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Raise Your Hand If It's All Your Fault

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NewMom0220 posted 5/24/2013 16:29 PM

I've posted on here before about the things that my unremorseful WS has said to me in the last 3 months. Somehow he finds new and creative ways to tell me what a terrible marriage we had, what a bad wife I was, and how unhappy he was during the marriage. You know, all the stuff that pushed him into the arms of an OW.

I just wanted to do a quick roll call and see how many of us are on here right now who have been told by their WS that in some way shape or form that you or your marriage made them do what they did or you are having this shit thrown at you to deflect from the real issues.

So, raise your hand if it's all your fault!

I believe that there is strength in numbers. How many of us are on here that are hearing this or have heard this crap while on the crazy train?

I'm not saying that all BS are perfect and that your marriages were perfect, but just out of curiosity...

[This message edited by NewMom0220 at 4:32 PM, May 24th (Friday)]

crazyblindsided posted 5/24/2013 16:35 PM

Yep I neglected him. My WH was gone 7 days out of 7 days of the week. I was lucky if we had a good night or morning to spend with each other. Go figure

Abbondad posted 5/24/2013 16:40 PM

All of it is my fault. Simply all of it. I was a terrible husband, she was unhappy for most of our marriage, I did not meet her needs, did not let her grow, did not love her as I,should have.

Except: I have a stack of cards and love letters spanning the course of our marriage--all the way up to AND traversing most of me course of her infidelity--expressing just the opposite:

I am so,glad I married you.
Nobody has known how to,love me like,you do.
You meet all of my needs
You love me just the way I am and let me be who I want to be
You make me so happy

And on and on.

Exhibit A, your honor.

Sarcastic, but also so sad. I don't know where my wife went.

Itstoohard posted 5/24/2013 16:44 PM

Yep. Everything about the A was my fault. I was a horrible bitch...I guess for the whole M.

NewMom0220 posted 5/24/2013 16:44 PM

crazyblindsided, isn't it funny when you think about it? How do you neglect someone who isn't there? That is like my WS saying just this week that we had a terrible marriage and he could count on one hand the times I made my delicious lasagna for him. The guy was always out at happy would he even know what I made for dinner if he wasn't home? OHHHHHH now I get it! It was the lack of lasagna that drove you into the arms of that trashhole!!!

Abbondad, I had to pull out a box of cards that HE had collected for the last 8 years and 2 weeks after Dday I brought a selection to him to "prove" that I DID love him and we were happy once and it wasn't 5 years of misery like he keeps saying.

I keep saying, if it was so bad, why are you still talking to me? Why haven't you filed yet?

[This message edited by NewMom0220 at 4:45 PM, May 24th (Friday)]

phmh posted 5/24/2013 16:46 PM

Yes. That is what he told me on D-Day!

It's all my fault because:

1. I like to read

2. I saved money for retirement

That is what was wrong with our marriage and why he had to cheat. Makes me laugh now Not quite so funny when I believed it back then!

libertyrocks posted 5/24/2013 16:48 PM

Oh, ME for sure!! haha. Apparently, I didn't love him.

I had our child he so desperately wanted and he split, so to speak, emotionally and physically. He started sleeping with some college girl who left her number at the bar when our first baby was 4 months old. .

Chrysalis123 posted 5/24/2013 16:50 PM

Wildly raising my hand!!!

And it is still my fault 5 years post divorce, and new things are my fault that I have had no part in......

Yet, I did not act out, I did not have an addiction or two, I stayed home with the children while he was doing what he wanted, I nursed him after he lost a limb due to DUI, and I never once cheated.....yet

I am a horrible, wicked, evil, and kid destroying kindergarten teacher....go figure.

[This message edited by Chrysalis123 at 4:51 PM, May 24th (Friday)]

cuppacoffee posted 5/24/2013 16:55 PM

Oh yes he tried to tell me I just wasn't there for him. I flat out told him no you stopped sharing with me and started sharing with the skeeze. I was here raising the kids and taking care of your home. It makes total sense tiger advice about being a parent for the 6th time from an unmarried woman who just graduated college and was living at home.


cuppacoffee posted 5/24/2013 16:55 PM

Oh yes he tried to tell me I just wasn't there for him. I flat out told him no you stopped sharing with me and started sharing with the skeeze. I was here raising the kids and taking care of your home. It makes total sense tiger advice about being a parent for the 6th time from an unmarried woman who just graduated college and was living at home.


windowsnotwalls posted 5/24/2013 16:57 PM

Present ^

NewMom0220 posted 5/24/2013 16:59 PM

Hey WindowsNotWalls- you are my own personal hero this week! I just posted something this morning about doing the 180 and sticking to it. The advice you gave on another thread really inspired me to get it together and say enough is enough!!! Just wanted to give you a shout out and say thanks. Keep sharing your progress.

Nature_Girl posted 5/24/2013 18:16 PM

Me! It's all my fault!

happierdays posted 5/24/2013 18:22 PM

Me! WH doesn't place 100% of the blame on me, I gather it's somewhere in the 80% range. Too little sex, too little ambition, etc...

kansas1968 posted 5/24/2013 18:24 PM

Two and a half years ago I would have raised my hand, but it was me, not him, that thought it was all my fault. It took quite a bit of time and a good counselor to make me realize the my behavior may have contributed to his unhappiness, but the affair wasn't and would never be any fault of mine. That is the path he chose to make himself feel better. He could have chosen other paths, asking for a divorce, telling me how unhappy he was, etc., but he took the selfish, easy path. The path that did not disrupt our financial or social lives. Affairs are cowardly escapes from unpleasaant situations. It is NEVER your fault.

If your WS does not get over thinking that, then he will never get to reconcilliation.

So sorry he is trying to make this on you.

BeyondBreaking posted 5/24/2013 18:29 PM

Oh yeah, I was a jerk before my fiance cheated. Of course, he's "not saying it was my fault. That's all on him," but he's just saying, I was not the easiest person to date and I was very high maintinance.

movingforward13 posted 5/24/2013 18:49 PM

Yep, it is all my fault and he is a victim of this perfect storm... Meanwhile, he has yet to stop sleeping with the OW. .. But whatever, his wages are now garnished as off this Wednesday.... I am finished. She can have him, just pay my child support.

HeartStings posted 5/24/2013 19:25 PM

Ooh, ooh, ooh...I want to play!

It's all my fault because apparently, at some point during the marriage, I told him to get a girlfriend!

He was just following orders.

Sal1995 posted 5/24/2013 19:38 PM

I've learned that there's a price to pay for marrying a broken person. There's a term called "damaged goods" that I hate, but now understand.

There's nothing I could have done to stop my wife from having an affair when she turned 40 and had the MLC that damaged people seem to be vulnerable to having. Why should she be the first person in her family not to have an affair or act like a lunatic?

She's hinted that the affair has been partly my fault, but has stopped short of making that accusation. She finally admitted the other night that the accusation that we never went out and had fun just wasn't true. So the rewriting marital history seems to have stopped.

imagoodwitch posted 5/24/2013 21:38 PM


Apparently it was all my fault because I didn't wear sexy underware and dye my hair.

He worked 12 to 14 hour days and would come home and go into his cave and drink then he would golf all weekend.

I don't think he would have noticed if I did wear sexy underware and dye my hair.

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