even the fact that his family communicated with her in any way is hurtful....the obviously are not "friends to the marriage". i am sure that at the time, my wh allowed that communication....he was in the fog as well.
but to learn that the brother bad mouthed me to her...is something that i dont think i can forgive. i never cared for him anyway...he has alaways been a jerk...but this seems to cross the line.
is it okay if i just never speak to him again? i dont care if they all know why.
my little boy can go over to his family's house for visits...but i just dont want to be involved.
is that okay?
You're absolutely right that he's not a friend of the marriage, but i think this is something that you and WH need to enforce together for it to really work.
Yes, completley acceptable! I would go NC with that family.
I'm sorry, that must be hard to go through. Oh, also my other SIL took the liberty of telling her friends. When my mom went to the store, the checker/SIL's friend asked my mom if I was still with H!!!
As if this the infidelity isn't hard enough to get through!! I've had my share of getting burned when I never did anything wrong to either of my SIL's. It makes me sad...
[This message edited by libertyrocks at 4:22 PM, May 24th (Friday)]
I tried to R with him for a while, and I wanted nothing to do with his family. I finally broke down and said he could take DD over there- but it made R really hard. And it was really hard on DD. she was just a baby, and that was difficult enough. As she is older, I can't imagine.
You are certainly welcome to react any way that you like. I support you. But consider what your boundaries are, what situations may come up. Are you never going to see the brother for holidays? Birthdays? Is he allowed at your house? What do you do if he talks to you? Whatever course of action you choose to take, go in with a game plan.
"What did you expect? I am a scorpion."
By adding her, they have shown how little my feelings matters, how little I matter, they have no respect for our relationship, no respect for me or for our family
Thankfully they live 3000 kms away and I managed to avoid them when they visit last summer and will continue anytime they are near
I have told WH that if we reconcile that they are not a part of my family anymore. They are enemies to our relationship, my kids are old enough to have a relationship with them, they will always be related, but as for me, forget it
Hang in there
I don't get these people. If you don't like us that's fine, but they are not only hurting us but our WS and children too. In my opinion they are worse than the WS and OW because in most cases they are motivated by dislike and hate. The get nothing out of it but happiness from someone else's heartache. In my case she has showed no emotion or remorse from what she did. She need psychological help.
You stick to your guns. Your WS also needs to set up very strict boundaries and stick to them. I would also think about what is being said about you in front of your child when they visit these people. You need to know if anything negative about you is being said. Stuff like that are not emotionally healthy for a child to hear.
[This message edited by Hearthache again at 11:43 PM, May 24th (Friday)]
This too shall pass
I edit a lot because that stupid box is so small!
You don't need anyone's permission.
After dday I cut off most of FWH's family and so did my adult children (I never encouraged them to, they just did it). That was 3 years ago and I am much happier for it.
I have never tried to stop him having any contact etc and have actually encouraged him to maintain it.
They don't know about his As. They are the types who would blame me so I didn't tell.
Do what works for you.
I just read this on SI but I am sorry I can't remember who posted it:
You don't ever have to feel guilty about removing toxic people from your life. It doesn't matter whether someone is a relative, romantic interest, employer, childhood friend, or a new acquaintance. You don't have to make room for people who cause you pain or make you feel small. It's one thing if a person owns up to their behavior and makes an effort to change. But if a person disregards your feelings, ignores your boundaries, and continues to treat you in a harmful way, they need to go. ~Danielle Koepke~
[This message edited by RidingHealingRd at 8:58 PM, May 25th (Saturday)]
The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.