SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Return to Forum List

Huge curveball: Do I swing or let it pass?

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

h0peless posted 5/22/2013 19:04 PM

I think I already know the answer to this but here goes:

My boss called me into her office today , sat me down and asked me if I would be willing to transfer to one of our schools in Phoenix that's struggling a little bit. It would be a lateral move but it would come with a decent little cost of living increase in my pay. My initial reaction was to decline but I asked for some time to think about it and the more I do, the more I'm considering it. I'm trying to come up with pros and cons either way. Here are some of the biggest pros for either choice:

Stay in Tucson:

-Much nicer place to live (IMO)
-My family lives here
-I'm established and comfortable at the school I'm running now and it is doing well.
-Lower cost of living.
-MUCH better Mexican food

Move to Phoenix:

-Much greater social opportunities. I went to college in the Phoenix area and still have a lot of friends there.
-More money
-A change of scenery to jerk me out of my rut.
-More economic opportunities in the long run. Unless you're an engineer or a professor, there aren't many high paying jobs in Tucson.
-Only an hour and a half away from my family.


I'm really leaning towards accepting the transfer and making the move. If I hate it, I can always move back in a few years, especially since turning this school around is the one thing that is keeping the company from expanding and opening more schools both in Phoenix and Tucson. If I do move and am successful, there would likely be an opportunity for me to move back in a few years if that's what I wanted. I'd miss the hell out of my little brother and I would really miss riding my motorcycle up Mt. Lemmon or through Gates Pass though.

So what do you all think? Should I take the challenge and yank myself out of my comfort zone or should I stay where I feel at home? I'm leaning towards the former.

JessicaFL127 posted 5/22/2013 19:18 PM

I would take the transfer. An hour and a half away isn't a substantial change and the growth possibilities in your career is what sold me.

Williesmom posted 5/22/2013 19:21 PM

Take it. And take your motorcycle.

Change can be a good thing. Change with more money and opportunities is a better thing.

Sad in AZ posted 5/22/2013 20:29 PM

I hate Phoenix; I love Tucson. It would be a no-brainer for me, but you're young and it will probably be a good opportunity. If you like to hike, PM me and I'll give you the name of a great meet up group in Phoenix.

Good luck

cayc posted 5/22/2013 20:49 PM

Which option scares you more? Pick that one.

I'm not kidding. I'm the master of pro/con lists and can build them to support either side quite easily so I find them useless as a decision tool.

When it comes to my career, I have found that every time I've done the scary thing, it's worked out well, but every time I've done the safe thing (the but I should do thing), it hasn't.

[This message edited by cayc at 8:49 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday)]

h0peless posted 5/22/2013 20:51 PM

Moving definitely scares me more. I've lived there before and it was fine but I just feel so much more comfortable here and have a huge support system in place.

The irony is that if I do move, I'll live in the same city as my ex in-laws who don't talk to me anymore and the ex will live near my family who sure as hell doesn't talk to her.

kernel posted 5/22/2013 21:00 PM

Ok, I'll be the naysayer here. If they are offering a cost of living increase it is because it costs more to live there. So, do you really gain anything on the money side?

I think you should also seriously consider the emotional side of things. You've been through the wringer with the A. Are you ready for the stress and turmoil of relocating and a new job? Those are two huge stressors.

You say the school in Phoenix is struggling. Do you know why? You don't want to step into a bad situation. You spend a lot of hours of your life at work so a bad work situation will really affect your quality of life.

I'm just wanting to make sure you consider everything!

(I keep editing because I'm tired and my typing really suffers then )

[This message edited by kernel at 9:02 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday)]

h0peless posted 5/22/2013 21:12 PM

Ok, I'll be the naysayer here. If they are offering a cost of living increase it is because it costs more to live there. So, do you really gain anything on the money side?

The cost of living raise is somewhat more than the actual increase in cost of living. Long term, though, there are more doors that could open to me there than here.


I think you should also seriously consider the emotional side of things. You've been through the wringer with the A. Are you ready for the stress and turmoil of relocating and a new job? Those are two huge stressors.

I am moving either way. If the short sale on my house doesn't go through this month, the ex is going to stop paying her half of the mortgage. I can't afford it by myself. The original plan was to move in with my brother for a few months and find my own place here. Moving to a different city WILL be more stressful but not substantially so.

You say the school in Phoenix is struggling. Do you know why? You don't want to step into a bad situation. You spend a lot of hours of your life at work so a bad work situation will really affect your quality of life.

There are several reasons. The main one is leadership (and I obviously feel like I could help there or I wouldn't be considering it) but it is also located in a district that is really making an effort to retain at risk kids. Enrollment has been down for a few years and that is something I may or may not be able to fix. Either way, I'm confident that I can facilitate annual growth which is the important thing.

