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Chefj9 posted 5/23/2013 13:43 PM

Those who have followed my post and story know that I just went through a horrific weekend, more lies revealed and more TT. We have a bunny boiler also for an OW and she continues to circumvent blocks etc.

I also know that everyone continues to harp on no contact with OW, however.... If I didn't have contact with her, I'd know nothing even remotely close to the truth. So yesterday I checked her FB status because she's been off the rails for several weeks (please no 2x4's, I can't take it right now). She posted a very strange post tagging a woman that my husband worked with years ago. (WH knew OW for years before the A started) that they mutually know. I asked him about it. He immediatly got all upset and was certain that OW was bad mouthing him to this woman to gain sympathy etc. I said, let it go, she's trying to get a reaction out of you. We need to just ignore it. Well, he didn't take my advice and he started texting this other woman and blurted out the entire story about what he had done, which I thought was a lot to devlulge to someone you don't talk to very often if ever.

Well, her responses were short and curt and it was obvious she was sending his text to the OW. So he breaks down and calls OW and she refuses to answer the phone. One final plea to just please go away and leave us alone. (yes, we know that was the worse thing he couldn't have doneagain, I don't need another lecture about NC.)

Long story short, today OW emails me (she got around the block) and tells me that my WH had an affair 4 years ago with this other person. So now I have OW#2. These 2 are now in cahoots on FB, airing everything to everyone and anyone that'll listen.

Of couse I confront WH... He denied it last night, he denied it for 45 minutes, until finally... he blurted it out because he knew I was going to call OW#2 to get the truth.

He's a pathelogical liar. A cheater and I am disgusted at myself for staying with this man and giving him chance after chance.

Tonight is my daughter and step-daughters u8th grade graduation mass and ceremony. I just want to get in my car and drive until I can't drive another mile....

I hate him right now in this moment

Lalagirl posted 5/23/2013 13:50 PM

No 2x4's just a big (((((HUG))))) - you have been through enough.

Get through tonight and enjoy the graduation.

Keep posting - let us know what you need from us and we will help you.

unarmbears posted 5/23/2013 13:52 PM


I am so sorry your WH cannot tell you the whole truth and just clear the air.

It is torture to be where you are right now.

I think the question to ask yourself is are you willing to have this keep happening? How will you ever know when he is telling the whole truth.

lost100 posted 5/23/2013 13:55 PM

So sorry to hear that you are getting more and more bad news. Keep yourself and your family safe. I think that no contact should be a major consideration for you at this stage.

brokensmile322 posted 5/23/2013 14:18 PM

I am so sorry Chef. ((Hugs))

Please try to make it through this special occasion and then I really think you need to figure out what you want and where you go from here.

Maybe take some time to think about everything. Have some you time. Obviously, your WH is getting it right now that he needs to come clean.

Big hugs to you!

Edith posted 5/23/2013 14:18 PM

Wow Chef, just wow.

If I were you, I would set something of his on fire.

What a jerk. So sorry you are going through this.


HereWeGo62 posted 5/23/2013 14:23 PM


I am so sorry for the pain your WH is putting you through again. Your story is very similiar to mine. I found out 18M after Dday that there were at least two other A's that I did not know about. I went numb for days.

You will survive this and come out on top. We are all here to help you get through this, please take care of yourself.

luv_lost posted 5/23/2013 14:30 PM

(((Chef))) Oh Chef, my heart breaks for you. We're here for you. Regarding your WH, what an ass!!!! Guess the TT continues. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I'm thinking about you.

GingerAle posted 5/23/2013 14:44 PM

I am so sorry Chef, additional DDays and TT are pure torture. We are here for you ((((Chefj9))))

Getting to Happy posted 5/23/2013 15:17 PM

OMG this is tough. Stay Strong.


1Faith posted 5/23/2013 15:20 PM



Try to simply focus on your daughters and the words during mass. The Lord will speak to you and your heart.

I am sorry this has happened to again.

Have your tried IC for you? I am concerned why your husband is even concerned what these women think about him. If he truly wants reconciliation, then his focus has to be on YOU.

Deep breaths and know that you are worth being treated right, you are.

Sorry for your pain.

