and I'm not feeling like I've "gained" anything. I feel like after 2 years of battling and fighting and doing all I can, my world is still crumbling beneath me.
stbxwh isn't a total jerk. He's screwed up my life and taken my family from me, but I know, despite all his horrible choices, he still loves his kids. He isn't a deadbeat dad...a selfish dad, yes, but not deadbeat.
I worked with stbxwh (his company) for 12 years and during the divorce process he fired me because he didn't want to work with his ex-wife (and he promptly hired ow). This makes him an ass, but neither of us thought there would be any issues with me collecting unemployment and we both were certain I'd get a new position quickly. Wrong on both counts.
I think my attitude would be brighter if I was employed becauase right now I'm worried about finances. I have a wonderful new home that I bought on my own last year, but I'm struggling with mortgage payments.
Overall, I can't help feeling like so much was taken from me...my family, my husband, my companion, my job, my security, etc. Friends tell me my life will be better, but I don't see it. I see stbxwh riding off into the sunset with ow while I make my way on my own as a single mom of 4 kids. I love my kids and they are what keeps me going each and every day. They can bring me smiles when all I want to do is cry. But, I miss having a partner. Someone to bounce ideas off of, someone to chat about my day with, someone to "face the world" with.
I'm a strong person, but I feel like I am starting to weaken. Like I said, I'm sure a lot has to do with my unemployed status because that is causing me a lot of stress. But, aside from that, I guess I'm feeling lonely....