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Newest Member: Kapooie (46002)

User Topic: Calling all Grandparents, Advice plz!
Betrayal
♀ 9898
Member # 9898
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm looking for some guidance on how to handle a situation with my father and my son. My H and I live with my parents and it's been a huge blessing, that being said, my dad gave up drinking alcohol and now has Diet Coke as his "after dinner" drink, and of course toddlers are curious, and so my dad started giving my son(2.5) small sips on occasion, well that turned into a nightly ritual, and I began noticing that my son started waking in the middle of the night, and he's never had any issues other than occasional teething or when he was sick. I put 2 and 2 together and realized it was the caffeine in the soda and so my dad started drinking caffeine free diet coke, but the night waking continued. I spoke to my dad and explained that I was not ok with my son drinking soda, I never was, that aspartame can cause anixety and sleeplessness and so he stopped giving it to him. Guess what? My son began sleeping through the night, well about a week ago I started noticing that DS was waking again, and this morning I asked my dad if he'd given DS any soda, and apparently he did 2 nights ago-which means he has been doing this again I'm so upset, I don't think I'm asking alot here but I'd like to hear opinions of other grand parents.

[This message edited by Betrayal at 8:16 AM, May 21st (Tuesday)]


Me,38 BS
Divorced
Married
DS Born 9/6/10

Posts: 2220 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From: IL
hurtinky
♀ 26152
Member # 26152
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think grandparents have an obligation to respect the wishes of the parent.

I would NEVER knowingly do something that my kids or their spouses didn't want me to do.

I do not understand why any grandparent would want to knowingly disrespect the parents of their grandchildren over lifestyle issues.

Your dad shouldn't be giving your child any food or drink that you aren't comfortable with. Even sips of cola is not appropriate for a toddler.


Me --> BS
D-Day 10-1988
D-Day 9-12-2005
S 9-13-2005
D 3-6-12



Posts: 1500 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Kentucky
JustDone
♀ 9742
Member # 9742
Default  Posted: 8:32 AM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree. Can your dad wait till your toddler is in bed, to drink an after dinner drink? Or perhaps make a cup of water (with a straw or something fun?) to share with the baby?

Good luck!


Forgiveness is giving up the possibility of a better past.

Nobody forgets what happens, the secret is learning to live with it.


Posts: 2810 | Registered: Feb 2006
cryingdaily
♀ 7276
Member # 7276
Default  Posted: 8:34 AM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Belle has asked me not to do one thing or another with the kids and I always comply.....whether I like it or not.

The parents are the ultimate authority and he really should respect your wishes.

Although, I know how tough it is to be strong when they look at you with that little face.

You should speak to him again. JustDone has some great suggestions to try.

[This message edited by cryingdaily at 8:35 AM, May 21st (Tuesday)]


Me: BS 48
Him: Doesn't matter any more.
The Royal Court, formerly known as the Princess Posse:
DD31 - Belle
DD23 - Xena
GD10 - Jasmine
GD8 - Ariel
GD Born 9/4/12 - Tink
GS Born 6/23/2014 - Little Prince

Posts: 14410 | Registered: Jun 2005 | From: Massachusetts
Betrayal
♀ 9898
Member # 9898
Default  Posted: 8:43 AM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hurtinky, I agree 100%, really even if I babysat to help a friend out I would never do anything other than what was asked, but you'd be surprised as to how many gp's go against parents wishes! JD, I love the idea, but we eat at 5pm sharp every night(my dad is not a flexible man) and DS goes to bed by 8pm. I went and bought IZZE brand sparkling juice, and DS likes it-so do I, it's 70% juice and 30% sparkling water, and asked that when my dad gets his soda that he offer DS his own special soda, well, if i'm not around, my dad doesn't bother. The only thing I can do is physically be in the same room at all times with them both after dinner, and that way I can step in, hard as it may be, I think it's my only option.


Me,38 BS
Divorced
Married
DS Born 9/6/10

Posts: 2220 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From: IL
Newlease
♀ 7767
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 9:54 AM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is a tough one as you are living with them.

I'm a Nana and I don't always follow the "rules" laid down by my son and daughter-in-law at my house. But that is only for a visit - longest being a couple of nights.

