My husband's relatives are nice but no, I'm not in the bubble. Neither is one of the other in-laws. I guess we are the "outlaws" :D
The thing is to stop trying to be there, and don't stand around being teary or needy because it will distance them all the more. General advice meant to lurkers and not to just the poster here:
Don't try to be a daughter to the in-laws (common mistake, to want them to feel maternal/paternal toward you). They didn't want another kid, they wanted a full adult able to raise their grandkids and be an adult because they aren't quite sure their own kid is up to the job of being one. So they will approve only if you're the grown-up and act the strong one of the married pair, and will disapprove and shred you up for being dependent on their approval or in needing them in any way that indicates you look to them in parental roles Don't confuse strength and confidence with bitchy-ness and whining. Look competent and capable. That's the way to play it.
Bring the covered dishes, help wash dishes at the end of dinner, wrap the gifts for holidays, stand for family photos, send cards and decide to no longer take it emotionally - just view them as distant neighbors you see once in a while. Go to their church on a Sunday when visiting without making a stink about it if you don't wanna go. Take a book for a weekend visit so you don't wear them down with conversation, and you can go to a different room to give them a break, but at the same time, don't hide so long with the book you get criticism for being stand-offish.
Learning to be an "in-law" has been terribly difficult for me because all that my husband told me they were or how they had been when he was growing up, was all fiction as to what they liked or enjoyed. Took me years to figure out he just gave them attributes and attitudes he wished they had, and assuming those were true, I made many mistakes in how I approached or talked to them informally.
Also, I see some daughters-in-law who are very control oriented and seem always to be upset and bitchy to in-laws over small stuff. If you don't like the outfit you mom in law gave the baby, say thank you and SHUT UP about the complaining.
I think the happiest daughter in-laws are the ones who are there in illness or help in tough times, but who just let the rest of it be surface stuff and not to try to force affection.
[This message edited by Heavy Sigh at 8:28 AM, May 23rd (Thursday)]