We have more good days than bad. I just think he's not owning up to his stuff. Says he doesn't want to hurt me anymore or give fuel to my anger.
I think I need anger management or something. It's still really hard to cry for some reason...
If year 2 is worse, I'm out knowing I gave it a shot. C'mon, man, 8 OW in 3 years?!?!?! While first child a newborn up until second child. Then, I had to bust him...He says he thought we were doomed...
I feel like I've taken 2 steps back.
What happens when you ask questions in MC? Does he answer? Does the MC help you get your questions answered?
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
Is there a "tool" that will help someone who has been betrayed less "upset"??? LOL! Order me one!
I like the idea of writing questions down and thinking it over before I ask.
He normally answers just fine, but I noticed he's getting scared to answer. That just makes me suspect more TT.
Yes, MC great and yes he does answer there. Guess, we need to keep going every week.
i feel like i am takijng 2 steps back all the time...so you are not alone.
my husband is a recovering alcoholic as well.
If he gave you a pretty detailed full disclosure and your questions are a result of processing, then I know you want an answer NOW. Fortunately, in my case, my FWH was pretty good about handling the seemingly out of the blue A trivia questions. So if you're not getting the same without it escalating, it has to be very frustrating.
If, however, you feel you got the Cliff Notes version of a full disclosure, perhaps something more is needed. In our case, my FWH wrote out a chronological narrative of his secret history, a method recommended by his IC. This gave time for one memory to bring out another memory etc. until the story was pretty much complete. We scheduled a double MC session at which he read it to me. After this, questions would come up, and I'd ask them as they did. The MCs did suggest (after a period of time) that we set aside a time each week to discuss questions or other A-related stuff so as to keep it confined. Sounds good in theory but I could never do it.
I doubt you need anger management. You have plenty to be angry about!! I wasn't angry, and had no anger issues. RAGE, on the other hand...that was a problem. I highly recommend exercise as an avenue to reduce the furious energy.
You deserve to know what was really going on in your life and it's your H's duty to fill in the blanks. He needs to understand that he made conscious choices that caused extreme hurt, damage, and anger. If he wants you to continue to try and R, he needs to now choose to brave the fire he set and deal with the emotions his previous selfish choices spawned.
Best of luck. R is not often a course of steady improvement. The best analogy I've is that it's more like the game, 'Chutes & Ladders'. Yup.
Edited to add a few words; sorry if it's choppy, I can't seem to write & edit myself at the same time when others are in the room (which seems pretty often, since my desk's in the LR!).
[This message edited by sad12008 at 4:41 PM, May 20th (Monday)]
Hi dear.
At some point the two of you will have to face the tough stuff without the MC. Maybe not now but at some point.
H needs to learn to communicate with you without the MC as a crutch.
TT = not wanting to tell you I vs that will hurt you AND save themselves from the reality and response from the BS.
Even if you've taken two steps back - ask yourself how many you've taken forward. If the net sum is still + then keep moving.
It is a process - a journey - no finish line.
Trust yourself and know we are all rooting for you.
Hi Wonderful 1Faith!! :)We have A LOT more good days than bad ones.
Thank you, I need to hear this!!! I do love him dearly and am thankful he is now sober. He says he's been waiting to become a man bc he didn't know how to do it.
