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libertyrocks (original poster member #38924) posted at 4:55 PM on Friday, May 24th, 2013
So, I've yet to read an A book. Guess, I'm too embarassed to walk into Barnes & Noble or the library for that matter (it will stay on my record forever!). Maybe I can go to a random used book store or find one on ebay.
So, what books have been the most helpful for you all??
Me-37 Ws-37
2 kids
Dday Nov 2012, TT for a year.
Reconciling for the third time in 4 years.
Grimwyrm ( new member #39014) posted at 6:01 PM on Friday, May 24th, 2013
I found His Needs, Her Needs and The 5 Love Languages to be the very best books for my WW and I. I can't recommend them enough.
Searchingforhope ( member #38437) posted at 6:05 PM on Friday, May 24th, 2013
Not Just Friends..by Shirley Glass..
That book saved me..seriously.
Me: BW 51 at the time(didn't have a clue)
Him: FWH 54 at the time(extremely remorseful about his stupid midlife crisis)
Married 27 yrs at the time
DDAY 04/25/12
Working on R
PA Lasted 2 weeks. OW totally screwed up $@#%.
Searchingforhope ( member #38437) posted at 6:08 PM on Friday, May 24th, 2013
Oh and I know how you feel about being embarrassed.
I had "After the Affair" in my hand at the bookstore...I think I was sweating..
I put it back on the shelf and ordered in online.
Also very glad that my library has "self-checkout" 
otherwise I would be spending a small fortune on books that I'm too humiliated to check out!
Me: BW 51 at the time(didn't have a clue)
Him: FWH 54 at the time(extremely remorseful about his stupid midlife crisis)
Married 27 yrs at the time
DDAY 04/25/12
Working on R
PA Lasted 2 weeks. OW totally screwed up $@#%.
ms521 ( member #12008) posted at 6:24 PM on Friday, May 24th, 2013
I'm going to second "Not Just Friends." Glass does a great job in discussing boundaries, and not only will YOU have a bunch of ah-ha moments as the BS (like she GETS you and what you're feeling!!), your WH will have some ah-ha moments as well if he's willing to read it openly. It's the best one we've read by far.
As for buying in a bookstore... click on the Amazon link to the left and buy it privately online while ALSO supporting SI!!! That's how I bought our last one, How to Help Your Spouse Heal. It was good too - but not as amazing at NJF.
Madhatters.
Me: FWW (STA 2002), now a BW.
Him: FWH (OW1: 2006-2007), now just WH (OW2: 2010-2013)
I will never stop trying... because when you find 'the one' you never give up. (Cal Weaver)
Bellecatprincess ( member #38902) posted at 6:37 PM on Friday, May 24th, 2013
How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful, MacDonald, Linda
This book validated my feelings!
and the 5 languages of love.
D-Day #1 3/21/2013
D-Day #2 5/24/2013
Me BS 41
Him 41
OW 30 (8 months w/the SL*T) found out 5/24/13 more like 15 months
M 16 yrs (5/27/2000)
Together 20 years
2 sons(21,20 both US Marines)
D will be final 6/21/2013 nothing left to save
Re
Lostinthismess ( member #39210) posted at 7:20 PM on Friday, May 24th, 2013
How to help your spouse heal was the best I've read so far. I'm half way through Not Just Friends and it really isn't doing anything for me. I read after the affair also and it was meh for me. I need one that addresses the drunk ONS mentality, still searching for that.
'You just keep living, until you are alive again'
'I don't want perfect, I want honest'
Lostinthismess ( member #39210) posted at 7:21 PM on Friday, May 24th, 2013
Oh, and I ordered all mine on the kindle through amazon. No way would I go to a bookstore 
'You just keep living, until you are alive again'
'I don't want perfect, I want honest'
PippaPeach6 ( member #37523) posted at 7:22 PM on Friday, May 24th, 2013
All the above are good, but "Not Just Friends" is the bible. Saved my sanity, for sure. I'm a big fan of "Kiss Me Like You Mean It" by David Clarke for reconciliation and getting out of the marriage "rut", and "Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by Dr. John Gottman for communication, especially. Really helped when we had "discussions" 
You can always order from Amazon.com, too -
Us: 50ish, madhatters, married 20 odd yrs
TT: May 2009 'til June
DDay for both: June 17, 2009
Me: 2x, same person, 1991
Him: 1.5 year PA (EA?) 2007-2009
Reconciled
Honey Badger don't care. - Randall
SadFlower ( member #37725) posted at 8:51 PM on Friday, May 24th, 2013
Another huge thumbs up for Glass' Not Just Friends. Also How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair--a quick read and very down-to-earth.
