We're in R and have a lot more good days than bad. I'm learning to forgive from my heart because the love and light in my children's eyes puts me in a good place.
But, on my down dark days, I feel like a fool! Wondering if I'll ever have someone tell me what a fool I was...
What are your experiences or thoughts on the matter?
If there's love between you two, that's DEFEINETLY a good thing.
Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, pack your shit and get out.
Fool me twice, now what?!?!
One thing that is for sure, I won't feel like a fool the next time (if there is ever to be one) this happens to me.
[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 6:33 PM, May 21st (Tuesday)]
Especially when talking to friends or family that haven't personally dealt with infidelity.
As my W shows me her remorse and works hard on earning my trust and being safe for me it gets easier. Also her appreciating that this was a gift and not a right. I also see my children thrive which helps some too.
I keep telling myself that it takes a really strong person to put their individual feelings aside and attempt to reconcile with someone who has proven "risky."
Society, media and friends who have never had to walk in our shoes don't understand and therefore their "opinion" is irrelevant due to ignorance on the topic.
Giving another chance isn't being foolish. It is generous. It selfless. It shows that we understand the world goes beyond simply good or bad. Extending grace in the darkest of times has always been humanities greatest redeeming characteristic. We are part of continuing in that proud tradition.
DS 1, DD 6
Dday 8/31/11. ONS that occurred 3 years earlier. Lied to for 3 years.
Every truth comes to light in a long enough timeline.
We are heading on to a year of working to R. I just came out of IC where I discussed this same thing.
I was a fool. I let him tell me over and over how pathatic and irationional I was when I thought something was going on and somedays I even believed it, that I was accusing two inocent people.
Now, I wonder if I am a fool for believing him when he says its over, that they are not even friends anymore.
I don't trust my own instincts anymore. Oh well, par for the course.
We had a deep love, a long history of getting through terrible things, a strong bond & he was the model WS.
When you decide to R you are all in or not at all, you can't dip a toe in and call it R. It's the full plunge for both of you.
Your R won't be successful if you aren't all in and are hesitant.
If you are getting TT and a non remorseful spouse you aren't in R anyways.
Keep in mind the first few months of R are very tender and scary times. Very scary. You need to believe in yourself & believe you are strong and can do anything, whether you R or D., you need to have faith and confidence in yourself to face the tough times R throws your way.