I have come to realize that grandparents should get to "bend" the rules as long as it isn't hurtful. We want to be fun and special.

That just doesn't work when you live all together. You really aren't in a position to offer an ultimatum. But the sleep disturbance is not good.

Maybe you could take the child to grandpa when he wakes up in the middle of the night. Right now he is having all the fun and you are suffering the consequences. If grandpa got a sleepless night, maybe he would think twice before giving the baby soda.

NL


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7806 | Registered: Aug 2005
Cabrona
♀ 9596
Member # 9596
Default  Posted: 10:01 AM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would suggest that Grandpa pour himself 2 drinks, the diet coke for himself and something else you do not mind him sharing with your son like sparkling water and a bit of juice maybe?

I think its not wanting to say no to the big eyes that makes it hard for your dad.

[This message edited by Cabrona at 10:03 AM, May 21st (Tuesday)]


"The truth is, everybody is going to hurt you... you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." óBob Marley

Posts: 565 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: Caribbean
sisoon
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Caffeine-free diet coke?

Tough one - we laid down some law for our parents WRT our son, and our son and DIL have laid down some rules for us WRT their son, but only short-term visits were involved.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10740 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Betrayal
♀ 9898
Member # 9898
Default  Posted: 6:34 PM, May 21st (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for the replies, it seems he just cannot believe that a few sips of the soda could be affecting his sleep, i just spoke to my dad, he minimized etc..it's caffeine free, but i can say without a doubt that it's the culprit. I can't send him to my dad in the middle of the night, although I'd love to lol. I'm just going to have to helicopter it, and if i'm not here to stop it, then i guess suffer through it. Aspartame is one of the WORST things for our bodies, and it just makes me sad because ds is still so little It doesn't feel right.


Me,38 BS
Divorced
Married
DS Born 9/6/10

Posts: 2220 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From: IL
Cally60
♀ 23437
Member # 23437
Default  Posted: 6:28 AM, May 23rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Apart from the difficulty over the caffeine, now might be the time to try to teach your son that it's never a good idea to drink from another person's glass.

[This message edited by Cally60 at 6:29 AM, May 23rd (Thursday)]


Posts: 2206 | Registered: Mar 2009
Lalagirl
♀ 14576
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, May 23rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think grandparents have an obligation to respect the wishes of the parent.
I would NEVER knowingly do something that my kids or their spouses didn't want me to do.

This.

I always ask my DDs first. Period. I will provide advise when asked. Just the other day, my 16 mo. old GD was hitting her mommy, so she put her down and walked away from her. GD came running to me, arms extended, crying. So of course my first instinct was to pick her up. DD asked me not to. So I didn't. I didn't agree with it, but she is HER child. It actually worked, because GD went back to her mommy, and did "nice hands" and gave her love.

Plus I'm a little biased for you because I despise aspartame and not only think it's awful for adults (JMHO), but definitely not for kids. I'd have to put my foot down on this one. This can cause neurological problems - and this should be explained to your dad; he may not be aware of it. Plus, caffeine in soda rots teeth and stains them. Ew.

I spoil my grandkids - but only with their parent's permission.

[This message edited by Lalagirl at 9:49 AM, May 23rd (Thursday)]


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 31 years 9/2/14
2 grown daughters-30 & 27
5yo GS,2yo GD & 3 mo. GD (DD30) and 2.5 yo GD(DD27). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 5172 | Registered: May 2007
Betrayal
♀ 9898
Member # 9898
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, May 23rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lala It's great to hear there are GP's that are respectful, you're doing a great job!!! I wish you were my mom lol. The problem is my dad simply does not want to hear it, a few sips means that it cannot possibly hurt you, although I feel differently, It's still my child. Again, if he wants to drink the poison fine, just don't make the decision for an innocent little kwim? I've been helcoptering and so far so good, we have IZZE Apple(sparkling juice/water) to give as "soda".


Me,38 BS
Divorced
Married
DS Born 9/6/10

Posts: 2220 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From: IL
Lalagirl
♀ 14576
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 1:44 PM, May 23rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The problem is my dad simply does not want to hear it, a few sips means that it cannot possibly hurt you, although I feel differently, It's still my child.

