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Althea (original poster member #37765) posted at 12:30 AM on Friday, May 24th, 2013
And I can't bring myself to buy him anything. Things overall are going very well. We are almost a year out, and he is still working very hard, we are both working hard. Still, I think about this anniversary; and I just can't bring myself to get excited about it. I made the mistake of Googling anniversary gifts in desperation and of course they are all over the top about the specialness of love and marriage. Ugh. I am feeling more along the lines of a gift that says Cheers, I honestly thought we would be divorced by now.
Does anyone have any ideas for me here? My WH will understand if I don't; but I would like to do something, I just don't know what.
Taking it one day at a time.
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 12:45 AM on Friday, May 24th, 2013
Hard to believe...not.
For our 1st post-D-Day anniversary, I told my W I might go out with her if she asked me out and arranged everything. I wasn't playing games - I genuinely wasn't sure. She did arrange something and asked me out, and we had a wonderful time.
If your H is committed to you, he'll understand - but I suggest you talk to him about your feelings.
Follow your heart.
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
Conflicted1 ( member #39019) posted at 1:25 AM on Friday, May 24th, 2013
Couples massage-you deserve a bonus for making it through a hard year too.
Honesty is a very expensive gift. Don't expect it from cheap people.
Althea (original poster member #37765) posted at 2:55 AM on Friday, May 24th, 2013
Sisoon, thank you. I came to the same conclusion after writing the post. Sometimes, just writing these thoughts helps me gain some clarity. I spoke to WH and told him how I was feeling, and told him that if he wants to do anything to celebrate the day he will have to take the lead. I just don't have it in me. He is happy to do that.
Conflicted, thank you for your response. Normally, I would be all over that; but I'm 6 months pregnant with a totally messed up back. I'm in PT and therapeutic massage weekly. Somehow couples massage just doesn't have the romantic feel it normally would 
Taking it one day at a time.
Althea (original poster member #37765) posted at 4:08 PM on Friday, May 24th, 2013
It turns out WH is very excited about planning an anniversary trip, and is more than ok with taking the lead. We talked about it in MC today, which helped too. She suggested looking back at our original wedding vows (we wrote our own) to see what we wrote to each other. She also suggested celebrating the future rather than the past. We are building something so much better than what we had, it is worth celebrating...I just wish it didn't fall so close to A season.
Taking it one day at a time.
Grimwyrm ( new member #39014) posted at 6:07 PM on Friday, May 24th, 2013
I have the same experience. My DDay was 3/31. We've come a very long ways since then due to some excellent MC, willing and motivated hearts, and God. However, celebrating 8 years is going to be bittersweet for me...
On the one hand, I'm thankful we made it...on the other, I get depressed thinking about what happened over the past year. I've been praying about this and asking God to grant me peace and the courage to look forward, rather than back. Post confession our M has been everything we always wanted it to be. Sometimes you have to have the mental discipline and courage to chase away those thoughts of the past and to focus on the future.
For me, that means looking at a picture of my WW and I going dancing. It was taken 2 weeks after she confessed and that event was one of our first dates and really helped put us back on the path to full R.
ms521 ( member #12008) posted at 6:28 PM on Friday, May 24th, 2013
We are building something so much better than what we had, it is worth celebrating.
I love this, hopeful!! I've always believed our anniversaries are still special because we are STILL married. We're still making it work. Where others might've fallen apart, we're trying to build something stronger. It deserves celebration.
Of course, that was how I felt last year on my anniversary when I was clueless about OW2. This year, I'm going to take your approach - WH can arrange. I'm tired of feeling like the only one fighting for us.
Madhatters.
Me: FWW (STA 2002), now a BW.
Him: FWH (OW1: 2006-2007), now just WH (OW2: 2010-2013)
I will never stop trying... because when you find 'the one' you never give up. (Cal Weaver)
keeponkeepingon ( member #32935) posted at 6:37 PM on Friday, May 24th, 2013
Good that you talked to your H about your feelings.
Our 17th anniversary just passed last weekend. I spent 2 weeks in IC talking to her about it and trying to sort feelings. I never really came up with a good solution but I at least spoke with MrKOKO about it. I told him it was all on him that day and it was too hard for me to even think of.
My original plan was to not buy a present for him. My IC convinced me that I should seriously consider buying something even simple for him, like a shirt. I did take her advice and got him some cologne that I know he likes. I did not wrap it nor get him a card. Hey but it was a step in the right directions.
Now if he had not gotten something for me the sh*t would have hit the fan. And I am not really a gift person.
"I know you and you know me and I know you can see. So help me get my way back to you"
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