Intimacy after Infidelity is another good one. It gave me a lot of insight into the origins of my FWH's affair and into ways of relating that are toxic. (We're both major conflict avoiders--not good!)
As for marriage books, I've only read John Gottman's Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work and thought it was outstanding.
I ordered all my books online. I am way too embarrassed to buy them in an actual bookstore. Most of them are e-books that I bought through my Kindle account and read on my iPad. That way I can read them on the train without anyone seeing the cover!
Me: BW, age 71
Him: WH, age 70
Married 24 years
In R.
D-Day: August 14, 2012
9 year LTA with former co-worker and family "friend"/7 years EA+PA, 2 more years EA
WeepingBuddhist ( member #39139) posted at 9:02 PM on Friday, May 24th, 2013
"After the Affair" is the one that has helped me the most. "I Love You, but I don't Trust You" is interesting. "Radical Acceptance" was really great. I'm re-reading it now, actually, since I had started it before I knew about the A.
Most libraries don't keep any records of patron loans once they are returned.
Me: BS 46
Him: unimportant
D Day:4-27-13
DIVORCED!!! 2-20-14
ladies_first ( member #24643) posted at 9:08 PM on Friday, May 24th, 2013
"Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass (Thick but valuable!!)
"How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful" by Linda MacDonald (Thin)
"The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman (this is a relationship book, not Affair related, should be mandatory reading before a marriage license is issued, IMHO)
[This message edited by ladies_first at 3:09 PM, May 24th (Friday)]
"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway
mysticpenguin ( member #38839) posted at 9:11 PM on Friday, May 24th, 2013
From your tag it looks like your WH had a lot of "flings" -- meaning somewhat brief physical affairs. (Forgive me if I am incorrectly assuming here!!!) Mine too. I waited and waited to order Not Just Friends because long-term affairs / inappropriate boundaries weren't my WH's "problem" -- but I just got it and omg, it has been the best for us so far. I had him read just ten pages and finally got an actual detailed timeline. (Bit too detailed but I didn't want to interrupt. Currently crying into my salad, like a champ.)
I also liked:
Intimacy After Infidelity
After the Affair
Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
The Five Love Languages
nekokamisama ( new member #38695) posted at 9:46 PM on Friday, May 24th, 2013
I also recommend Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass. It was an eye-opener for me because it made so much sense.
Another couple of books which I found really interesting in learning about the A from the female side was Women's Infidelity and Women's Infidelity II by Michelle Langley.
NewMom0220 ( member #39036) posted at 10:56 PM on Friday, May 24th, 2013
I get them on Kindle, but Love Must be Tough was great for me. It's time to read it again.
Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass is excellent. I just hated the way it portrayed the AP or the A...I hate thinking that he and his AP were in a real relationship. I just can't put my mind around that one.
Helping Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair...I found that one online as a free pdf. Just google it. I gave it to my WS and he says he started reading it. I doubt reading it will change his dumb attitude.
Me: BS 37
Him: WS 37
20 month old DS
Married 5 years, together 8, DIVORCING!!! (taking forever)
DDay: 3/1/13 (4 Month PA while I was pregnant)
Sometimes all you have to do is forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.
HardenMyHeart ( member #15902) posted at 5:01 AM on Saturday, May 25th, 2013
Another strong recommendation for Not "Just Friends" by Glass.
This book is very helpful for healing and laying the groundwork for R.
Me: BH, Her: WW, Married 40 years, Reconciled
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