SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Return to Forum List

not getting along.

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

hitbyatruck posted 5/21/2013 23:16 PM

This R is tough stuff.

I feel like we are back to Pre-Dday state. We are getting on each other's nerves and there has been no sex in months.

We need to go to MC. He doesn't want to go at all. I'm honestly not sure if we will ever be ok. I just don't see how date nights, scheduled sex,or any other suggestions for better marriages will help if only one of us wants to.

He is a man... I really do not want to admit this but we haven't had sex since December. Even before December things weren't good in that department anyway.

(Pre-dday)I always blamed are so-so sex life on my low sex drive. I learned during our separation that I had a sex drive that was very much alive and well. Now I am back to ZERO. ZERO drive but disturbed that he isn't trying. Not one attempt.

He is very short with me and generally grumpy. He also spends countless hours playing an online multi player game. He falls to sleep with his 2 ( yes 2) phones on his chest that he plays his game every night on. I'm sure he would have complaints about me as well.

At a loss, not sure what to do. I know I can't work on the marriage alone.


FightingBack posted 5/21/2013 23:28 PM

Tell him that. Tell him your requirements for R. There is no reason why you should have to live in a sexless marriage. He should be doing backflips and much more to please you and to show you how grateful he is for being given a second chance.

If he knows how you feel but still not care enough to change then why would you want to stay with him?

You deserve happiness.

boontje posted 5/21/2013 23:35 PM

I guess my question is this: Why is he against going to MC? Remind him that R takes two willing partners. Looking at your story, you have been dealing with this since 2002.Something has got to give. You need to draw your line in the sand and tell him what you need in order to stay in this marriage. I'm so sorry, ((hitbyatruck))

hitbyatruck posted 5/22/2013 00:00 AM

He doesn't think we need MC. We still for the most part function well as a family unit. We show affection such as quick kisses, hold hands and sit close to each other. Daily activities with kids, we still do stuff alone (without kids) as well. But we are more like roommates. Roommates who bicker at night over who isn't doing what and disagreeing on household issues. And then we go to sleep, repeat. We aren't intimate. Not just meaning sex, we aren't sharing personal feelings.
I asked him if he was having doubts about our marriage. He said no and didn't really want to dive into that conversation because he wasn't feeling well.

brokensmile322 posted 5/22/2013 06:01 AM

Gently,

This doesn't sound like R.

And you are right you cannot do it alone.

I am well aware how a person can be right next to you or in the same house and he might as well not even be home.

You are right to question this and him. This is no marriage. Of course you should be upset that there is no intimacy.

His on lines games are an escape mechanism. It isn't fair. If he isn't willing to stop, what are you willing to do about it?

You cannot control him. I am sorry hitbyatruck. He is really not trying. I am sorry you are hurting.

Are you in IC? Can you reevaluate what you need to move forward? Are you willing to then start the 180?

confused615 posted 5/22/2013 06:16 AM

Im sorry..but do you have access to those phones? Can you check the call log online?

No sex..not even trying...grumpy...glued to his computer...falls asleep with his phones ON him...won't go to MC...

Honey...is he having an affair? Even if he's not, the way he is treating you is unacceptable. It's emotional abuse. He is deliberately shutting you out of his life.

(((((hitbyatruck)))))

sisoon posted 5/22/2013 10:42 AM

Is your H having trouble sexually? That could be very hard to admit - but admitting it is the first step to solving it.

Can you talk to him about this?

hitbyatruck posted 5/22/2013 19:02 PM

His on lines games are an escape mechanism. It isn't fair. If he isn't willing to stop, what are you willing to do about it?

I had to ask and then demand that he stop spending money on the game a long time ago, which he did but lied about it twice before actually spending money. I have all but given up on the him ending the gaming. I am not sure what I will do about it.

Are you in IC? Can you reevaluate what you need to move forward? Are you willing to then start the 180

I am not in IC on a regular basis, I go as needed now. I would do the 180.

Im sorry..but do you have access to those phones? Can you check the call log online?

I can check his iphone but imessage does not show up in the details. The other phone doesn't have a plan but he uses to play the game through the wifi connection...which could also be used for texting/calling apps. SO, YES, I do have access but if he wants to hide something there are a zillion ways to do it.

No sex..not even trying...grumpy...glued to his computer...falls asleep with his phones ON him...won't go to MC...

Honey...is he having an affair? Even if he's not, the way he is treating you is unacceptable. It's emotional abuse. He is deliberately shutting you out of his life.


I have checked all I can check as far as him having an affair. I have no proof but I realize an affair in reasonable explanation for all this.

Is your H having trouble sexually? That could be very hard to admit - but admitting it is the first step to solving it.
Can you talk to him about this?

I know he isn't having trouble 'alone sexually'. I caught downloaded porn on the second phone. I asked him about it and he acted more like a kid getting caught. He didn't delete the porn, I didn't ask him to but I thought he would.

I have asked about the ZERO sex drive. He tells me that he isn't feeling good about himself.

Dare2Trust posted 5/22/2013 19:20 PM

Hitbyatruck,

I'm really so sorry. You've put in a lot of years with various levels of infidelity from your husband. This must be so difficult.

Return to Forum List

© 2002-2018 SurvivingInfidelity.com ®. All Rights Reserved.