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Newest Member: WalkingDead (52998)

User Topic: Need some support
♀ 8577
Member # 8577
Sad  Posted: 3:58 PM, May 23rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It has been quite sometime since I have posted here. I don't even know if this is the right place for this post.

I have had sole custody of my children since 2005. My Ex was pretty much absent from our lives from 2003 to 2005. My children were 3 and 5 then.After we legally separated in 2005 and I had sole custody (it is by a written agreement both of us had legal counsel), my Ex has seen the children every other weekend, Christmas and a week during the summer. It is pretty much a "disney dad" type situation.

On Tuesday I received a letter from a lawyer for my Ex. He has demanded my dd(now 13) move in with him. If I do not agree, they will commence court proceedings. He and the OW (they are now married) live 1 1/2 hours drive from us. He is not asking for my ds(now 15).

The letter was backdated to last week and based on the date I received it, it gave me one day to respond. I wrote back saying I need time to obtain legal counsel. I don't know if they will wait or if I will get served with an Application for Court.

I spoke with my dd and she said she is curious to see what it is like to live in the city and go to school in the city but she is unsure (we live in the country). She then broke down crying.

After 10 years I cannot believe I am having to face this.

This has been so upsetting. I am trying to eat and sleep, but it has been hard.

Posts: 2036 | Registered: Oct 2005 | From: Canada
♀ 7767
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, May 23rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just because he goes for it doesn't mean he will get it.

Try not to stress out. You have been a good, responsible parent.

Your X is a jack*ss.

Sending strength and peace.


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 8043 | Registered: Aug 2005
♀ 10552
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, May 23rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with NL... he can demand until he's blue in the face but that doesn't mean he'll get what he wants.


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15674 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
♀ 10506
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 6:26 PM, May 23rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


It sounds to me like he is trying to prey on your fears and bully you. FTG.

Take the time you need to find the right legal counsel for you and then proceed from there. In the mean time, gather any documentation that you can of his visitation and contact with the kids. Start with emails and text messages.

Try not to worry. I think if you are stressed out then your DD will become stressed out too. If he had not hit you with this legal crap then I would suggest that you allow DD to spend several weeks in a row with him this summer. That would allow her to explore her curiosity. But what he did was a cheap shot and was not in the best interest of your DD. Even if she said to him that she wanted to see what living in the city was like, he should have talked to you about it rather than threaten you with legal action. Asshole!

Try to stay calm. Put on a happy face for the kids so they do not worry. You will get thru this.

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17695 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
♀ 27148
Member # 27148
DOH!  Posted: 6:30 PM, May 23rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Npd-x threatens me with legal action on occasion. He never followed through and did not even hire a lawyer.

His recent one used a lawyer friend...nothing cam of it because he had not really hired her.

So, your X could be offering a hollow threat. I would not respond to him until you get a letter from the court.

In the meantime, go for a consult with an attorney to see where you stand.

Nothing will happen quickly. You have time on your side.

Someone I once loved gave me/ a box full of darkness/ It took me years to understand/ That this, too, was a gift. - Mary Oliver

Posts: 3585 | Registered: Jan 2010
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 6:30 PM, May 23rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((dawning & dd)))) I'm so sorry you are dealing with this, Dawning.

Your DD is old enough that the judge may give her wishes preference, but I am skeptical that the court would find cause to separate the kids and change a custody arrangement that has been in place and working well for 8 years.

You can call me NIK

"The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it." - Brene Brown

Posts: 35295 | Registered: Aug 2011
♂ 36726
Member # 36726
Default  Posted: 6:43 PM, May 23rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with NIK on this. Unlikely a court will take away custody from a parent who has been doing a fine job. From what I know, which is not a lot, your DD may be able to make a choice on custody if the court requests it. But NIK may be correct in stating that the court may not allow the kids to be separated. Your attorney should direct you on this.

And I also believe you will be given proper time to retain counsel since you just received the letter. Your attorney can definitely request it based on he/her just getting retained.

