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Newest Member: Phoenix2rise (45723)

User Topic: Little late for this topic...
Linus1968
♂ 31243
Member # 31243
Default  Posted: 7:25 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mother's Day. It was mom's weekend with the kids, so I did not have to deal with texting WW you pick them up here at this and that time and place. I am trying to minimize the communication. I will communicate if I have to, but...
Ok, to the point. I did not send a "Happy Mother's Day" text to her. I did not do it to make a point, or to be mean, I am just not involved in her life so I didn't. She has the OM, anyway. I had church in the morning, my own mom, my sister, took a nap, ate, and I did not make it a priority. As I said, I don't want to communicate with her.
I was scanning SI, and see a lot of BWs writing how their WHs did send them celebration greetings and were upset or dumbfounded that they did write something. Meaning, the WH ruin their family and how dare they try to make up for what they did to their children with a greeting of happiness and joy (which I agree with). Well, I met a girl on a dating website and we got talking about each others WSs. She said "he didn't even send a Happy Mother's Day text". That is when the 'oh, crap' hit me. I do not feel guilty, but maybe out of respect, I should have sent one.
I usually don't send holiday greeting text message unless she does first. (They are few and far between. Usually Christmas). I don't like her and don't really want any connection considering the limbo divorce situation.
Anyway, maybe I am a jerk. Maybe not. I don't feel like a jerk.
I hate over thinking things and being weird. Sometimes, I think my middle name is Imadoofus...

You're an interesting species, an interesting mix. You're capable of such beautiful dreams and such horrible nightmares. You feel so lost, so cut off, so alone, only you're not. See, in all our searching, the only thing we've found that makes the emptiness bearable is each other. - Contact

[This message edited by Linus1968 at 7:29 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday)]


Me: Me
Her: Multiple men, multiple times, OC with the latest one
S: 16, D:14
May 27, 2014 DIVORCED!!!
In the words of Dory "Whew, I'm glad I got that off my chest."

Posts: 241 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Florida
gonnabe2016
♀ 34823
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well if it's any consolation, I have no intentions of sending Sultan a Happy Father's Day text......

.....and no. I won't feel guilty about it.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8181 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Linus1968
♂ 31243
Member # 31243
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

gonnabe, funny you say that. I have a birthday coming up on Sunday, and Father's Day next month. If I don't get any greetings from her, that would be the best present of all (other what my kids get me). It will actually make me happy.

You're an interesting species, an interesting mix. You're capable of such beautiful dreams and such horrible nightmares. You feel so lost, so cut off, so alone, only you're not. See, in all our searching, the only thing we've found that makes the emptiness bearable is each other. - Contact


Me: Me
Her: Multiple men, multiple times, OC with the latest one
S: 16, D:14
May 27, 2014 DIVORCED!!!
In the words of Dory "Whew, I'm glad I got that off my chest."

Posts: 241 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Florida
Phoenix1
♀ 38928
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 7:41 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am with gonnabe1016, I have no intention of sending one to POS for Father's Day, and have no guilt over it. He's not MY father. If the kids do something, that is fine (highly unlikely).

I would have been perfectly content had he not sent me a Mother's Day message. I was not expecting it, and quite frankly, coming from him it was tainted and almost an insult (if he had such high regard and respect, why did he cheat repeatedly??). We owe each other nothing in that regard.

Don't beat yourself up. You don't ower her anything, and you are not a jerk. A superficial sentiment is worse than not sending anything at all, IMHO...


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,18 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1260 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
wannabenormal
♀ 19772
Member # 19772
Default  Posted: 7:46 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're not late; as a fellow BS, I get that it's hard to want to wish someone well for something maybe you don't feel like they deserve?

Especially when there's an OP on the scene, undoubtedly telling them how great they are on this occasion.

But as a mother, I guess I kind of expect XH to wish me a Happy Mother's Day because you know what? I AM a damned good mom and he 'should' at least bother to tell me that.

I will also wish him the same on Father's Day because whether I think he lives up to snuff as the dad he was - he DOES care about our children and is a good dad to them. I will not be sending a box of "#1 Dad" golf balls, but I will say, "Happy Father's Day", likely via text. I will also purchase a gift from the kids for him as they're not working adults to do so for themselves. Nothing extravagant, but cards and like something small because no matter what a dick he was to me, he does try to be a good father.

I won't make a Saturday out of Father's Day shopping, but I know my kids will ask if they can do something for Dad.


We're not buddies or pals; we don't celebrate shit together anymore, but that is one day I 'expect' an acknowledge IF I deserve it, which I do. And I will tell him the same as well.

We women ARE interesting! (it's good and bad! ) You dudes keep us guessing as well!

As far as your situation - if it doesn't kill you to shoot a text; do it. If you truly feel she's not a good mom, don't...but if she is, next time do. Even if you know she's big headed about it; if she's good to the kids, let her know with a simple, "Happy Mother's Day" (say whore to yourself).



Posts: 14411 | Registered: Jun 2008
Zamas
♀ 38658
Member # 38658
Default  Posted: 8:20 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He bought me a Locket bracelet with the kids name a engraved on the back of it and I hate it. I love the bracelet but I can't enjoy it and I feel that it's tainted. It was inappropriate and not his place to buy me anything. It took away from my day. I wish he hasn't gotten me anything or acknowledged it at all.

For Father's Day I'm going to let the kids make him something or take them to a store and let them pick something out. Only because it will hurt them not to have anything for him, not because I want to celebrate his day. I will allow them to pick out their own gifts for him and that is appropriate I think, whereas he went shopping for me on their behalf and that is not something I want anymore.

You weren't wrong in not wishing her a happy Mother's Day. She has OM now to do that, why does she get you also?? She threw you away.


