I need a reality check - to see if I'm being a jerk. My Brother (B) is getting a D. Red flags are flying everywhere, I know he's a BS, even if he says he doesn't want to know. My stbxSIL is very financially irresponsible and in a lot of ways it has contributed to the end of the M. She feels a huge sense of entitlement and gets really mad at B when he points out that they are broke. They both have high paying jobs and PhDs, between the 2 of them they clear over 150K a year. They are doing the whole inhouse separation thing and she is going out to dinner every night, traveling, shopping, etc and this past month he has had to ask me for money.
Now, my H works for a non-profit and I am a SAHM, but my H has $$$ socked away from an inheritance and he has been kind enough to agree to "lend" B $$. We are currently picking up all their IC and MC bills - so 3 appointments a week total that their insurance doesn't cover - and we are paying their mortgage because B said he will end up in forclosure if we can't help because he can't control her spending. There is a cap on how much we are willing to "lend", which B is aware of, but once we reach that number he is on his own.
So - our agreement with B is currently verbal. Their house is on the market and he said he'd pay us back when it sells. SIL has said she isn't "comfortable" agreeing to pay us back so B says it will all come out of his share of the equity. I told him I really strenuously objected to him allowing himself to be screwed like this, but we have always been close and he begged, so I gave in.
Now, it looks like B will be loosing his job next week due to a "workforce reduction". He already has another job lined up, but it is in a different state. He told me yesterday that if he does loose his job, he is going to move to new state and let his stbx stay in the house until it sells.
The problem? I am currently paying the mortage on that house and SIL has said she won't be responsible to pay me back. I don't know if I can force myself to pay for the roof over her head when he won't even be living there. B is afraid of getting his credit trashed and that have a DS2 who will loose his home. She has said she will just let the bank take it if I don't continue to pay.
This is all second hand from my B - I have paid thousands of dollars worth of their bills and she hasn't called, written, txt, nothing. Oh, and she opened her own account and is squirrling away $$$.
So - am I being an ass if I tell him I won't lend him any more $$ if she won't agree to pay back her half? I don't want to see my nephew hurt, seeing what my brother is going through is killing me, but damn I really hate that biotch right now. He refuses to get a lawyer because she said if he does will make up false domestic abuse charges against him and he's terrified she means it. I told him if he gets an L first it takes away her power but he is too scared to do anything, and he thinks if he keeps towing the line she will decide to take him back.
I don't feel right contributing to this mess. But I am also not sure it is is right of me to take away my financial support because I don't approve of his decisions (mostly no L).