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Nogoingback posted 5/20/2013 19:39 PM

WS was working yesterday (Doctor in hospital) and ran into OW, who was visiting her mother (who now has cancer). WS was at the desk writing notes and a mutual friend (who does not know about the affair)was also there doing the same. OW came up to say hi.
WS told me about this as soon as we sat down to dinner that night. It went ok. I asked her if she still feels like she loves OW. She said she feels sorry for her that her mother has cancer now (oh and her grandmother has been unwell too with a broken hip or something). I said yeah, that's not really what I asked. She thought seriously about it and said "No that's not what I feel".
I asked if she told her anything personal and she said she asked about our DD, but that she was there with her baby and had to leave. WS said "Do you think I should have told her something personal?" and I said "I don't think you should have told her anything personal at all".
So I'm kind of relieved because it is so much better than before, but I'm also kind of annoyed that it isn't there yet.
I don't want to pick her to pieces when she is really trying to do the right thing, and she will be running into her at work in the future so I guess this kind of interaction will happen sometimes.
How to encourage without picking to pieces....? Any advice would be appreciated.

inshockandhurt posted 5/20/2013 21:18 PM

Hi nogoingback, the only thing I can think of is maybe talk to your WS and ask her to divulge all the details from any meetings with the OW. If she sees her, her car, the back of her, anything and if they talk what they talk about, no matter how small. If she tells you all the details without you having to ask for them it may make you feel better. I have this same problem with the OW in our case too; she attends the same school as WH does and I would really like for him to tell me about any sightings even of her car, although I know that sounds obsessive.

Good luck.

Lucky posted 5/20/2013 22:04 PM

I think her telling you immediately should get huge kuddos, that's a major step!

Since Mr Lucky worked with OW we had worked out every possible scenario you could even imagine (and I'm imaginative ). He thought I was off my rocker ... except I wasn't. OW tried half of them, once if not twice!

I would encourage your WS not to have ANY conversations with OW if at all possible & certainly nothing personal - ever.

Talking about encounters with OW will most likely trigger you & create some anger, however, the most important thing is to create a safe place for her to tell you of these encounters.

Hopefully your WS can do her best to avoid OW at all costs. Now that OW's mom is sick & the very real possibility for her to be around is pretty high ... encourage your WS to head the other direction if she sees OW heading her way, and to avoid any and all potential contact. It's likely OW might take today's encounter to mean that your WS & she can now be "friends".

Be very glad she did tell you about this, and thank her.