anyway, wondering if any of you can relate and might share your positive and/or negative experiences.
My WS and i were basically estranged but he was living in my basement, but we were sort of friends and still attached, but over, but getting closer again last 6 months with some sex... yes, an unusual situation. When Dday happened I fell apart completely and nearly violently because i then understood what led to his behavior that led to our breakup, and i was absolutely incensed about betrayal post-breakup as well as he had been living in my house for FREE and was "my friend."
I felt used, abused, etc etc etc.
Okay I know it's not like the usual story. So probably no one can relate! Lol. BUT i'm sure someone can because after Dday1/2 and the first explosions, we started sleeping together, talking, me talking, him avoiding, then him not avoiding, the usual dance...and over the last few weeks the man that i had known has reappeared. He had disappeared during the A and I had no idea where he had gone, but i was unable to reach him and so I gave up after a while and we broke up.
This all no doubt involves very complicated individual and couple psychologies that will likely take years to figure out! If that's even possible! BUT for now, his wall has come down, i feel connected to him again in a way i've not felt for years, he's soft and sweet and caring and responsive. He's sorry but not remorseful enough (yet?) (still a bit in a fog?), or maybe he's a sociopath! I'm so confused.
I am on an insanely well designed rollercoaster. The differences in my feelings from day to day are frightening!! Feeling entirely opposite emotions. The anger/pain etc makes sense to me, and so does the feelings of closeness even though it's kinda illogical that i'd jump into his arms after having been broken up AFTER learning about a terrible betrayal.
I know i need my head examined! Seriously, who else has felt renewed closeness with a WS just AFTER the Dday? and Was that good or bad ultimately. For me, it's comforting but I fear it's just unhealthy and that I should run, run, run. And then i think I should rebuild. And on and on it goes.
Hmmmm, i should probably post this on Divorcing pages too to get other perspective! (hope that's allowed.)
[This message edited by TheAgonyOfIt at 7:24 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday)]
I still feel the same way, insanely bipolar. I have a love/hate relationship in my heart and head with him still.
We are closer and stronger than ever. I don't understand it. Someone said it best somewhere. Brain saying D, heart saying R. SO TRUE! For me, at least.
Second, I had to get closer to reclaim my ... wife? relationship? self-respect???? Sex just after D-Day was not totally loving....
Shortly after that HB period, I completely shut down sexually and I'm still kinda there now. BUT, the emotional intimacy has returned. We communicate more effectively and I feel much closer to him than ever on a cognitive/emotional level.
[This message edited by Chicho at 6:46 PM, May 27th (Monday)]
Before you say reconcile
Great post for newbies
Also check out the healing g library in the upper left corner.
and over the last few weeks the man that i had known has reappeared.
I worry that this is the man who wants free housing from you, not the man who is intimately attahced to you emotionally and wants a life with you.
As I mentioned in your other post, I would make his being moved out a starting point for any effort to reconnect. I would also be sure the OW BS knows of the A. Do not tell your WSO that you are telling, just notify the OW BS.
Seriously, who else has felt renewed closeness with a WS just AFTER the Dday?
Many of us do, I had to figure out what was wrong with me for wanting to be with W who had betrayed and treated me so poorly. Be sure he wants you and not just the basement.
It's normal, irritating, and wonderful all at the same time.
It doesn't last. Ours...about 6-7 months.. Now on top of it all...he thinks its messed up that I don't want sex more than about 2 times per week. He'll I work till midnight 4 days a week....I'm tired. It pisses him off ...
For a few months after we just enjoyed each others company...but lately I'm back in..." I'm not sure I even like him" mode.....
I guess the rollercoaster isn't over yet..
[This message edited by Angelstar5 at 12:22 PM, May 28th (Tuesday)]