BH me 47
WW her 39
DDay 8-17-12
2 kids (13, 10)
Filed for D 9/14/12
Divorced 4/17/13
She - engaged 5/13 married 9/13

Posts: 656 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: PA
♀ 36134
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, May 23rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Talk to a lawyer.

My X and NW threatened a lot to take custody away from me. Several lawyers I consulted ( I love free consultations!) told me that he wouldn't get sole custody because 1) he originally agreed to the custody we had. 2) An agreement is an agreement is an agreement.

For him to wrest custody from me.. he would have to prove I am an unfit mother. To be unfit I would have to be selling my body and having sex in front of my kids... and he would have to have proof of that. I would need to be a drug addict that did drugs in front of my kids. And he would have to prove that. one lawyer even went so far to say the courts even award abusive parents custody.

I figured since I maintain a home, they have food and are doing well in school... he would have a hard time taking custody away. My guess is his attorney told him the same thing. He never attempted it.

It is fearful to think they can do it. But think it thru... it doesn't make sense.



I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 6659 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
♀ 30707
Member # 30707
Default  Posted: 8:07 PM, May 23rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


What doesn't kill us makes us smaller. - Mario

Posts: 290 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Canada
♀ 31528
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, May 23rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 44480 | Registered: Mar 2011
♀ 25957
Member # 25957
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, May 23rd (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some lawyers will agree with the whims of clients no matter what. Idiotic clients who think they are entitled to the moon in the sky are cash cows for some unscrupulous lawyers.

What kind of parent could possibly give consent to such a drastic change in custody in one day?! Even if he does go to court I highly doubt a judge would agree to this change.

I know it is easier did than done, but please do not allow this to negatively affect you. Try to find an attorney to speak with - a professional will be able to offer some sense of comfort.

Posts: 1323 | Registered: Oct 2009
♀ 8577
Member # 8577
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the support.

I have some calls out to lawyers that are highly recommended - hopefully I will hear back soon. I have decided to get my self back into counseling as I think it can only help and have scheduled an appointment for Wednesday.

Posts: 2036 | Registered: Oct 2005 | From: Canada
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


You can call me NIK

"The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it." - Brene Brown

Posts: 35295 | Registered: Aug 2011
♀ 33440
Member # 33440
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Me (BS): 32, Mommy to J: 2 1/2 Divorced: 4/10/13
Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself

Posts: 485 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: NY
♀ 31468
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Dawning))) Please keep us updated. Is your DD in IC? It sounds like your X is putting her in a difficult situation too which is not very fair.

Me: BW-45
Him: XWH-45

Status: D 2011

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling

Posts: 5144 | Registered: Mar 2011
♀ 8577
Member # 8577
Default  Posted: 11:26 AM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had my children in IC when my Ex left back in 2005 and they stayed with IC for about 3 years. I am thinking that it might be a good thing to get them back into it.

Posts: 2036 | Registered: Oct 2005 | From: Canada
♀ 20849
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 2:35 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The court will go with what is in the child's best interest, and an abrupt change in custody is not in the child's best interest unless one parent is abusive or neglectful.

This is horrible that your selfish asshole bully of an ex is putting you and your child through this. Dawning, you have had sole custody since 2005. What makes him think that you will just hand your child over because he and his lawyer are demanding so? I'm not sure who he thinks he is.

Let him go to court. He is asking the court to remove your daughter from your home, separate her from her mother and sibling, start over at a new school where she will have to make new friends, etc...just on the "whims" of one parent.

In the meantime, you say he is a disney dad. So you have been the responsible parent taking care of her medical, dental, schooling needs? Get any documentation that supports that.

Also, explore with your dd a little bit more. Give her some time. If she really wants to try living in the city, it might be okay to let her do so (and then you would have shared custody as opposed to sole custody). But the fact that she broke down crying tells me she is stressed and unsure. I am wondering if he has been playing it up like it is some type of full-time vacation. Talk about it with her and let her know the realities. I wouldn't exaggerate anything and I wouldn't say anything negative about her dad. She is old enough to know the score. But just find out if there are any fallacies you need to correct.


[This message edited by NaiveAgain at 2:37 PM, May 24th (Friday)]

Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 16177 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Topic Posts: 17

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