One day at a time. Hugs and prayers.

libertyrocks posted 5/23/2013 15:27 PM

No advice, just sympathy. I am torn for you. I wish I could take away some of your pain...

I'll say a little prayer for you.

[This message edited by libertyrocks at 3:27 PM, May 23rd (Thursday)]

Chefj9 posted 5/23/2013 16:03 PM

unarmbears -

I think the question to ask yourself is are you willing to have this keep happening? How will you ever know when he is telling the whole truth.

No, I'm not. I'm just not. And every fiber of my being tells me that this is not everything. I don't believe a word out of his mouth.

Brokensmile322 -

Obviously, your WH is getting it right now that he needs to come clean.

No, he doesn't get it, that's the problem. This has been going on for weeks. All he's proving to me is that I'm not the priority. His self preservation and selfishness clearly come first.

Edith - I think I'd like to set him on fire, and never look back. I have never been through anything like this in my life. I never thought that I could get to the point of really wanting to leave. I am so close.

1faith -

Have your tried IC for you? I am concerned why your husband is even concerned what these women think about him. If he truly wants reconciliation, then his focus has to be on YOU.

Deep breaths and know that you are worth being treated right, you are.

I went to IC, and didn't have a good fit. I guess I need to find a new one. I've been to IC for years, worked out FOO issues, worked out all the things that WH told me I was so horrid for (lies and manipulation). I resent that I'm put in a position to go and "work on me" again. I didn't ask for any of this. We're in MC, but I don't really see the point right now, he's incapable of telling the truth.

Libertyrocks - Thank you ((((hugs))))

SoVerySadNow posted 5/23/2013 16:34 PM

You are living the nightmare we all fear.
I have a graduation for the 6 yo tonight (kindergarten) and I'll be thinking of you and wishing you peace while you try to be in the moment tonight. This will all be there to take up again afterward. But take a break tonight.

Edited-darn iPad!

[This message edited by SoVerySadNow at 4:35 PM, May 23rd (Thursday)]

1Faith posted 5/23/2013 16:53 PM


My suggestion for IC would be so you could get perspective on what it is you want and how to achieve happiness with or without your WH.

It certainly isn't to "fix" you as you have not done this. You have not chosen to cheat. WH owns that alone.

He is a serial cheater and he has to figure that out. His poor, selfish choices.

I wish for you to look to see what it is you are willing to put up with and what you aren't. He hasn't changed because he hasn't had to.

Give yourself a break. You loved your husband. He chose not to be true to that love.

Stay strong and focus on a new day where you feel whole and complete again. I know at this stage it seems impossible but it is not.

You matter. You deserve truth, honesty and love. Don't settle for lies and manipulation.

Keep moving. If anger is your fuel for awhile so be it. You have EVERY right to be angry and upset.

Feel what you need to feel and be your own best friend. Don't let the affairs or your WH define you.

Sending hugs and prayers.

Keep moving. You can do it.

sadtoo posted 5/23/2013 17:01 PM

I'm so sorry.

Sometimes you have a broken WS who is beyond repair. And for whatever reason continues to lie and cheat.

It's up to you how much you are wiling to take.

The hardest part for me was I needed to know the truth.

In the end, I had to face the fact that he was not capable of the truth and I was NEVER going to know the truth.

256shute posted 5/23/2013 18:20 PM

I'm so sorry for the pain that you're in Chef. Try to hold your head up and enjoy tonight.

I hope that you can find peace.

Chefj9 posted 5/23/2013 18:49 PM

Thank you all for the support. I'm trying to smile and enjoy the moment.

k8la posted 5/23/2013 22:59 PM

Chefj9 - have you considered requiring a polygraph before you will consider even speaking to him again?

confused615 posted 5/24/2013 05:11 AM

2.5 years into our R, WH TT'd that he had had another AP/PA...this one taking place a few months prior to the one I found out about on dday#1.

I think you're right. There's more. Your gut is screaming. Shortly after he TT'd me,I thought he had told me everything...I was in shock,I suppose. Now,I know there's more...there has to be. I know it. I feel it. I knew throughout the last few years there was more,though he swore there wasn't. I will never doubt my gut again,and you shouldn't either.

WH has agreed to take a polygraph...hasn't done it yet(financial,work,and his father died a few weeks ago).

Would your WH take a poly?

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