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Newest Member: BrnEyes777 (45750)

User Topic: I'm back (unfortunately)...
TryingMyBest
♂ 19308
Member # 19308
Default  Posted: 11:30 AM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not sure it has fully sunk in yet, but discovered today that my wife is sleeping with her boss. Still a little "numb-founded" but went through a similar EA issue 5 years ago. Not sure what the right moves are, feel I learned some tricks from 5 years ago. But not really prepared for this today. With the EA, I had lost her mind and heart. With this, I have lost her mind, heart, and body.
Not sure how i want this to turn out yet. For the moment, holding it all together fairly well. But know in a bit, it will sink in and I will be livid.

I deserved to be happy. I deserved to be flippin' worshipped and not cheated on.

I can get through this. i am built to get through this. I do not know if I want to get through this or just give up. The stress of the EA 5 years ago and the now proven false reconciliation have taken their toll. I don't know how long I was going to live, but feel like 5-10 years fell off the end. Not sure I can do that again.
Trying to put a happy face on for the four children ages 12 to 1.

Not what I had planned for Memorial Day weekend...


BH (me): 38
WW (her): 38
D-Day: 3/20/2008 (EA)
D-Day#2: 5/24/2013(PA)

Posts: 25 | Registered: Apr 2008
Tred
♂ 34086
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Damn. I'm so sorry mate.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 4091 | Registered: Dec 2011
HereWeGo62
♂ 34766
Member # 34766
Default  Posted: 12:26 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TMB, man I am so sorry you are going through this bullshit again. MY FWW also had an affair with her boss so I can understand how bad this is. You are right though, you will get through this.

Is her boss married? If so I would let the other bs know asap. Don't know the circumstances but contacting his boss or HR is also an option. In most workplaces an affair with a direct report is highly frowned upon. My wifes boss ended yp losing his six figure job.

Have you confronted her yet? Be prepared to 180 her butt hard. I know you have been through this before 5 years ago, probably just got to the point when shields were lowered and the healing was about done and now you are back to square one.

This is all new for you again so I am only going to say the usual:
-Take care of yourself and your children.
- Contact an atty asap to find out about your rights.
- Expose the OM, bring this shit to the light of day. If she loses her job, tuff crap, shoulda thought of that.
- Place any evidence in a safe place.
- Do not accept her lies, if possible you may want to get her out of the house.

This is terrible, people that can repeat this crap after seeing what pain it causes are sick and do not deserve the love and trust that we continuously show them. The anger will indeed kick in soon, show her you are a strong man and refuse to be treated as a doormat.


If there is reincarnation I hope OM comes back as a low water flush truck stop toilet!

Posts: 306 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Tx
sisu
♀ 39342
Member # 39342
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Posted in the wrong spot, sorry.

[This message edited by sisu at 12:34 PM, May 24th (Friday)]


Posts: 5 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Michigan
Sal1995
♂ 39099
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 1:08 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So sorry man.

With the EA, I had lost her mind and heart. With this, I have lost her mind, heart, and body.

That's maybe true, but I doubt there's a distinction between the two in her mind. My guess is that she is addicted to the escape/fantasy aspect of the behavior, regardless of what category the A falls into.

One of the shocking aspects of my wife's affair was the realization that she didn't really love the OM. And vice versa. They dropped each other with ease after an affair that lasted almost a year.

She was in love of the idea of a second life, where there were no bills, kids, meals to cook, and a sometimes grumpy husband who wasn't always eager to tell her how wonderful she was. There's something inside of her that doesn't let her cope with these things in normal, healthy ways.

That's where the OM has such an advantage when approaching a woman like that - he doesn't represent stinky diapers, a mortgage, noisy kids, and chores that need to be done; he represents adoration and attention. Maybe some dancing and the occasional lunch or dinner. His attack is a focused, and ultimately easy, one. And why not? She doesn't represent any of those bothersome things to him, either. He just wants to have sex with her, so what's a little attention and flattery when that's the reward?

I guess my point is that it would be easy to feel rotten about yourself (I don't sense that's the case with you), but the fact is your wife has poor coping skills and nothing you can do on your own can change that. She needs intensive IC.

Did she immediately break it off with the OM?

[This message edited by Sal1995 at 1:10 PM, May 24th (Friday)]


Me (BS)-46, WW-43
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling

Posts: 1488 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
simplydevastated
♀ 25001
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi TMB! I'm so sorry you're back. Can I ask how you found out?

I deserved to be happy. I deserved to be flippin' worshipped and not cheated on.

You are spot on about this!

I'm not sure what road will be put before you, but if divorce is the road, please don't think you gave up. You worked for 5 yrs at reconciling. You put it in your all. There's only so much someone can take before the say "enough is enough." That's giving up. That's self-preservation.

You will get through this.

I'm going to mirror this advice.


This is all new for you again so I am only going to say the usual:
-Take care of yourself and your children.
- Contact an atty asap to find out about your rights.
- Expose the OM, bring this shit to the light of day. If she loses her job, tuff crap, shoulda thought of that.
- Place any evidence in a safe place.
- Do not accept her lies, if possible you may want to get her out of the house.


Keep posting, it helps.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
Williesmom
♀ 22870
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((tmb))

I'm sorry. Focus on the things that you can control right now.

False R sucks.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7820 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
toomanyregrets
♂ 37740
Member # 37740
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No one needs to go through this once, let alone twice.

You need to contact a lawyer ASAP and find out what your options are.
Your WW has no regard for you or your kids.


BH - 64
fWW - 60

"Affairs are not mistakes, they are a series of deliberate choices." - CrappyLife


Posts: 494 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Upstate NY
still2suspicious
♀ 31722
Member # 31722
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, May 24th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry you had to come back here, TMB. But at least this time you knew exactly where to go.

Have you read the 180?

Your wife needs to do some extensive IC to find out why she thinks it's OK to do this to you again, AND took it to the next level.

We are all here for you. Just let us know how we can help.

Sending strength.


Me: BS
Him: WH
DDay: LTEA

Posts: 1330 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:
Topic Posts: 9

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