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tryingagain74 posted 5/23/2013 13:02 PM

I thought that the paperwork would be coming through the mail, but my L just sent me another document to sign, so that tells me that I won't be receiving any paperwork for at least another week if not more. I can't believe that STBX is creepy, low, and gross enough to ask OW to marry him when our D isn't even official. If this were a situation where I was deliberately being vindictive and had been dragging the D out for years, I suppose that would be one thing, but he had me served this past April, so it's been a little over a month!

I'm just venting. I know I'll never understand it. When I met STBX, I was LD dating a guy who had graduated from our college and had gone off to med school, and we had agreed to see other people. Before I would consent to officially dating STBX, though, I told him that I wanted to officially break it off with the old BF. It felt slimy to me to let the old BF think that we had some sort of future when I was really interested in STBX-- and I was only 19 and dating back then! I just couldn't imagine dating two guys at once, stringing them both along... and look what I chose and what I eventually married.

He's like a villain out of a Shakespeare play, only less eloquent. He's nothing but a two-dimensional, sad stereotype, and I kick myself when I think how I willingly married and had kids with nothing more than the false image that he projected. I blame myself for ignoring some aspects of his personality that I should have taken a closer look at; I clearly saw what I wanted to see, but I was an idealistic kid when I met him. I hope that the person that I am today never makes the same mistake again. To see how disrespectfully he treats women and relationships (and I include the OW in that-- he doesn't even have the decency to wait until his divorce is final before he gets her on the hook)... I just couldn't be more disgusted.

Hope24 posted 5/23/2013 13:20 PM

What an asshat.

This must be a rough time for you.

(((TA74)))

dmari posted 5/23/2013 13:41 PM

What a pathetic dickless asshole. Sending you hugs and support!

nowiknow23 posted 5/23/2013 14:54 PM

I don't know which is worse - asking your girlfriend to marry you while you're still married OR agreeing to marry a married man.

lostmommy posted 5/23/2013 15:44 PM

(((Hugs))) I've been there. It's a dick move, to be blunt. They just live so totally in their own fantasyworld that they don't see anything wrong with it.

tesla posted 5/23/2013 18:09 PM

It's fucking baffling to me.
I mean, come on, isn't this divorce costing him something in retirement and splitting of assets? Why in the hell would you jump right back into it before you are out of the first one?

Sheesh...can anyone of us imagine being that fucked in the head?

Dadtryingtocope posted 5/23/2013 18:36 PM

hugs for you ((trying)).

I just dealt with the same thing. My EW just got engaged and we are only a month out from D. I'm sure they had it planned long before that. I'm sure she said to him "You are all I have left I gave up everything, I need insurance coverage, etc. etc. etc."

It baffles me how a year ago she was married to me and in my eyes everything seemed fine. I don't understand them, I don't think I ever will. I don't think I want to. Just know that everyone here told me as well, it won't likely survive.

And vent away. That is what we are here for.

suckstobeme posted 5/23/2013 20:41 PM

He is a grade A, classless POS. And she is as ignorant and clueless as the day is long. No one in her right mind would drool over a dude who slips a ring on her finger when he's still very much married. That certainly is not my fairy tale. That is nothing but twisted.

I'm so sorry this is hurting you. I know he's blathered on about the possibility of getting married for a few months, but it's different when it becomes reality. It's one more kick in the face from this douche. And we need more kicks to the face like we need a hole in the head.

While I know how hard it is and I too find my mind wandering into bad territory, please do not blame yourself. No blame belongs to you in any of this. We are all human and of course we see what we want. Before this horrible betrayal enters our world, most of us see the good in people and try to brush away any of the bad. Whatever his flaws at the time, he certainly was not this person. He was a person that you loved and that's why you willingly married him and had kids with him. He chose this and it was nothing you could have predicted. Period.

We all got dealt a real shitty hand. There's no doubt there. But, we also all did our best with what we knew and felt at the time.

I'm sorry you are hurting. (((((trying)))))

dazdandconfuzed posted 5/24/2013 07:38 AM

My xH swore there was no infidelity, blah blah blah. Our D was final on a weekday, he got remarried that weekend. To someone I introduced him to at our wedding. She eventually became xW #2. I will never understand that mentality.

I remarried 4 years later and STILL wondered if it was too soon.

Ashland13 posted 5/24/2013 07:55 AM

I'm sorry, TA74.

That's what I have, too. Last year Perv called to talk to a relative of mine and actually talked of M with OW and I was not even aware she existed!

FWIW, what I have learned that adds to the terribleness of it, is that there are people out there who simply cannot be alone. It doesn't matter to them, the damage they do to another person, so long as their way is had, at any and all costs.

I've seen this with Perv and with another relative and both are NPD, really, really extreme.

What they seem to be searching for is what I call "situations", which include needy people they can entwine themselves with very quickly and of course, control.

The people who taught me these life lessons were the two closest people in my whole life. I will confess he is one and the other? My own mother.

What I'm learning is that NPD's -these two anyway-can hang on a really long time and it tricks the person they "choose" into security, but it's false. It's all false. But when we live it, we want a relationship so badly as well that we fall for it.

I'm watching this with my mother and the current heartthrob, as my father calls them. Unfortunately, he stopped drinking (he claims) and is waking up to her shenanigans. And the more stuff he tries to get her to change, the more he's going to get changed.

I don't know if that will help anyone, but that would be my bet and guess as to what's happening with your STBXH-he's petrified, deep down, to be alone and found a "Willing Victim", like in one of Pink's songs.

I predict for that OW and Perv's OW that as long as they can be doormats and provide what he thinks he wants, they'll stick around. And like my freind says, wait til a flashy skirt goes by again.

The other point that IC made that took a long time for me to handle, is that Perv was detatched from me eons ago and just faking his part in the M until he "secured" his spot with an OW. I was the only one truly being a M person and was M to a shadow.

This woke me up out of my BW fog and has got me moving a bit, though the grief still has heavy times.

I'm sorry for your loss and life changes and wish that we could have had chances for the information with which to make the choices for ourselves, as our spouses did in other ways.

And it's become interesting when I combat the fear and stand up to him, because he'll back down and change the words. It's all about minimalizing and blaming and with that knowledge for me, I can keep reminding myself I'm not the "bad guy" like he tells me.

I'm struggling now because I have to review the draft of the decree and I have no courage.

If anyone has any advice, I would be glad to know it?

I was thinking of starting a thread for that to seek help.

Thank you.

Vulcanized posted 5/24/2013 08:28 AM

(((TA)))

FTG. And FTOW.

They're both delusional & tacky to boot. The sooner you are no longer associated w/this ass-goblin, the better.