. My mother traveled with us to that tournament for the weekend. I asked her about it and she told me I never said such a thing.

I do know if I ever called my wife that my 80 year old mother would have still dragged me aside by the ear and let me have it. My parents didn't raise me like that. My mother was appalled that she made this story up. Lesson learned is that they will say mean, heartless things to anyone that will listen to make you the enemy. children are the easiest target of this because they know it will get back to you. It's a defense mechanism so they can live with what they've done.

tryingagain74 posted 5/20/2013 17:42 PM

Well, I might be biased here, but your username fits him better than it does you-- suckstobeHIM.

His life sounds like it's gone entirely in the crapper. I'm sure it bugs him to no end that you're not some crying mess, calling him and begging him to come and have some cake, and then letting him live the life HE thinks he deserves-- wifey takes care of him, home, and kiddies, and OW lets him walk on the wild side.

It's pathetic that he's saying these things to your kids, but then, he's totally pathetic. He's trying to reassure himself that you don't have a better life than he does, but he's clearly grasping at straws. He's still comparing your yards? He's looking for things that will make him feel good about himself, and he has a very short and silly list!

Just keep on doing what you're doing. He's just digging his own grave as far as his kids are concerned. If they don't already, they're going to realize what a nincompoop he is.

momentintime posted 5/20/2013 18:03 PM

Sounds like low self esteem on his part. He needs to knock you in order to fill superior. However, it show him as insecure, envious, and clueless.

Try not to be hurt by these comments. Think how low he must be to say them. Sad really. Has nothing to do with you. FTG!