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Forever_Sorry posted 5/21/2013 16:58 PM

So I went to IC today like I do every Tuesday. We spent most of our time discussing Mrs FS and how I am torn between wanting more out of life and not wanting to leave her. She suggested (for the second time) that I approach Mrs. FS about having an open marriage...WTF? Isnt that why I was there in the first place?
I am just beside myself blown away. I've been seeing her for years and dont really want to change counselors.. We've made some real progress... But this? She suggested that it wouldnt be the same as the A because I would be open and up front about it. OMG, I couldnt put my BS through that.. what a huge betrayal IMO.. I'm not sure what I should do. Advise?

tired girl posted 5/21/2013 17:09 PM

Change IC's. She is going against what you are comfortable with and there are better solutions.

PurpleRose posted 5/21/2013 17:14 PM

No stop sign.. I'm wondering if you asked her why she thought that was good advice?

Is she seeing something in you that leads her to think an open marriage is a good idea? Or perhaps the only option?

SandAway posted 5/21/2013 17:15 PM

If you are blown away by this suggestion, I would think she would have realized that the first time and not suggested it again.

What did you say when she suggested that yesterday?

As TG said, change IC's. You said you have been going there for a while, sounds like its time to talk to someone new.

Aubrie posted 5/21/2013 17:17 PM

I am torn between wanting more out of life and not wanting to leave her.
So what's preventing you from having more in your life with your wife?

To make statments like the one above and then express shock at the suggestion of an open marriage don't really line up.

Forever_Sorry posted 5/21/2013 17:21 PM

We've been working on one of my many personality flaws that has been a detriment to my heart. I tend to be an all or nothing, black and white kind of guy so she's trying to help me learn how to find a middle ground. I'm not so sure that there is a middle ground in marriage.. you're either married or you're not and all either of those entails. Is it possible that I misunderstood this?

Forever_Sorry posted 5/21/2013 17:24 PM

So what's preventing you from having more in your life with your wife?

Aubrie, its a lot to explain. Read my previous thread Help needed Here.

Aubrie posted 5/21/2013 17:30 PM

I'll check it out Forever_Sorry.

Been out of the loop here lately.

SandAway posted 5/21/2013 17:46 PM

So what did you say when she suggested it??

Forever_Sorry posted 5/21/2013 17:54 PM

I told her that I couldnt hurt her like that again

She-Ra posted 5/21/2013 18:05 PM

An open marriage? That's a terrible suggestion for your IC to make to you. The problem is your BW is suffering from depression and PTSD which she CHOOSES not to get help for. You mentioned she knows she needs help but doesn't get it. That is her choice.

Agree with the others.. Get a new IC. Sounds like she has run her course and its time to call it quits with her.

As for your BW, you can't force her to get help. Maybe it's time to consider a separation. It's not working and maybe your A was a deal breaker but she's too stuck in her problems to admit that to you :( I'm sorry that your BW is in so much pain. Your previous posts remind me of my mom. You can't force someone to get help when they don't seek it themselves.

Aubrie posted 5/21/2013 18:28 PM

After reading your other thread, I tend to agree with MUC.

You can only help your BS if she will let you. I have a dear friend who is a FWS. They are 2 years out and their marriage is more than 99% likely to end in D because the BS is stuck and the situation is getting terribly toxic.

And yes, new IC.

tired girl posted 5/21/2013 18:34 PM

I don't know that his wife is stuck because of his A anymore. It sounds like there are some significant physical issues.

Is your W willing to do anything about her physical issues at this point in time?

I realize that you are frustrated with how things are, but if you saw your W start to make some effort at getting herself a better life, would that help?

Forever_Sorry posted 5/21/2013 18:52 PM

I realize that you are frustrated with how things are, but if you saw your W start to make some effort at getting herself a better life, would that help?

That would help tremendously!

Forever_Sorry posted 5/21/2013 18:57 PM

So the general consensus is for a new IC. I feel the same. It sucks cause it took me awhile to learn to trust her. I'll have to start the process all over again.

tired girl posted 5/21/2013 18:58 PM

Will she go out and take very short walks with you? Like ten minute walks?

Forever_Sorry posted 5/21/2013 19:02 PM

Will she go out and take very short walks with you? Like ten minute walks?

I got her to go on one last Saturday. First one in over a year.

Forever_Sorry posted 5/21/2013 19:02 PM

Will she go out and take very short walks with you? Like ten minute walks?

I got her to go on one last Saturday. First one in over a year.

tired girl posted 5/21/2013 19:06 PM

This has helped me quite a bit. I do two ten minute walks a day, and I try to increase it if I am not in pain. Alternating days I go for a fifteen min bike ride. Slowly but surely it is getting easier.

Chronic pain is so depressing.

I can say, it is more fun when we take our dogs out on the walks.

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