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Just a *whine* and vent

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gma56 posted 5/24/2013 19:47 PM

For 25+ yrs I took care of FT through many surgeries and illnesses. I did it because I loved him and thought he loved me. I always figured if I ever needed the help, he would be there for me. That is before dday, I realized then that he wasn't capable of nuturing, empathy, caring or loving me. I was in deep denial and in my own marriage fog for many years.

Five years later, I'm having severe back/knee problems(chronic) and dealing with it alone.
That isn't what I signed up for.. damn him anyway !

I don't want the SOB back, hell NO !But this sucks..

I know there is many of us that have to deal with illnesses alone now, any advice or suggestions ?

I don't want to lean on my kids too much.
DD and family are busy with building a home, kids, and moving.

DSS has a newborn and sick stepson.

I know I will have them next to me if/when I have back surgery but that won't be awhile, I hope.
Just a whine of more that was taken because of the selfish prick that threw me and our marriage away.

better4me posted 5/24/2013 20:40 PM

He sucks. You don't. I'm sorry, I know you will handle this new issue with grace and fortitude. Sometimes, when we are the seen as the "strong ones", others don't know that we need assistance and support. They can't help unless you let them know. Don't be afraid to let them know.(((gma56)))

hexed posted 5/24/2013 22:40 PM


Lean a little bit on a lot of people. Don't reject help when it offered. People really do want to help and will do it happily if you know what you need.

Unpacking - let someone move the heavier box. Need big items at the hardware store? Let someone help. I'm really bad at this.

You're such an amazing person. I bet you've got friends around you to help and support you. Let them.

FaithFool posted 5/24/2013 22:44 PM


Take2 posted 5/24/2013 22:48 PM

gma, I know this sucks - they have there own lives to lead and it wasn't supposed to be this way... I remember when I realized that when/if I became ill my H wouldn't be there for me. (Oddly enough it was before Dday, something that built up until I just realized in my bones). The reality, I'm sure is a lot harder.

All I can think to say is this: If your mom was in this position, or your stepmom - wouldn't you want her to let you know, to let you help her out?

Think about it. Big hugs meantime ((gma))

wannabenormal posted 5/24/2013 22:53 PM

You know what? Whine away!

I dealt with a similar situation, though not all health related.

I supported XH through some stuff. Then he affaired on me and gosh darn it, I'm pissed he wasn't there for me like I was for him.

It DOES suck and what are you supposed to do? Who do you have?

Even with good friends and fam, it's not the same and dammit, we DID get gypped and it just isn't fair.

So I have no real advice other than to support your anger with the situation.

jo2love posted 5/24/2013 22:59 PM


gma56 posted 5/25/2013 00:15 AM

Thanks everyone ! I just needed a bitch and whine today and so I posted here.

It's been a tough few weeks with work and dealing with back issues took it's toll. Then I was thinking how hard I have to work in the next few years so I can have any kind of financial security when I retired, made me more pissed at FT for taking what we worked so many years to achieve together.
I could have used a little spoiling so it pissed me off more that I lost any support I might have because of FT's NPD and infidelity.
I have a few days off so I will soak in the jacuzzi, stretch the muscles (I haven't been doing this and this is probably why it's worse right now)catch up on book keeping, and go watch the local airshow. Nothing too stressful.
Might even have a glass of beer or wine watching the airplanes.
Monday is a friend's 48th bday (so young,lol)we will have to celebrate.

Just knowing I have no work for a few days is making me feel better.

wannabenormal posted 5/25/2013 00:21 AM

Gma, you've like never bitched, so it's cool!

We hate FT and hope (and his shriveled balls) rot.

I hate that you aren't having the ending you worked for, seem like you're doing well despite that.

Yay! FT's blow.

gma56 posted 5/25/2013 01:38 AM

and his shriveled balls)

You remember the picture Twat sent to everyone after one of his surgeries ?
That was classic...
Shriveled with a catheter. The good old days !Can't make that shit up !
Nothing to miss there..

[This message edited by gma56 at 1:40 AM, May 25th (Saturday)]

FaithFool posted 5/25/2013 09:58 AM

It's like a parallel universe or something.

Thankfully where we are now is so much more, um, sane...

Keep up with the stretches and self-care. I've been slacking myself, so I know how it goes.

We have to stay on top of it now, nobody else will!

[This message edited by FaithFool at 9:59 AM, May 25th (Saturday)]

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