Can you give me some advice on how to communicate better. We are in MC & both in IC but I need something to try this weekend.
We both need to be right. We both over talk one another. We both get frustrated and upset immediately. How do you take the first step to breaking those bad habits? Are there steps, techniques? LOL a step by step guide might be what we need.
Another eye opening book was "5 love languages". It focuses on how to communicate love to each other that can be received.
Communication is the key to everything!!!
He needs to do the same with you.
This will slow down your communication and teach you guys to really listen to what is being said.
Also, use "I" statements. Such as I feel _______ when you_________. Instead of well, you always ________. When you start by saying that you feel something, it sounds less like you are blaming your H and he will be less likely to get defensive. This has also seemed to work for us.
Good luck and have a great weekend!
It seems so easy, and it can be but does take practice. Don't let the tediousness of repeating etc. get to you, it is amazing sometimes how one sentence has to be gone over countless times before what they were trying to communicate is fully understood or vice versa.
Mirroring: First, couples learn how to listen and mirror back exactly what they hear rather than an interpretation or reaction to what they've heard. They should use expressions such as "I have something to say..." and "Let me see if I've got that..."
Validating: Once both partners have clearly spoken and been listened to, they can then validate each other without necessarily agreeing. They should use statements such as "That makes sense because..."
Empathizing: At this point in the process, both partners can identify with the other partner's expressed thought process and feelings, Dr. Hendrix says. To convey this new-found understanding, he says they should use language to the effect of "I can imagine what you're feeling..."
ETA: From your recent post:
we have not had sex since May 27th of last year.
[This message edited by ladies_first at 7:16 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday)]