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huRtZ413 posted 5/21/2013 13:40 PM

lets say youve never seen her would you want to know if she was in some way better than you? i dont have any reason to search for other than to see what she looks like she is in another state they knew nothing about each other and shared no details other than theyre first names there were no emails or phone call or txt i have passwords to everything and they both wanted nothing to do with each other after ....so when i ask what could i have done differently what did he feel he got that he wasnt getting at home ? theres no real answer because he literally felt nothing towards her and to top it of couldnt finish the act and kicked her out , where i guess later she slammed him and accused him of being gay for telling her to leave.

brokensunflower posted 5/21/2013 13:56 PM

see I go thru this trigger daily I feel that she was bettr at everything then me .. even tho he didn't sleep with her .. she lives out of state and ive seen pics of her .. I look better then her ,, at least I think so ... keep your head held up hun .. hugs to you stay strong

GreenEyeGirl posted 5/21/2013 15:30 PM

I struggle with this as well. When I am feeling strong about myself I think:

I am better than her because I honored my vows of marriage with respect, honor, love and integrity.

CUMBUCKET is not an honorable person. She broke her own marriage vows, defiled her H and her children and had 50% in defiling my marriage with my H and trying to break my family up. Our children were devastated to learn their father hurt me so deeply. She was also dishonorable according to the Uniform Military Code of Justice of the USA.

So when you ask if she is better than you, the answer is NEVER, NO WAY, NOT POSSIBLE, CANNOT BE, NO HOW!!!

It shouldn't matter what your physical features are, your spouse promised to love, honor, and cherish you for YOU!

They broke that, not you!!!

forever.haunted posted 5/21/2013 15:32 PM

It wasn't that she looked better than you, it was about him and his issues at that time. I know it is hard to not worry about "how is she better than me", but the truth is you ARE SO MUCH BETTER! You are a beautiful faithful wife that remained true to your vows! Her..well..she is low enough to date a married man, that's says all about her.

foundoutlater posted 5/21/2013 15:47 PM

There is some good discussion on another thread – not sure if you have seen it.

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=494949&HL=31089

SoVerySadNow posted 5/21/2013 16:20 PM

Did she have something you didn't have? No. You have something important that she lacks. Morals. Class. Character. Beauty of soul.

PeaceLove187 posted 5/21/2013 16:33 PM

No, she wasn't better. What she did was make HIM feel like a better person because she wanted him. You had to want him--you're his wife--so you don't count. He needed his validation multiplied by at least two and many WSs need their validation multiplied by a lot more than two.

I've been thinking today about a co-worker I knew decades ago when I was young and sort of cute. He'd had an A simply because the OW was willing and he'd been amazed that someone found him attractive. He and his wife were trying to reconcile but that wasn't good enough for him and the guy decided he was in love with me just because I was nice to him (and that's as far as it went with me and I stopped even talking to him after his declaration of love). I now realize he was broken and so needy of validation that he would take it anywhere he could get it.

There are probably things an impartial observer would say is "better" about the AP. And some things which would be "better" about you. Try not to think that way because it truly, truly, truly isn't about that. Just think of her as a mirror reflecting back the man your H wishes he really was.

SI Staff posted 5/21/2013 16:35 PM

GreenEyeGirl,

This is the 4th time you have been flagged for breaking the forum descriptions.

This is NOT a vent about the OP, please respect the sites rules and post accordingly.

Flatlined123 posted 5/21/2013 18:11 PM

I KNOW OW isn't better than me in any way....now.

I remember asking H what it was about her that made him want to cheat. His honest answer was there wasn't anything special about her. He didn't even really like her. It was all about him. How bad he felt about himself, how bad he thought our life was, how crappy he felt his job was.

He wanted to escape reality. The day to day trudge of a family and marriage.

Looking at the OW, I see that she is a sad person. She's married now and her H knows about the A. It's hard to believe he married her anyway. If she has any conscience now, and I hope she does, I hope she feels guilty the rest of her life.

RidingHealingRd posted 5/21/2013 20:26 PM

would you want to know if she was in some way better than you?

Better than me? Never.

How could she be? She is a cheater with no integrity... Not to mention her 2 DUI's, her lock up for public intoxication, her being expelled, many years ago, from college.

Better than me? I think not.

[This message edited by RidingHealingRd at 8:27 PM, May 21st (Tuesday)]