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Book Recommendations Please

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libertyrocks posted 5/24/2013 10:55 AM

So, I've yet to read an A book. Guess, I'm too embarassed to walk into Barnes & Noble or the library for that matter (it will stay on my record forever!). Maybe I can go to a random used book store or find one on ebay.

So, what books have been the most helpful for you all??

Grimwyrm posted 5/24/2013 12:01 PM

I found His Needs, Her Needs and The 5 Love Languages to be the very best books for my WW and I. I can't recommend them enough.

Searchingforhope posted 5/24/2013 12:05 PM

Not Just Shirley Glass..

That book saved me..seriously.

Searchingforhope posted 5/24/2013 12:08 PM

Oh and I know how you feel about being embarrassed.

I had "After the Affair" in my hand at the bookstore...I think I was sweating..

I put it back on the shelf and ordered in online.

Also very glad that my library has "self-checkout" otherwise I would be spending a small fortune on books that I'm too humiliated to check out!

ms521 posted 5/24/2013 12:24 PM

I'm going to second "Not Just Friends." Glass does a great job in discussing boundaries, and not only will YOU have a bunch of ah-ha moments as the BS (like she GETS you and what you're feeling!!), your WH will have some ah-ha moments as well if he's willing to read it openly. It's the best one we've read by far.

As for buying in a bookstore... click on the Amazon link to the left and buy it privately online while ALSO supporting SI!!! That's how I bought our last one, How to Help Your Spouse Heal. It was good too - but not as amazing at NJF.

Bellecatprincess posted 5/24/2013 12:37 PM

How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful, MacDonald, Linda

This book validated my feelings!

and the 5 languages of love.

Lostinthismess posted 5/24/2013 13:20 PM

How to help your spouse heal was the best I've read so far. I'm half way through Not Just Friends and it really isn't doing anything for me. I read after the affair also and it was meh for me. I need one that addresses the drunk ONS mentality, still searching for that.

Lostinthismess posted 5/24/2013 13:21 PM

Oh, and I ordered all mine on the kindle through amazon. No way would I go to a bookstore

PippaPeach6 posted 5/24/2013 13:22 PM

All the above are good, but "Not Just Friends" is the bible. Saved my sanity, for sure. I'm a big fan of "Kiss Me Like You Mean It" by David Clarke for reconciliation and getting out of the marriage "rut", and "Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by Dr. John Gottman for communication, especially. Really helped when we had "discussions"

You can always order from, too -

SadFlower posted 5/24/2013 14:51 PM

Another huge thumbs up for Glass' Not Just Friends. Also How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair--a quick read and very down-to-earth.

Intimacy after Infidelity is another good one. It gave me a lot of insight into the origins of my FWH's affair and into ways of relating that are toxic. (We're both major conflict avoiders--not good!)

As for marriage books, I've only read John Gottman's Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work and thought it was outstanding.

I ordered all my books online. I am way too embarrassed to buy them in an actual bookstore. Most of them are e-books that I bought through my Kindle account and read on my iPad. That way I can read them on the train without anyone seeing the cover!

WeepingBuddhist posted 5/24/2013 15:02 PM

"After the Affair" is the one that has helped me the most. "I Love You, but I don't Trust You" is interesting. "Radical Acceptance" was really great. I'm re-reading it now, actually, since I had started it before I knew about the A.

Most libraries don't keep any records of patron loans once they are returned.

ladies_first posted 5/24/2013 15:08 PM

"Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass (Thick but valuable!!)

"How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful" by Linda MacDonald (Thin)

"The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman (this is a relationship book, not Affair related, should be mandatory reading before a marriage license is issued, IMHO)

[This message edited by ladies_first at 3:09 PM, May 24th (Friday)]

mysticpenguin posted 5/24/2013 15:11 PM

From your tag it looks like your WH had a lot of "flings" -- meaning somewhat brief physical affairs. (Forgive me if I am incorrectly assuming here!!!) Mine too. I waited and waited to order Not Just Friends because long-term affairs / inappropriate boundaries weren't my WH's "problem" -- but I just got it and omg, it has been the best for us so far. I had him read just ten pages and finally got an actual detailed timeline. (Bit too detailed but I didn't want to interrupt. Currently crying into my salad, like a champ.)

I also liked:

Intimacy After Infidelity
After the Affair
Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
The Five Love Languages

nekokamisama posted 5/24/2013 15:46 PM

I also recommend Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass. It was an eye-opener for me because it made so much sense.

Another couple of books which I found really interesting in learning about the A from the female side was Women's Infidelity and Women's Infidelity II by Michelle Langley.

NewMom0220 posted 5/24/2013 16:56 PM

I get them on Kindle, but Love Must be Tough was great for me. It's time to read it again.

Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass is excellent. I just hated the way it portrayed the AP or the A...I hate thinking that he and his AP were in a real relationship. I just can't put my mind around that one.

Helping Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair...I found that one online as a free pdf. Just google it. I gave it to my WS and he says he started reading it. I doubt reading it will change his dumb attitude.

HardenMyHeart posted 5/24/2013 23:01 PM

Another strong recommendation for Not "Just Friends" by Glass.

This book is very helpful for healing and laying the groundwork for R.

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