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hexed posted 5/24/2013 11:04 AM

My DS graduates on Tuesday. My mom, step dad, my dad, my X and my Xmil were all supposed to be coming for graduation.

My mom fell yesterday and broke her nose, cheek bone, rib and basically hurt herself pretty badly. Its a 10 hour car trip and she needs more surgery on her nose next week. She and my step dad aren't coming.

My XMIL has decided its too awkward. X is still coming.

My dad owns stock in the drama llama ranch. My 19yr old sister is pregnant. He is turning this in to a bigger immediate crisis than it is. Now he is not coming b/c apparently my step mom can't handle little sisters emotions by herself I'm pissed. He didn't come to my HS graduation. Now he's got some other pressing drama ... not and won't make it to DS graduation.

I feel bad for DS b/c half the people who were coming aren't.

I'm furious with my dad over this. He's never come to visit me. Never seen a single house I've owned. Makes time to visit only if he happens to be where I am. I go see him. He barely made it to my wedding to my X. My step mom couldn't be bothered.

I want to call and tell him how I feel about all this crap. Nothing good will come of that.

My co-dependent nature wants to guilt him in to coming. I probably could.

Do I say anything? Do I use the guilt? Do I just ignore him?

UgGGH! I am so angry

Crescita posted 5/24/2013 11:29 AM

(((hexed))) Id let him know he will be missed and leave it at that. Focus on the people who will be there and make it a positive experience. Your father is the one missing out by not being there, not you or DS. I'm sure he'd rather have a few super excited people to celebrate with than a roomful of people that act like they are being put out.

wonderingbull posted 5/24/2013 11:46 AM

Ya know Hexed.... The graduation is for and about your DS... It isn't about any other family members....

I know with my graduations I didn't care who in my family was there... It wasn't about them... It was about me and my friends....

Personally, I don't remember who was or wasn't at mine except my friends... To me, graduation was simply a put on show... It was the hard work getting there that I did alone or with classmates that mattered...

Enjoy the time with the people that are there... They are the people that matter... Why?... Because they show up...


Kajem posted 5/24/2013 11:51 AM


Let your dad know he will be missed and concentrate on DS. It is their loss, your son is a great kid, worked hard for this and if they can't be bothered to acknowledge that accomplishment... he doesn't need them there taking up space for someone who wants to be there.

Do these people drain your energy at events like this?

I find it easier to concentrate on the good stuff at events like this vs.. dealing with the drama llama's when(if) they do come. They literally drain the emotional energy from me so that I dread them showing up. I just do not have enough energy to deal with them and everything else I need to deal with as mom to the graduate.

Good luck and give your DS extra hugs - if he'll let you.

More hugs, cause it hurts to be sidelined by family.


ladies_first posted 5/24/2013 12:28 PM

My DS graduates on Tuesday.

Is this high school graduation? If I remember correctly, I made an hour appearance for the party (my bro & sister were graduating from 8th grade, so it was their party, too) and then I disappeared to party it up with my friends, a little drinking, the next day at the amusement park, etc. The last place I wanted to be was with my parents (sorry!).

Let your DS enjoy himself -- adulthood, bills and a job is right around the corner.

hexed posted 5/24/2013 12:41 PM

This was more about some family activities the day before - memorial day. My DS is not very social. He's got no plans for big graduation parties are the like. HS was really rocky for him. For the firs two years we were literally hoping he'd even graduate. Now he's off to college in the fall.

It means a lot to DS that people were coming for this. My mom can't and shouldn't come. I'm OK with that b/c she's always been there. My Dad couldn't be bothered with my HS graduation which obviously still pisses me off a little. I just wish he hadn't told DS that he was coming. He never does. *sigh*

NaiveAgain posted 5/24/2013 13:21 PM

Congratulations to your DS! That is awesome that he will be going on to college in the fall!

I'm sorry your dad doesn't understand how important it is to show support for his family. I don't think any of my family went to the high school graduations. I went to my children's, and their father did show up, but other than that, that was it. But I would look at it like wb says. It is all about him, and his graduating, and those that are the closest to him celebrating in his achievement. He will have you there. It isn't the number of supporters, it is the good will of those that go. He will have enough support, love, and good will from you and I am sure your mom will be sending all the support and good will she is able, and you said the X is going. That will mean something to your DS also.

Newlease posted 5/24/2013 13:46 PM

I think you need to 180 your Dad. He is not someone you can count on. He never meets your expectations, so you need to stop having expectations.

It sucks. But you can't change it. He is truly the one that is missing out. I'm sorry if your DS will be disappointed. But these things happen. He also needs to learn who he can count on. And that is YOU!

Sending strength and peace.


phmh posted 5/24/2013 16:06 PM

Congratulations to your DS!

I'm sure you guys will have a fabulous time on your own, with a smaller group. If your DS isn't very social, he may prefer it that way, anyway. I know I personally much prefer doing things with just my immediate family (parents and siblings) than when extended family (grandparents, aunts/uncles, cousins, etc.) are involved.

I'm sure you'll make it great for him!

Sad in AZ posted 5/24/2013 18:16 PM

By this age he probably realizes that his grandfather is unreliable, so don't sweat that. I'm sorry your celebration fell off the rails, but I'm sure you'll regroup and have a great time. Enjoy it; you earned a good part of it.

Congratulations to your DS and a speedy recovery to your mom.

hexed posted 5/24/2013 22:21 PM

Thanks for the attitude adjustment.

I just got off the phone with my mom. My DS has the courtesy to have a birthday coming up in a couple of weeks so we're going to turn that in to the big celebration with family instead of graduation. DS likes that idea. My mom feels better.

If my dad shows up great. If not. Oh well. I will let my X have extra time with DS since there won't be as much stuff going on so that will be nice for DS too.

Now I need to work on my issues with my dad.

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