Face palm.

Seriously though, my brother, who does have neuro impairment, suffered a seizure after drinking just a few sips (accidentally given to him by his job coach) of a soda with aspertame (he is an adult who weighs 220 pounds)...so even if your son is fine, no sense in taking chances.

Good that the other IZZE idea is working...but stand firm...you could even go far as to say that his doctor said NO to this...just a suggestion...

It's great to hear there are GP's that are respectful, you're doing a great job!!!

Thank you! I already raised my babies - and they are wonderful mothers; now it is their turn to raise theirs.


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 31 years 9/2/14
2 grown daughters-30 & 27
5yo GS,2yo GD & 3 mo. GD (DD30) and 2.5 yo GD(DD27). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 5172 | Registered: May 2007
Betrayal
♀ 9898
Member # 9898
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, May 23rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unreal, I'm so sorry to hear that I went as far as to tell my dad that Coke actually will clean rust, a clogged pea trap, and something else, I can't recall lol, stubborn ass man.

Thank you! I already raised my babies - and they are wonderful mothers; now it is their turn to raise theirs.

AMEN.


Me,38 BS
Divorced
Married
DS Born 9/6/10

Posts: 2220 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From: IL
Lalagirl
♀ 14576
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, May 23rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Speaking of babies - just posted some pics of them in F&G (sorry...temporary threadjack to brag...LOL)...


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 31 years 9/2/14
2 grown daughters-30 & 27
5yo GS,2yo GD & 3 mo. GD (DD30) and 2.5 yo GD(DD27). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 5172 | Registered: May 2007
tushnurse
♀ 21101
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 3:23 PM, May 23rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its your kid so it's your call. But I know my mom, and dad would do whatever the heck they wanted if I wasn't around. Because they did such a fab job of raising me, they know better than I. So I really feel your pain, and living with them makes it even harder to balance that act without creating havoc.

I would suggest that you sit him down, and tell him if he does it again that you will be getting him up in the middle of the night each time your son does. This will at least make him think about it. I know that a lot of people have horrible stuff from aspartamine, so if you don't want him to have it don't let him. You could try the diet soda made with truvia, or oh heck the one in the yellow packets. supposed to be safer with less side effects.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8885 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Kajem
♀ 36134
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 4:45 PM, May 23rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is your father related to MY mother?

Can you get matching glasses for grandpa and DS... something that you cannot see the contents. Maybe a father's day gift. And they can sit together and have their 'night cap' read a book or do something together just the 2 of them?

Change it just a little so you have control over what your son drinks, but still give grandpa his time with DS. Would something like that work?

Craft stores have travel mugs that can be decorated with pics or even drawings... and they are not to expensive.

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5731 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Betrayal
♀ 9898
Member # 9898
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for all of the ideas, they're great~


Me,38 BS
Divorced
Married
DS Born 9/6/10

Posts: 2220 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From: IL
lynnm1947
♀ 15300
Member # 15300
Default  Posted: 8:51 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe if you use the peanut allergy model??? Explain to your dad that just a whiff of peanuts can kill an allergic child. Obviously your child reacts to aspartame and caffeine. Ask him if he would feel happy if your child were allergic to peanuts and he (dad) exposed your child to just a whiff of peanuts. Gently show that while a little exposure to dad's soda may not be fatal, it's not healthy FOR YOUR CHILD.


Age: 64..ummmmmmm, no...............65....no...oh, hell born in 1947. You figure it out!

"I could have missed the pain, but I would have had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks


Posts: 7507 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Toronto, Canada
Hearthache again
♀ 28564
Member # 28564
Default  Posted: 8:16 PM, May 26th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why not try a soda like sprite. That way she is still able to have a soda with her grandpa. It just takes having an extra glass. I know you don't want her drinking it but to help the whole situation this may help. That way they can have their soda time every night together.


Me-BS(32)
Him-WS(35)
Married-12 years together 13
Kids 4: 15, 12, 8, and 3
DDay#1 9-26-2008 Dday#2 4-26-2010
We have R!!! But I still hate the number 26!

This too shall pass
I edit a lot because that stupid box is so small!


Posts: 871 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Michigan
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