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Calling all Grandparents, Advice plz!

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Betrayal posted 5/21/2013 08:15 AM

I'm looking for some guidance on how to handle a situation with my father and my son. My H and I live with my parents and it's been a huge blessing, that being said, my dad gave up drinking alcohol and now has Diet Coke as his "after dinner" drink, and of course toddlers are curious, and so my dad started giving my son(2.5) small sips on occasion, well that turned into a nightly ritual, and I began noticing that my son started waking in the middle of the night, and he's never had any issues other than occasional teething or when he was sick. I put 2 and 2 together and realized it was the caffeine in the soda and so my dad started drinking caffeine free diet coke, but the night waking continued. I spoke to my dad and explained that I was not ok with my son drinking soda, I never was, that aspartame can cause anixety and sleeplessness and so he stopped giving it to him. Guess what? My son began sleeping through the night, well about a week ago I started noticing that DS was waking again, and this morning I asked my dad if he'd given DS any soda, and apparently he did 2 nights ago-which means he has been doing this again I'm so upset, I don't think I'm asking alot here but I'd like to hear opinions of other grand parents.

[This message edited by Betrayal at 8:16 AM, May 21st (Tuesday)]

hurtinky posted 5/21/2013 08:27 AM

I think grandparents have an obligation to respect the wishes of the parent.

I would NEVER knowingly do something that my kids or their spouses didn't want me to do.

I do not understand why any grandparent would want to knowingly disrespect the parents of their grandchildren over lifestyle issues.

Your dad shouldn't be giving your child any food or drink that you aren't comfortable with. Even sips of cola is not appropriate for a toddler.

JustDone posted 5/21/2013 08:32 AM

I agree. Can your dad wait till your toddler is in bed, to drink an after dinner drink? Or perhaps make a cup of water (with a straw or something fun?) to share with the baby?

Good luck!

cryingdaily posted 5/21/2013 08:34 AM

Belle has asked me not to do one thing or another with the kids and I always comply.....whether I like it or not.

The parents are the ultimate authority and he really should respect your wishes.

Although, I know how tough it is to be strong when they look at you with that little face.

You should speak to him again. JustDone has some great suggestions to try.

[This message edited by cryingdaily at 8:35 AM, May 21st (Tuesday)]

Betrayal posted 5/21/2013 08:43 AM

hurtinky, I agree 100%, really even if I babysat to help a friend out I would never do anything other than what was asked, but you'd be surprised as to how many gp's go against parents wishes! JD, I love the idea, but we eat at 5pm sharp every night(my dad is not a flexible man) and DS goes to bed by 8pm. I went and bought IZZE brand sparkling juice, and DS likes it-so do I, it's 70% juice and 30% sparkling water, and asked that when my dad gets his soda that he offer DS his own special soda, well, if i'm not around, my dad doesn't bother. The only thing I can do is physically be in the same room at all times with them both after dinner, and that way I can step in, hard as it may be, I think it's my only option.

Newlease posted 5/21/2013 09:54 AM

This is a tough one as you are living with them.

I'm a Nana and I don't always follow the "rules" laid down by my son and daughter-in-law at my house. But that is only for a visit - longest being a couple of nights.

I have come to realize that grandparents should get to "bend" the rules as long as it isn't hurtful. We want to be fun and special.

That just doesn't work when you live all together. You really aren't in a position to offer an ultimatum. But the sleep disturbance is not good.

Maybe you could take the child to grandpa when he wakes up in the middle of the night. Right now he is having all the fun and you are suffering the consequences. If grandpa got a sleepless night, maybe he would think twice before giving the baby soda.

NL

Cabrona posted 5/21/2013 10:01 AM

I would suggest that Grandpa pour himself 2 drinks, the diet coke for himself and something else you do not mind him sharing with your son like sparkling water and a bit of juice maybe?

I think its not wanting to say no to the big eyes that makes it hard for your dad.

[This message edited by Cabrona at 10:03 AM, May 21st (Tuesday)]

sisoon posted 5/21/2013 14:45 PM

Caffeine-free diet coke?

Tough one - we laid down some law for our parents WRT our son, and our son and DIL have laid down some rules for us WRT their son, but only short-term visits were involved.

Betrayal posted 5/21/2013 18:34 PM

Thank you for the replies, it seems he just cannot believe that a few sips of the soda could be affecting his sleep, i just spoke to my dad, he minimized etc..it's caffeine free, but i can say without a doubt that it's the culprit. I can't send him to my dad in the middle of the night, although I'd love to lol. I'm just going to have to helicopter it, and if i'm not here to stop it, then i guess suffer through it. Aspartame is one of the WORST things for our bodies, and it just makes me sad because ds is still so little It doesn't feel right.

