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HealingmyHeart85 posted 5/20/2013 15:49 PM

It's been a long time since I've posted here. 3 years (ish) to give a timeframe. My husband had an emotional and physical affair in 2010 and since then we have done counseling and worked hard at our marriage. Slowly, the trust built back up and we started a family. Our son is 8 months old. For the first year I was very skeptical of my husband and still questioned everything. The second year I realized he had done everything I had asked of him, he was open and honest about things in the past, cut off all female coworkers to make me feel better, let me have access to his phone ( not in the "I want to snoop" way, but his phone was available if I needed to use it and he didn't act like there was anything on the phone to hide).

He left today for a 6 month deployment. And not to be "oversharing" but since having our son our BC method is condoms. I'm still trying to find the best fit for me. There is a pack of condoms missing. As in, I noticed the pack in the glove compartment of his truck 2 nights ago, and now gone, since he left today. He went to medical 2 days ago and said they offered free condoms. Which I believe.

We sort of share vehicles. My husbands truck doesn't have backseats so he picks up my car to get our son from daycare and I drive his truck home. He said he figured I saw the condoms in the truck since I drive the vehicle on a daily basis and obviously if he was doing something wrong he wouldn't have left them in plain sight and just taken them with him. I just don't know.

Based on his behavior the past 2 years I want to believe him but I feel all this doubt creeping into my mind. Thoughts? Thanks in advance.

PinkJeepLady posted 5/20/2013 15:56 PM

What country is the deployment? Will he be on base the whole time?
I am sorry, but I would be skeptical too,
I think it's better to be cautious.

sodamnlost posted 5/20/2013 16:07 PM

He said he figured I saw the condoms in the truck since I drive the vehicle on a daily basis and obviously if he was doing something wrong he wouldn't have left them in plain sight and just taken them with him. I just don't know.

Has he given you any "reason" why they are suddenly gone?

(((HUGS)))) either way.

HealingmyHeart85 posted 5/20/2013 16:17 PM

Last night I mentioned needing another cell phone charger for my phone and he said he had one in his truck and would grab it in the morning. The charger was in the glove box with the condoms. He said he grabbed those also, since he saw them at the time and they probably shouldn't sit out in the car for months while he was gone. He told me he thinks he tossed them in his closet (we have separate closets). I looked and can't find them. He said maybe he put them somewhere else, since as he says " it wasn't a big deal to bring them in and leave them." Basically he claims he wouldn't have even thought of them unless he had grabbed the charger for me. What do I do? Believe or not? Why is this coming up now when things are finally good? I hate that things that 3 years ago wouldn't have bothered me now cause doubt. He's such a good dad, and really worked on our relationship. I'm so torn. He said he would never do that again. "He has to much to lose and learned from his past."

HealingmyHeart85 posted 5/20/2013 16:21 PM

I also wanted to say thank you for the responses and being so supportive. I don't want to confide in friends since I really don't know what is going on. At the same time, with my husband leaving I'm suddenly feeling very alone and worried. It's nice to have feedback from others who understand. Thank you all so much.

HealingmyHeart85 posted 5/20/2013 16:24 PM

And to answer a previous poster. South Korea. On military base housing for 6 months. Could possibly be shortened to 4 months.

1Faith posted 5/20/2013 16:31 PM

HH 85

Trust your gut. This sounds all too "easy"... I am saying it doesn't add up.

He should be more mindful and his response sounds like a teenagers response. Justification.

Be careful

PinkJeepLady posted 5/20/2013 17:55 PM

Sorry, it's so hard when you have to deal with a deployment on top of it all.
As you and we all know, infidelity can happen anywhere and anytime. I would guess he will be able to leave the base sometimes. Sadly, the military says it doesn't promote use of prostitutes or any type of cheating by members, but it is rampant in my opinion. I am not saying your H is going to cheat at all, we also know he could easily buy condoms at the bx. Is there things he could do to make you feel better, like communicate as often as possible? Email, call, skype, write letters, just keep in touch as much as he can? My WH had to learn that it helped to chat about everything, what they ate at the chow hall, what the weather was like, how's the job going, all that stuff helped us when he had to travel again.
I wish I could say that all the other members in his unit wouldn't tolerate knowing he was cheating, but it seems to be a huge bragging thing among them. Is he strong enough to stand up to that? I hope so!
Take care of yourself!

FeelingSoMuch posted 5/21/2013 17:50 PM

People's memories are pretty good. I'm doubtful he doesn't know what happened to the condoms.

It could have been something as innocent as he gave them to a buddy and is now too shy to tell you, but he knows where they went -- I'm sure of that.