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I'm feeling lonely

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FieldsOfLavender posted 5/24/2013 09:35 AM

It is overcast and the weather has been affecting my mood. My WH will be moving out in 2 weeks. I lost my job before Christmas. I feel very insecure now because I turned down an inflexible job with a long commute. In hindsight, I wish I had just accepted the job and dumped it for a better job that came up. I wasn't thinking straight.

FieldsOfLavender posted 5/24/2013 09:48 AM

Every summer since our dd was a toddler, we have been camping at the beach. It's something I look forward to to beginning and end the summer. For the first time, she has been asking when we are going this summer. I had already made reservations for the end of summer. I just checked the website to see if I could reserve at this late date something for early summer, and it just made me so deeply sad that I began to cry. This will not be a family tradition anymore - maybe for just my daughter and me. WH does not want a family with me in it.

ButterflyGirl posted 5/24/2013 09:49 AM

I've been noticing the gloomy weather around here as well. Certainly fits my mood sometimes..

Maybe try doing something nice for yourself today. A long hot bath, a phone call with a friend, meet someone for lunch, maybe try to get out and go shopping for a bit. Pick up your mood and then dust off that resume. Perhaps the best job for you has been waiting just around the corner


Zamas posted 5/24/2013 16:17 PM


Same here. I'm in NJ and this weather had me so down in the dumps I just want to curl up and cry. Cooking always relaxes me so I made a huge dinner of spiral ham, baked potatoes, biscuits, etc etc. Wayyyyy too much food for me and the kids but it made me get out of my head for a bit. Then I made a cake and planned movie night with the kids for tonight. Staying busy helps with the loneliness.

It's not even that I miss him in particular. I'm so angry and hurt I can't even think about him yet. I miss having an adult to talk to, something to look forward to at the end of the night. Being part of a couple, parenting together. My son said something so unintentionally funny today and it made me so sad bc I knew WH and I would have both picked up on if and shared a look, enjoying this boy we created together.

So I cooked a huge meal and ate my feelings, hahaha.

FieldsOfLavender posted 5/24/2013 16:38 PM

Just got a text from WH telling me he had dinner plans. With his whore of course! Every time he tells me that which is once a week, I feel like I have been kicked in the gut and feel the wind knocked out of me. For second or two, I lose my breath.

rumorhasit posted 5/24/2013 19:17 PM


Accepting change we didn't choose is so very heart wrenching. Thats why they say it is like grieving a death. Its okay to not be okay.

Right now I'm doing the "fake it 'til you make it" approach. Even if I feel awful, I get dressed, I go somewhere. I do something good for myself.

Two movies came out recently that WXBF and I had been planning to see. One was The Great Gatsby. I was angry that he would likely go see it with that horrible woman. So a freind and I made plans to go see it, at a luxury theater. I even dressed up a bit in 20s style. I bet WXBF didn't have as much fun as I did! I admit, it was bittersweet.

Take care of you, even if you don't feel like it. Take those traditions and know he is the one missing out! You shouldn't have to let go of traditions just because he couldn't see what he had! Add to the traditions. Pick a new activity to do while camping. Camp somewhere new. Make it yours, about you and your DD. Its okay to be sad about it. Just keep trying.

fallingquickly posted 5/24/2013 20:21 PM

My son said something so unintentionally funny today and it made me so sad bc I knew WH and I would have both picked up on if and shared a look, enjoying this boy we created together.

This kind of interaction with my WH went away while he was cheating. That connection is what I miss the most. Being able to catch each other's eye and communicate without a word.

suckstobeme posted 5/24/2013 21:48 PM


I'm sorry you are hurting. Your stbx is very cruel. I read your profile and, absent the physical abuse, he sounds a lot like my ex. He is just angry, unremorseful and cruel. Its amazing that this is how some people choose to treat their spouses.

It will hurt and make you very sad, but trust me when I tell you his moving out will also give you some much needed peace. You will no longer have to hear about his dinner plans with the skank while you stay home to take care of your child.

You will start to make new traditions, slowly but surely. It's very hard, but try to always have something for you and you child to look forward to. If the beach vacation is a trigger or not possible, do something else. Go on small overnight vacations. Maybe try a drive a few hours away, stay in a hotel (every kid loves a hotel) and go on an adventure at a zoo, amusement park, nature preserve, science museum, etc. If you have girlfriends with kids, all the better. Invite a friend or two and make a new normal.

Above all, be kind to yourself. This is a long, hard process. Know that some days will be much better than others. Some days will be full of hope for a better future and others will take you real low. Things will stabilize and eventually you will feel good on the majority of days.

Vulcanized posted 5/25/2013 00:06 AM


No words of comfort. Just empathy. Know what ya mean, here a state away. Had the same crumby weather, same longing for a life that no longer exists, w/o my choice.

Ugh. It really stinks at times.

newlysingle posted 5/25/2013 00:22 AM

I'm so sorry. I'm in AZ, so we have a never ending supply of sunshine here. I wish I could send some your way. Getting your WH will help you a lot in healing. I can't imagine still living with him while he flaunts his dinner plans. What an asshole.

I can understand you sadness about the camping trip. My STBX's grandparents had a home near the beach in northern CA. We used to go up every summer and stay with them for a couple of weeks. I loved being near the beach and loved them. They were so kind and sweet. I felt like they were my own grandparents. They both passed away about two years ago, one right after the other. Last summer, we went up as a family and stayed in their house for a month. It was sad in a way as they were gone, but it was such a wonderful time for us as a family. WS took time off of work and we really had a lot of family time.

DD just asked the other day about when we could all go up to the beach house again. I really had to hold back tears realizing that I would never get to go back to that house. That skank whore would probably get to go there from now on and she didn't even know his grandparents...had no idea how special they were to us. It's one of those things that will remain just a fond memory for me.

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