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broken0322 posted 5/24/2013 13:32 PM

I'm not sure how I should act right now. I'm usually a nice mild mannered individual and since I found out 1 week ago, I've given nothing but uncomfortable attitude. I feel like its my guard but I'm noticing I'm like that with everyone. I can be driving, look in the mirror and have a frown on my face just from thoughts. I don't want to be a BITCH but I feel like I need to be for a change. I can have a thought to do something I would normally do and the betrayal come to mind and I don't do it. I get angry. So I'm forced to be a person I'm not. I don't want to give in to him like its ok because its not. I think being nice to him would make him think everything is ok

SoVerySadNow posted 5/24/2013 13:54 PM

Ooooo, I've felt like this since dd. Who is this person that I am now?
I don't like myself during my extreme anger phases, and I feel fake during the times when I'm in social situations and have to turn on the acting.

My inner Bitch has served me well lately though.

simplydevastated posted 5/24/2013 14:14 PM

So I'm forced to be a person I'm not.

You're absolutely right on this point. You were forced into being someone you're not because of the affair. It churn up all sorts of emotions that you would typically have under control.

There was one time my son forgot his pumpkin for a class project in the 1st grade (he's in 4th now) and I had to go to school to drop it off. The secretary asked me how I'm doing. Simple enough question, right? Well, I burst into tears and all I could say was "my son forgot his pumpkin." and I just about ran across the parking lot to get back to me car. I felt so

I think being nice to him would make him think everything is ok

I've had this thought as well. I'm 5 yrs out and I still have this thought. What he did is not ok and I feel he needs to see you like this so he can see the depth of the pain you feel. It can't be brushed off as "no big deal."

How does he react when he sees you like this?

It very well could be that you put your guard up. You don't want to be hurt any more. In time your emotions will settle back down and you'll be the person you were before, but now you'll be stronger version of yourself.

broken0322 posted 5/24/2013 14:23 PM

Thank you, this really does help. Thank you for opening up, I apologize we all have to deal with this but hey when knocked down get back up and fight. Have an awesome evening

HereWeGo62 posted 5/24/2013 14:26 PM

You are still in shock at this point. The person you love and trust has hurt you horribly and your mind and body are trying to comprehend and reconcile that fact. I am not the same person I was pre A and will probably never be again.

Please seek IC if you have not already. In a few months the anger phase will arrive and if you are not prepared it can get pretty bad.

I found some solice in reminding myself that some of the people I let my anger flare up on had nothing to do with the betrayal and they did not deserve my rage.

Your nice inner self is still there and will eventually return. Just because you are nice though it doesn't mean you have to allow people to take advantage of you. Set clear boundries in your head and let your WBF know when they are crossed.

Cry when you need to. It is not a sign of weakness, it relieves the pressure on your soul. Take care of yourself and your kids. Post here whenever you feel the need.

Pass posted 5/24/2013 22:29 PM

broken, I posted something similar in the New Beginnings forum the other day. I made a joke to my brother about getting a tattoo that says, "My wife is a whore", and for a few seconds he almost believed me.

I took this as a sign that I've been too bitter for too long. Lots of people were quick to jump to my defence, saying that right now I deserve to be a little bitter.

hurtinky said the following, which made me feel much better:

The people who are truly bitter don't worry about being bitter. They are oblivious to it.

So be bitter, be a bitch. Whatever gets you through. Someday, you'll feel like being your lovely self again.

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