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Newest Member: bashfuldame (61460)

User Topic: Top 3 Book Recommendations
♀ 36983
Member # 36983
Default  Posted: 5:26 AM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been riding this infidelity train for a few years, and I couldn't count the number of pages I've read on infidelity, SA, co-dependency, abandonment, etc. (and I'm still reading!) I know others have bookshelves full of books as well. Out of them, what are your top three that you feel were most helpful and why, so newcomers can maybe review our suggestions to pick a book? Mine were:

1. Not Just Friends, Shirley Glass
I can't say enough how much of an eye opener that book was on what healthy boundaries are and the anatomy of infidelity, how it begins, the warning signs, etc.

2. The Journey from Abandonment to Healing, Susan Anderson
This one really helped me with self-soothing, not panicking when he made choices that harmed me, beginning to envision a better, healthier me, and without this one, I'd have never been able to have a successful 180.

3. Mending a Shattered Heart, Stefanie Carnes
This one was super beneficial for my understanding of SA, helped me move from "maybe" to "this is my life", helped me prepare myself for stronger boundaries and be prepared to follow through, helped me have some compassion for him while not allowing his behaviors to harm me also.

Me (34): BF, weekly IC through
Him (34): WF, PTSD Marine, beginning EMDR
Praying my way through each day.
Content (Philippians 4: 11b-13)

Posts: 613 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Pittsburgh, PA
♀ 38817
Member # 38817
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1. Not Just Friends. Honestly, the best book I've read. Both FWH and I liked how "real" it was. No psychbabble, just honest to goodness help & healing. I think it's a great read for ANY couple who wants a better marriage, even without infidelity.

2. Transcending Post Infidelity Stress Disorder: The Six Stages of Healing by Dennis Ortman. Very helpful to me. It was refreshing to read how well he "gets" how truly traumatizing infidelity is and that I was not alone in feeling that way.

3. Healing The Child Within: Discovery And Recovering For Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families by Charles Whitfield. This one I found helpful for my personal healing of FOO issues/codependency (my fwh is also a recovering addict and I come from a family of alcoholics). I found it helpful with my own boundry setting, dealing with toxic friends/family, etc.

BW (me): 31
WH (him): 32
2 DD's 9 & 6. DS born 8/2015
"Every decision you make indicates what you believe you are worth."

Posts: 148 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: North Carolina
♀ 39193
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 5:14 PM, July 9th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shortly after D-day, I went looking for a book to help me cope. Literally every book I picked up about "recovering from infidelity" was about how to save the MARRIAGE. In my already fragile state, I found this devastating, because my marriage was over!! My then STBXH had zero remorse and couldn't wait to get on his way and live with the OW. I didn't need a book about saving my marriage, I needed a book about saving MYSELF.

The one I found is called "Getting Past Your Break-up" by Susan Elliott. Though it isn't specifically about infidelity, the issue is addressed. I have found it to be really helpful, and comforting to read as she describes actions, thoughts and feelings that are exactly what I am going through.

There's a section about evaluating the relationship, that really helps you see it for what it truly was, not what you thought it was or wished it was. This was tough but very important, as it helped me see that I haven't lost as wonderful a relationship as I thought I did.

If your spouse walked away like mine, with no hope of R, then I recommend this book.

Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Follow your heart, but take your brain with you. ~ Alfred Adler
Letting go of the outcome is about the most empowering thing you can do for yourself. ~ LosferWords

Posts: 1857 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
♀ 32753
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, July 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1. How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful by Linda J. MacDonald. This one is straightforward and doesn't bullshy#t.

2. Shattered Vows by Debra Laaser. This one acknowledges the feelings of the BS and helps to put words to the loss. It also focuses more on the BS's healing, with or without the WS's participation, which is especially important if you are facing recovery and healing alone.

Can't think of others right now... those two.

Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus.
Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.

Posts: 4218 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
♀ 16891
Member # 16891
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, August 3rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1. How to Love Again: Moving from Grief to Growth, John Monbourquette (Original Title : Aimer, perdre et grandir). An easy read in an simple language, yet, this book truly captures the pain of greif and offers invaluable advice and wisdom.

2. The Journey from Abandonment to Healing, Susan Anderson
Plainly, this book kept me from going insane. Helped me understand and normalize what I was going through. The exercises offered in this book were very helpful and a pillar to my healing.

I'd have to think hard for a third choice. I've read other books but not as helpful as those two.

I may have not gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
- Douglas Adams

Posts: 4994 | Registered: Nov 2007
Topic Posts: 5

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