I'm just wanting to make sure you consider everything!

I'm trying! They want an answer by Friday although I may ask for the weekend to mull it over. In keeping in line with what Cayc said, I've always had better results professionally when I was willing to take a risk and step outside of my comfort level. I just don't know if it would be wise for me to pass this opportunity up.

kernel posted 5/22/2013 21:18 PM

It sounds to me like you're really considering everything. Go with your gut.

FWIW, if it was me,

-Much nicer place to live (IMO)
-My family lives here

- these two things would matter the most to me. But I'm 52 and you're not. And I've moved a lot in my lifetime.

[This message edited by kernel at 9:18 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday)]

persevere posted 5/22/2013 23:49 PM

There are several reasons. The main one is leadership (and I obviously feel like I could help there or I wouldn't be considering it) but it is also located in a district that is really making an effort to retain at risk kids. Enrollment has been down for a few years and that is something I may or may not be able to fix. Either way, I'm confident that I can facilitate annual growth which is the important thing.

I'm hearing that the employment opportunity within itself is important to you, and to me, that would matter tremendously. It sounds very challenging and satisfying. Balance that out with being not too far from home to begin with, and I think I would be sold.

stronger08 posted 5/23/2013 02:27 AM

Ya cant hit the bullseye till you shoot at the target.

Amazonia posted 5/23/2013 05:18 AM

Can you negotiate for more than just a COLA? I.e. ask for a raise?

Also, can you negotiate the ability to move back into your current district after 2-3 years if you want to at that time?

I would go in a heartbeat if I were in your shoes, but would definitely try to set myself up as well as possible first.

nolight posted 5/23/2013 07:44 AM

Moving is tough and scary but for me it wasn't until I moved that I really got into that final phase of healing and started really living. Big decision to be made!!

h0peless posted 5/23/2013 09:29 AM

Can you negotiate for more than just a COLA? I.e. ask for a raise?

Possibly. It probably depends a lot on whether or not the state decides to restore any education funding this year. We've been cut every year since 2008 so things are pretty tight.

Also, can you negotiate the ability to move back into your current district after 2-3 years if you want to at that time?

Yes, assuming there is a position for me here at that time. The company would be paying for my moving expenses and would expect me to stay for at least two years but after that, I could move back.

h0peless posted 5/26/2013 21:00 PM

I'm really thinking that I'm going to stay and pass up the opportunity. If it was an actual promotion, I'd probably go but the more I think about it, the more I think quality of life and proximity to family is more important to me that earning potential or career. I still have until Tuesday to decide for sure but when I think about moving there, I spiral into a bad place and when I think about staying here, I feel calm and content. I think I need to trust my gut on this one.

somanyyears posted 5/26/2013 21:44 PM


..trust your gut feelings..

..really, there is 'NOTHING' more important than family..

..and having them close to you..

..second... feeling calm and secure in your life is 'PRICELESS'..

..and remember.. $$$$money$$$$ can't buy happiness.. i know many will say it can help but..

..and if you need a change of scenery.. plan a vacation!

..you have the power to get out of the rut you feel you are in.. it's not the location but the frame of mind.

best of luck to you!

smy

homewrecked2011 posted 5/26/2013 23:01 PM

I think staying where you are is a good thing. My DDAY was a year and 1/2 ago and I am still not ready to move anywhere. Maybe next year, but for now it just overwhelms me. There will be opportunities later 4 u!

Sad in AZ posted 5/27/2013 00:50 AM

I have many wonderful SI friends in the greater Phoenix area, but after having lived in Tucson for 20 years, I found Phoenix soul-sucking.

I'm glad you're staying put.

h0peless posted 5/27/2013 11:23 AM

I lived there for 6 years and didn't hate it but I like it so much more here. I think I probably would have gone if it weren't for all of my family here. I have three living grandparents and they all live here. Both of my parents live here. My little brother lives here. When my sisters come to visit, they don't go to Phoenix.

h0peless posted 5/28/2013 20:14 PM

My boss is disappointed but making the decision I made was a HUGE relief to me. This means I'm going to go forward with my plans of moving in with my little brother for a while ($300/month rent will be great for building a small nest-egg and allow me to visit my sister, her husband and their baby in Italy this winter), buy more motorcycles (next up is a sweet '62 Honda Dream and then something more modern that I don't have to work on constantly) and spend time doing the things I love most, namely having fun outdoors (hiking, driving my Jeep)and spending lots of time with family.

I seriously feel about 1000 pounds lighter. Maybe I'll be able to sleep tonight. It's strange how much anxiety having to make that choice caused me.

[This message edited by h0peless at 8:20 PM, May 28th (Tuesday)]

Return to Forum List

© 2002-2018 SurvivingInfidelity.com ®. All Rights Reserved.