Me- SAHM 30yo BS
Him- 32yo WS
Three kids, 9, 7, 10mo

Their baby was born in Sept and they are happily househunting. He finally left 4/03.


Posts: 80 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: New Jersey
Linus1968
♂ 31243
Member # 31243
Default  Posted: 8:47 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, that is the point. My children do not come to my place with unexplained bumps and bruises.

Yet, within 6 weeks of the divorce call, the OM is paintballing with my son and the WW. I think he was around earlier.

When she found out she was pregnant, she told my children, on Thanksgiving Day, that she was going to marry the OM to have a father and family for the unborn child. (Which did not happen, I might add. Now, we have to deal with the legality of that. But, I digress)

My DD got mad about something at WW house. She yelled at the OM. I get a text saying "Can you speak to DD. She should not be yelling at OM like that," which WW is right, DD should not be yelling at adults. BUT...she is your daughter just as much as mine. Why am I the one to discipline her when she gets to my place?

My DS is not doing good in school at all. I visited his guidance counselor to find out what to do. I emailed his teachers over and over. I set up the account to get his grades by email to me and WW. I ride him by texting during school "Are talking to your teachers about make up work and if you don't understand the material asking." I set up a tutor. Then I get a text yesterday from WW "I see he has missing assignments. What is he missing?" I don't know. Look up the email, ask him, ride him "what assignment do you have?" Do the grunt work like I do. I am not sitting on all of his homework waiting for you to ask. Be a parent.

And, of course, this is the tip of the tip of the iceberg. I hope you get the point.
So, is she a good mom? My kids are not starving, no bruises, safe shelter overhead. But, all the crap she has put them through, I just don't want to talk. She want to be the fun mom. Sorry, I DON'T FEEL GUILTY. With my friend on the dating site, I just thought out of respect. Now, that I reviewed some of the things she has done...I am glad I didn't...

And if I get a Happy Father's Day text, I will toss my cookies on her...oops, I mean toss her a cookie...

You're an interesting species, an interesting mix. You're capable of such beautiful dreams and such horrible nightmares. You feel so lost, so cut off, so alone, only you're not. See, in all our searching, the only thing we've found that makes the emptiness bearable is each other. - Contact

[This message edited by Linus1968 at 8:48 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday)]


Me: Me
Her: Multiple men, multiple times, OC with the latest one
S: 16, D:14
May 27, 2014 DIVORCED!!!
In the words of Dory "Whew, I'm glad I got that off my chest."

Posts: 241 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Florida
Kajem
♀ 36134
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He left a month prior to Mother's day... I got nothing then although he did take the kids shopping for my presents... DD3 (then 10) wanted to get me jammies. She picked out a very cute satin top and shorts set that she wanted to give me. X tells her that is not my style. She tells him "it is now".

I took them shopping for him... and haven't received a text or acknowledgement in anyway for 10 years.

If he ever mentioned it.. I would return the favor. He gets what he gives.

Hugs,

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5528 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Kajem
♀ 36134
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Linus I get it.. my XH does absolutely nothing to help our kids.

Is he a good dad...in some ways yes. He hasn't missed a CS payment since I asked for income deduction. He provides a home for them, they will not starve at his house. He provides insurance.

Do I trust him with their emotional well being.. in a word NO. He is manipulative to the NPDegree. My older three kids get it.. youngest doesn't yet... but she is fast approaching the point where the others had their rude awakening.. so it's coming.

Hugs, keep being the parent that the kids can count on to keep them moving forward toward THEIR goals.

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5528 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
wannabenormal
♀ 19772
Member # 19772
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Linus- I get it; I'm living it.

Continue to be YOUR best. You're doing good..you are.

PM sent too.

[This message edited by wannabenormal at 2:03 AM, May 23rd (Thursday)]



Posts: 14411 | Registered: Jun 2008
Linus1968
♂ 31243
Member # 31243
Default  Posted: 5:27 AM, May 23rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone. I am actually doing good. I had a rough month (outside of her), but everything has panned out.
To all those just started, it does get better. I never thought I would be here. I am ok, even though she set off the bomb, and I am the one who has to clean up and file.
To all those single mothers force into this website and pulling double duty, a belated Happy Mother's Day to you, and an early Happy Father's Day to you, also. I understand. Keep it up.

Thanks again, everyone.

You're an interesting species, an interesting mix. You're capable of such beautiful dreams and such horrible nightmares. You feel so lost, so cut off, so alone, only you're not. See, in all our searching, the only thing we've found that makes the emptiness bearable is each other. - Contact


Me: Me
Her: Multiple men, multiple times, OC with the latest one
S: 16, D:14
May 27, 2014 DIVORCED!!!
In the words of Dory "Whew, I'm glad I got that off my chest."

Posts: 241 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Florida
Linus1968
♂ 31243
Member # 31243
Default  Posted: 5:57 PM, May 26th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugh. (shudder). She texted me a happy birthday. Plus, I didn't see my kids. As of Monday, I was going to be able to, but my daughter said Friday, they were going out if town. Long story that I don't feel like repeating.

But, not to fret, I went to a friend's house, had a blast. In fact, we celebrated 4 birthdays. 2 kids, 2 adults. So, it was good. As good as it can get without family.

You're an interesting species, an interesting mix. You're capable of such beautiful dreams and such horrible nightmares. You feel so lost, so cut off, so alone, only you're not. See, in all our searching, the only thing we've found that makes the emptiness bearable is each other. - Contact

[This message edited by Linus1968 at 7:51 PM, May 26th (Sunday)]


Me: Me
Her: Multiple men, multiple times, OC with the latest one
S: 16, D:14
May 27, 2014 DIVORCED!!!
In the words of Dory "Whew, I'm glad I got that off my chest."

Posts: 241 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Florida
Topic Posts: 12

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