SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

jrc1963 posted 5/22/2013 18:10 PM

I just don't know what to do anymore...

My son has encopresis. It's a condition where the person can't feel the need to have a bowel movement and will have solid accidents.

We dealt with it all last year with the help of his pediatrician and the treatment he Rx. And I thought we had it licked.

We don't...

We're going to have to go back to the treatment again, which is Mirilax everyday and scheduled time on the toilet.

It's not the accidents that bother me so much, he can't help that...

It's his complete laziness about cleaning himself after. He can sit in his own shit and not even care. How does he do that... dried up shit all over his ass.

I don't know what to do anymore.

jrc1963 posted 5/22/2013 19:56 PM

I seriously want too cry

Jen posted 5/22/2013 20:03 PM

Not to be blunt ... but can he feel his ass ? If he can't tell when he needs to have a BM, maybe he can't feel his ass.

I realize the smell should be enough ... obviously it is not.

May be a psychological thing to, maybe he is depressed ect. about this and this is his way of acting out asking for help.

I know your helping him ... doing all you can for him, I can't imagine how this must feel to him.

(((DS)))

jrc1963 posted 5/22/2013 20:07 PM

I know his self-esteem has taken a big hit...

I am going to make sure I get him in to IC over the summer... while we have the time.

I don't know if he "can't" feel it or he's just in a rush to get back to his games.

His bathroom was a complete mess also... we had to clean it from all the dried up, crusty poo on the floor and rugs and counter and toilet. Just a huge mess.

Sad in AZ posted 5/22/2013 20:09 PM

I was thinking the same thing as bb; if he can't feel the urge, maybe he doesn't feel the result. The psychological aspect could be a real factor too. He may be so embaressed that he doesn't want to acknowledge it's happened. I can just imagine how cruel kids would be if they found out about this.

Poor kid; and poor jrc. You're a good mom. Don't let this get you down.

simplydevastated posted 5/22/2013 20:22 PM

There's not much more I can add to what bb and Sad have already said.

I just want to give you and your son a big (((hug)))

jrc1963 posted 5/22/2013 20:35 PM

He's never ever done this at school... only at home. Thank Goodness.

I feel so bad for him...

But also so frustrated because I thought we'd gotten this beat and it's back.

And it's so, well, gross...

I told him tonight... poop or no poop I love him just the same.

But he needs to understand he can't walk around like that.

Even as an infant/baby he hated to be changed/cleaned... I think he always wanted to be doing ANYthing else.

UnexpectedSong posted 5/23/2013 00:10 AM

Not the same situation, but my son is 10 and not toilet trained. So I change a lot of poopy diapers and it's definitely something to cry over.

hemademesingle posted 5/23/2013 07:08 AM

My heart hurts for you and your son,

Kids can be so cruel to other kids,

With it being a medical issue, I think that I would implement rules to follow, when he has an accident, he must shower to clean himself up, if it happens 5 times a day then he showers 5 times a day, he must rinse his soiled underware, and he must make sure that his bathroom is clean and tidy, if he makes a mess, then he scrubs it right away, if he doesn't follow the rules, then he gets his games taken away, and will have to earn back time with them, by following the rules,

Your love for your son comes threw in every message you write about him, whether he is in trouble, or he is just being his amazing self,

jrc1963 posted 5/23/2013 08:47 AM

Thanks Hemademesingle... that means a lot to me.

Those rules are good... they are already in place for the most part. I've already taken the games away.

[This message edited by jrc1963 at 8:48 AM, May 23rd (Thursday)]

smallhope posted 5/24/2013 09:54 AM

jrc1963 and UnexpectedSong, my heart goes out to you both.

jrc1963 your post instantly brought back the years of frustration and desperation when I went through this with my son.

When DS was 10, I happened across an ad about bedwetting. I called the number and a salesman showed up a day or two later. To this day I remember the case stories he told me about, and how they were resolved. Many stories included children with the same problem as your child.

The program involved a wet/dry pad and a rather large battery, along with a very detailed behavioral program, tailored to my son.

It required a major sustained commitment, and there were no shortcuts around the sheer amount of labor involved, esp in the middle of the night- but it worked. As far as I, and my son, were concerned, it was a miracle.

It's been so long I don't remember the specific name of the program (DS is 29)- but I googled bedwetting solutions and there are similar programs available today.

jrc1963 posted 5/24/2013 12:29 PM

He rarely if ever wets the bed.

He's having solid (poop) accidents during the day.

cissie posted 5/26/2013 18:44 PM

Would he be able to use a bidet? There are some bidets you can attach to a regular toilet. You turn a knob and there is a spray which helps clean the area.
In Florida, the water is not too cold. In colder climates you probably need a more complicated one that has a heater.

jrc1963 posted 5/26/2013 21:10 PM

He'd be able to use a bidet...

I didn't know they had ones you could attach to toilets

ButterflyGirl posted 5/27/2013 01:07 AM

The fact that this hasn't happened at school and only happens at home makes me think there really is a more psychological aspect to this. Like perhaps he is trying to get your attention? From your tagline, it sounds like he had to witness a separation between you and your spouse, so I would definitely recommend some counseling for him.

Big hugs to you. I know you love your son, but man, that is really pretty gross and must be extremely frustrating.. You get some extra stars from me

Phoenix1 posted 5/27/2013 01:36 AM

Unfortunately, I went thru the same thing with my son. EXACTLY the same, but it would happen at school as well. He just wouldn't say anything and walk around in crapped up pants. Then, when he got home his sisters would tell him he stinks. So I knew other kids thought the same, but he just shrugged it off like he didn't care. We did the whole pediatrician and Miralax thing too. He would hide his crapped up underwear around the house and I would find it in the most unusual places. We started to keep a large bucket of bleach water by our washer so I could throw them in there to soak before washing them. It was BEYOND frustrating as nothing worked, and he genuinely did not care. So you are probably wondering how long it lasted... it lasted until he was 12 then it just stopped and he was fine. Still don't know what triggered the fix, but God was I happy it finally happened! He just turned 20 this year and there have been no lasting effects. Well, except for his sisters occasionally teasing him about it.

Hang in there! It is truly disgusting to deal with, and years later I would still find dried up poop balls in unexpected places...

cissie posted 5/29/2013 17:21 PM

This link is one example of a "bolt on" bidet. I think there are a couple of others on the market which have slightly different mechanisms. I dont know if that is against the rules so I will try a PM

jrc1963 posted 5/29/2013 18:05 PM

Thank You...

I appreciate the feedback and support... I really do.

We've been 5 or 6 days w/o an accident so far.

itainteasy posted 5/30/2013 13:32 PM

((((((jrc))))))))

I hope today has been accident free.

Exit Wounds posted 5/30/2013 15:08 PM

I am so sorry for you and your son. Lots of hugs my dear... ((((((jrc & son))))))))