Cally60 posted 5/23/2013 06:28 AM

Apart from the difficulty over the caffeine, now might be the time to try to teach your son that it's never a good idea to drink from another person's glass.

[This message edited by Cally60 at 6:29 AM, May 23rd (Thursday)]

Lalagirl posted 5/23/2013 09:49 AM

I think grandparents have an obligation to respect the wishes of the parent.
I would NEVER knowingly do something that my kids or their spouses didn't want me to do.

This.

I always ask my DDs first. Period. I will provide advise when asked. Just the other day, my 16 mo. old GD was hitting her mommy, so she put her down and walked away from her. GD came running to me, arms extended, crying. So of course my first instinct was to pick her up. DD asked me not to. So I didn't. I didn't agree with it, but she is HER child. It actually worked, because GD went back to her mommy, and did "nice hands" and gave her love.

Plus I'm a little biased for you because I despise aspartame and not only think it's awful for adults (JMHO), but definitely not for kids. I'd have to put my foot down on this one. This can cause neurological problems - and this should be explained to your dad; he may not be aware of it. Plus, caffeine in soda rots teeth and stains them. Ew.

I spoil my grandkids - but only with their parent's permission.

[This message edited by Lalagirl at 9:49 AM, May 23rd (Thursday)]

Betrayal posted 5/23/2013 13:21 PM

Lala It's great to hear there are GP's that are respectful, you're doing a great job!!! I wish you were my mom lol. The problem is my dad simply does not want to hear it, a few sips means that it cannot possibly hurt you, although I feel differently, It's still my child. Again, if he wants to drink the poison fine, just don't make the decision for an innocent little kwim? I've been helcoptering and so far so good, we have IZZE Apple(sparkling juice/water) to give as "soda".

Lalagirl posted 5/23/2013 13:44 PM

The problem is my dad simply does not want to hear it, a few sips means that it cannot possibly hurt you, although I feel differently, It's still my child.

Face palm.

Seriously though, my brother, who does have neuro impairment, suffered a seizure after drinking just a few sips (accidentally given to him by his job coach) of a soda with aspertame (he is an adult who weighs 220 pounds)...so even if your son is fine, no sense in taking chances.

Good that the other IZZE idea is working...but stand firm...you could even go far as to say that his doctor said NO to this...just a suggestion...

It's great to hear there are GP's that are respectful, you're doing a great job!!!

Thank you! I already raised my babies - and they are wonderful mothers; now it is their turn to raise theirs.

Betrayal posted 5/23/2013 14:19 PM

Unreal, I'm so sorry to hear that I went as far as to tell my dad that Coke actually will clean rust, a clogged pea trap, and something else, I can't recall lol, stubborn ass man.

Thank you! I already raised my babies - and they are wonderful mothers; now it is their turn to raise theirs.

AMEN.

Lalagirl posted 5/23/2013 14:28 PM

Speaking of babies - just posted some pics of them in F&G (sorry...temporary threadjack to brag...LOL)...

tushnurse posted 5/23/2013 15:23 PM

Its your kid so it's your call. But I know my mom, and dad would do whatever the heck they wanted if I wasn't around. Because they did such a fab job of raising me, they know better than I. So I really feel your pain, and living with them makes it even harder to balance that act without creating havoc.

I would suggest that you sit him down, and tell him if he does it again that you will be getting him up in the middle of the night each time your son does. This will at least make him think about it. I know that a lot of people have horrible stuff from aspartamine, so if you don't want him to have it don't let him. You could try the diet soda made with truvia, or oh heck the one in the yellow packets. supposed to be safer with less side effects.

Kajem posted 5/23/2013 16:45 PM

Is your father related to MY mother?

Can you get matching glasses for grandpa and DS... something that you cannot see the contents. Maybe a father's day gift. And they can sit together and have their 'night cap' read a book or do something together just the 2 of them?

Change it just a little so you have control over what your son drinks, but still give grandpa his time with DS. Would something like that work?

Craft stores have travel mugs that can be decorated with pics or even drawings... and they are not to expensive.

Hugs,

K

Betrayal posted 5/24/2013 10:25 AM

Thank you for all of the ideas, they're great~

lynnm1947 posted 5/24/2013 20:51 PM

Maybe if you use the peanut allergy model??? Explain to your dad that just a whiff of peanuts can kill an allergic child. Obviously your child reacts to aspartame and caffeine. Ask him if he would feel happy if your child were allergic to peanuts and he (dad) exposed your child to just a whiff of peanuts. Gently show that while a little exposure to dad's soda may not be fatal, it's not healthy FOR YOUR CHILD.

Hearthache again posted 5/26/2013 20:16 PM

Why not try a soda like sprite. That way she is still able to have a soda with her grandpa. It just takes having an extra glass. I know you don't want her drinking it but to help the whole situation this may help. That way they can have their soda time every night together.

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