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I can only change the future.

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AmIBroken posted 5/23/2013 07:54 AM

I know what I did was wrong and will always regret my actions. If you have never lived over 2/3 of your married life as a married single parent, kissing your husband goodbye when they leave for a deployment not knowing if you will ever see them alive again, how can others know what life has been like for us?

I cannot change my bad decisions. I cannot stop the runaway train my actions set in motion. I would step in front of the runaway train and stop it from hurting my husband if I could. I know in life no one gets a do over, actions cannot be undone; choices cannot be unmade, if only they could. I see the damage my choices have done, I would do anything to unmake those choices, I can't. All I can do is support my husband and make him feel important, he is very important to me. I think he felt I had pulled back a little and I admit I did, but I know we can't heal each other until we heal ourselves. Honey I know you will probably read this and want you to know I love you; I am working on my demons so that I will never go back to that dark place and the person that neither of us recognized.

Thank you for supporting my decision to persue my education so that I can have a job that I can be proud of. Thank you for trying to be happy about my career choices even though I know you had mixed feelings. Passing all my exams was one of the proudest moments of my life, I am glad you were there to share that with me. I know you still have mixed feelings about so many things, but, I love you and appreciate all the support you were able to provide.

We can get through this, all I have to remember is that when I get frustrated I must keep my mouth shut (wanted to use a cute icon, couldn't make it work). If Icon appears in a weird place, forgive me. I hope we can get through this together, as someone once said, together we stand, divided we fall. I am working on my demons and trying to think before I speak, look before I leap, and look at the consequences of any actions or inactions. Perhaps one day you will be proud to call me your wife, your love, your partner. Yes I was listening.

PinkJeepLady posted 5/23/2013 09:29 AM

It takes a strong and brave person to admit their wrongs and then a courageous person to do the work to fix it. Good for you!
Thank you for sharing your understanding of the effects your choices caused on the man you love. It's admirable to hear you are staying by his side and doing all you can. It's good to hear you respect him and his feelings.
There is always hope and you are a wonderful example. I wish BOTH of you much success and happiness!

20WrongsVs1 posted 5/23/2013 10:14 AM

when I get frustrated I must keep my mouth shut

Was the icon meant to express sarcasm? Or disgust because that's what you're promising to quit doing? Right there with you, sister. And is my favorite icon. Click the icons below the Submit Message button to insert an icon inline, not the ones on the right...those are for your post overall.

AmIBroken posted 5/23/2013 12:51 PM

I was being serious and wanted to put the little icon with tape over its mouth in there. Who knew that could be so complicated. I tried to surprise my husband with a card I created on line yesterday, it took hours and a new printer to print it. I felt really awful when I had to get him to spend a couple of hours working out how to make his surprise print. I can't seem to get a simple gesture right, everything becomes a battle of computer v someone very out of touch with modern technology.

Good thing that we are not dependant on modern technology to communicate and work on our relationship. Pity they don't have a icon of someone pulling there hair out, that would have been me yesterday.

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