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How to stop this???

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Must Survive posted 5/24/2013 18:18 PM

So as I sit here watching tv. Loud knocks and persistent door bell rings. I can tell just by the sound that it is STBXH. I don't answer. He continues to knock/ring doorbell. My son comes down and answers the door. DS has not seen his dad in a few weeks (DS choice), and apparently his dad doesn't like to be ignored. Obviously if DS wanted to talk or see his father he would call or answer his phone (DS has his own phone, I pay for it). I don't like that STBXH feels it is ok to come to the door and do this. He tell DS he has to start answering his phone. That he needs to be able to get in touch with him. I feel as though he should not have any right to come to door, if son doesn't want to talk to him, that is his choice.

How should I get this to stop. I start getting crazy scared because of when D-day happened and he kept trying to break door down.

Sad in AZ posted 5/24/2013 18:28 PM

Why did your DS answer the door??

Look; he's a teen. He's going to have to learn to deal with difficult people, so don't try to intervene with him and his father. It sounds like he has him figured out already. As for fearing that he'll break down your door, just call the police. If it's your residence, and he's unwelcome, let them deal with him.

Nature_Girl posted 5/24/2013 18:38 PM

I'd call the police if he does this again. Also, I'd craft some kind of legal notice that he's not to behave this way again. Threaten him with a restraining order. Hell, just go get one anyway. This isn't the first time he's done this. Restrain his ass.

phmh posted 5/24/2013 18:41 PM

Your son just taught your STBXWH that if he comes over and makes a big fuss, he'll get what he wants. Expect it to get worse before it gets better, as he'll think "it worked last time, it will work again. I just have to keep at it!"

Sad's advice is spot on, as usual.

Must Survive posted 5/24/2013 18:55 PM

Thanks you guys are great. I didn't think about it in terms of it worked, he will continue to do it. DS I think answered cause he was concerned what his dad could continue to do, and he has (anytime his dad shows up for no reason) that he will handle it.

I just hate it though. Tonight we are going to the movies and sushi. We will have great fun, but I just hate that STBXH is even in this day and my thoughts.

Must Survive posted 5/24/2013 18:56 PM

Oh, and I have exclusive use of the home, and he should be nowhere near it.

phmh posted 5/24/2013 19:03 PM

I do a lot of volunteer work helping people keep "unmanageable" parrots in their homes through behavior modification. It's amazing how much of the stuff I learned in dealing with wild animals also works on WSs!

If this interests you at all, "Don't Shoot the Dog" is a great, easy to read book about behavior modification. Mostly centered on animals, but it works on people, too!

You may be interested in "extinction burst" which is when things get worse before they get better.

http://bcotb.com/reducing-behavior-through-non-aversive-techniques-extinction-and-the-extinction-burst/

Sad in AZ posted 5/24/2013 19:39 PM

Aw,phmh; your comparing the stbx to parrots besmirches the parrots.

phmh posted 5/24/2013 19:50 PM

Sad, I have known some parrots (usually severe or scarlet macaws) that are as frustrating as some WSs And, I have a certain little caique right now who might be fitting that category...

But it is really interesting how behavior modification techniques work across species -- including ourselves :) The only way I have ever been able to permanently change my behavior is using techniques I perfected with the birds!

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