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katiesmom posted 5/23/2013 09:58 AM

Some background about my situation: My ex left me in July 2010. We were married 12 years, together 15 years. Divorce was final in Dec. 2010. He ended up marrying the OW in April 2011, causing my DD, who was 8 at the time, and me a great deal of pain.

Fast forward to today: He and homewrecker are basically living the good life. Numerous trips, automobiles, a hot tub and money to spare. Definitely not the case for me, as the divorce left me broke. I do work and receive a pitiful amount of child support, but its not enough. Every year since the divorce, they have planned trips to take DD to Disney World. The thought of her on a trip with the homewrecker is more than I can handle. Never have I hated two people more in my life. They are terrible and just go about their lives like they did nothing wrong!

DD doesn't like going either, saying it's too long to be apart from me. It really is. I miss her so much and she misses me. She won't tell him she doesn't want to go because she doesn't want to make him mad. He is a very manipulative, controlling person with a bad temper and my daughter only goes on the Disney trips so that he won't get mad. Plus, he really doesn't give her a choice. He never asks if she wants to go. He just tells her he and the whore have paid for the trip and that she is going.

She leaves tonight and won't return until next Friday. I am so depressed. It feels like he is just constantly rubbing it in my face. We once took a vacation to Disney World with DD, and it makes me sad that she is now going there with him and his newly created family, which also includes a teenage stepson, who my daughter also despises, but not as much as OW. They turned her world upside down and she has told me she can never forgive her dad or the OW. I once told my ex that I never thought my children would come from a broken family. His answer was "It's not broken. We are just a different kind of family." Really? Is that really what you believe? As our daughter pulls her hair out, withdraws from everything and has to go to therapy!? I guess the worries were not there for him like they were fore me. He just jumped right into another marriage before the ink dried on the divorce papers. I on the other hand lost 40 pounds, went on antidepressants and had to seek counseling.

And the idiots apparently have joined some sort of Disney World vacation club and go all the time. Even though we live 12 hours away from it. They even go without my daughter during the year. They are obsessed with Disney and have made my daughter hate it.

I know there is nothing I can do. I just need to vent. I have been dreading this vacation since I heard about it a couple of months ago. And, it's three days longer than the vacation last summer. I don't like her being apart from me that long and that far away from me. I am so upset right now and have been struggling for days with anxiety, crying and lack of sleep. Some days I still can't believe this is my life.

At least with the vacation here, I can stop thinking about it and dwelling about it. Now I can just begin my countdown to when my DD returns home to me where she belongs.

Kajem posted 5/23/2013 10:13 AM

((((((Katiesmom)))))))

It will get better.. with that dreaded word - time.

More hugs. Keep posting....

K

katiesmom posted 5/23/2013 11:11 AM

Thank you, Kajem.

Sometimes it helps just to vent and to know that someone is listening and understands.

Hugs

jo2love posted 5/23/2013 11:38 AM

(((katiemom)))

I'm so sorry.

Newlease posted 5/23/2013 11:58 AM

Sounds more like a punishment than a vacation for your DD.

I know it's hard, but you shouldn't let her see you stressing over it. It will be hard enough for her to go without worrying about you. Try very hard to be upbeat and remind her that you will see her soon. Can you call her during the time you are apart? Make plans for that if possible so she can have that link to you.

It sucks, but there isn't anything you can do about it but try to make it as easy on her as possible.

Also you need to find activities to do while she is away to take your mind off it.

Sending strength and peace.

NL

nowiknow23 posted 5/23/2013 12:30 PM

((((Katiesmom)))) How are you passing the time while she's gone, honey? What can you do for YOU with this week?

better4me posted 5/23/2013 13:38 PM

(((Katiesmom))) said gently--you need to do somethings for yourself, something fun or interesting, while your daughter is away. It isn't a good thing for our children to feel responsible for our happiness. Go do something on the cheap that is something you've wanted to do...visit a park, go to a museum, go to the movies and eat popcorn. Then when she asks what you did while she was gone, you can say "I missed you terribly but I was okay. I went and did ______ and it was fun."

Hang in there!!

fraeuken posted 5/23/2013 13:52 PM

((((katiesmom)))), so sorry to read about your situation. I am dreading the day too that XH will start to play happy family with my DDs. His first attempts have failed miserably.

I agree with everybody else. Do something good for yourself, it does not have to cost a lot of money to treat yourself. A movie, the library to get some good books you can lose yourself in, catching up on some TV shows, get some sleep, go for a walk.

All things I am doing for myself this weekend too as XH is traveling with my girls.

Hugs to you.

katiesmom posted 5/23/2013 21:54 PM

She left about an hour ago. It was hard to let her go, but I held it together. She, however, was crying, which made it harder for me.

I appreciate all of your feedback and suggestions for me. I plan on heading back to to the gym and maybe catching up on some tv shows that I have recorded. Maybe read a little and see my family. Of course, working will take care of part of my days. It sucks to not have her around and it sucks to know she is spending time with the woman who wrecked my marriage, but I have to try to be strong. Sometimes that is easier said than done.

And now I can just begin the countdown to when she returns home. She is my world and I watched her go through so much after her father left. We have a bond that is incredible. No matter how far away she is, she is my daughter and I have no doubts in my mind how much she loves me. Again,everyone, thank you for your kind, caring responses. Hugs to all!

katiesmom posted 5/23/2013 22:06 PM

On a side note, this was DD's last day of 4th grade, and she got straight As. She has been making them all year. So proud!

She also sang and danced in a talent show yesterday and is a totally different kid than the one she was right after her father left. She is no longer withdrawn or angry and stopped pulling her hair out. She has a lot of friends and is very kind to others...one of the first ones who will stand up to a bully if she sees someone being teased.

She has overcome a lot and I couldn't be prouder of her accomplishments. I must be doing something right! OK, I am done bragging now!

nowiknow23 posted 5/23/2013 22:18 PM

Brag away!!!

damncutekitty posted 5/23/2013 22:23 PM

FWIW, when I was 13 I begged my parents to not tke me to Disney. I have never thought that waiting in line for stupid rides constituted a "vacation" by any definition.

katiesmom posted 5/24/2013 08:05 AM

I am with you on that one, damncutekitty! I have been twice to Disney, once with my daughter, and it was too hot and the lines and crowds were horrible.
I can think of about a million other places I would rather go. DD feels the same way. She hates rides and waiting in line.

ladies_first posted 5/24/2013 10:19 AM

"I missed you terribly but I was okay. I went and did ______ and it was fun."

Yes!!!!

Can you use the next week to figure out who YOU are, without your role as "Katie's mom"? Step outside your comfort zone. Dare to try something new.

katiesmom posted 5/24/2013 10:53 AM

Can you use the next week to figure out who YOU are, without your role as "Katie's mom"? Step outside your comfort zone. Dare to try something new.

I am going to try this. I have never been one for stepping too much out of my comfort zone, but it sure wouldn't hurt. Always been a bit on the shy side. I have to admit, I did step way out of my comfort zone a few times after the divorce first happened. Some of it good, and some of it NOT so good. Unfortunately, some of my actions right after the ex left were downright stupid! So I kind of stepped away from stepping too much out of my comfort zone for a while.

I am going to a minor league baseball game on Monday with some friends. I know nothing about baseball but am looking forward to it! I bet it will be lots of fun.

ladies_first posted 5/24/2013 11:44 AM

I am going to a minor league baseball game on Monday with some friends.

Bebba1171 posted 5/24/2013 12:57 PM

Excellent Idea on the ballgame.

Sent you a private message Katie.

Allen
Paducah, Ky