SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Angel177 posted 5/24/2013 20:26 PM

Wh has never had a sex drive as high as mine. It didn't bother me that much until after dday. After the HB was over I would try and start stuff and if he wasn't in the mood it would feel like it was because he wasn't attracted to me or didn't enjoy being with me sexually (both of which he says have nothing to do with it) so I stopped trying and now we only do it when he wants too (because I always want too lol) the last two nights though I have tried again pretty much expecting to get shut down and yup I got shut down. Last night I even offered to do everything so all he had to do was enjoy it I told him I would give him oral and sex and want nothing in return...what guy says no to that??? My wh...anyways it gets me thinking what did she do that I don't? What was it about her? He tells me he is tired from work but he was never too tired after work to meet her for a quickie before coming home but with me he can't even just lay there well I do everything?? It's such a blow to my self esteem to beg my husband to let me give him a blow job and for him to shoot me down. I don't think he ever said no to her. So is if because it was new with her? He swears she wasn't better but it's hard to believe sometimes...guess I better just go back to not trying and take it whenever he feels like offering it...

Anyone else deal with different sex drives?? Any good compromises?? I would be happy with once a week...wh seems to only want it once or twice a month though. He won't go talk to a doctor about it either.

Hopefulguy posted 5/24/2013 20:39 PM

I have the inverse from you, been in similar situations before the A of continuous rejection to the point of almost not trying anymore. Then she had an A and liked sex suddenly. Ego..ouch. She hasn't said no to me since it happened but well see how it goes.

Hugs to you in this difficult times.

Uneek posted 5/24/2013 20:49 PM

I have no advice, just wanted to commiserate. H's wasn't a PA, but even so he had enough of a sex drive to tell her he wanted to have sex with her, but with me now? Nada. We're about once a month as well and I hate it.

Our MC thinks it's likely more of a coping mechanism than anything. I have brought it up in IC (we see the same person for both) and she's asked me to be patient - has promised we will deal with it but that he just isn't ready yet.

But yeah, it's really hard not to take it personally. I feel ya on that one.

mysticpenguin posted 5/26/2013 11:54 AM

(((Angel177))) I am right here with ya! We used to have a great sex life... it decreased steadily until towards the end of summer 2012 it just stopped completely. I looked THE BEST I ever have at that time... was participating in a bikini competition, so I was ripped, looked great. He wanted NOTHING to do with me, reject reject reject reject reject... finally I stopped trying and said "I'll let him come to me." Never happened. Turns out he was cheating on me all summer.

Now we're three months past D-Day and he's initiated with me exactly two times. (Realistically if my memory serves me it's been exactly 2 times in the past 6 months +.) It hurts so bad to know he was excited for them, pursued them at least a little, and I'm over here feeling like the least desirable woman on earth. (Okay, that's a little melodramatic! But really, my self-esteem is beyond shattered at this point.)

It's so hard not to take it personally and despite my best efforts I do take it personally sometimes. All I want in the world is to be loved and wanted by my husband.

I don't think I'm helping here. Sorry!! I guess we can commiserate at least?

MoreWould posted 5/28/2013 18:14 PM

Check out the NY Times Sunday Magazine (26 May) from last weekend about the search for a female arousal drug. I could care less about the drug, the research on sexual desire on long term relationships is enlightening, if more than a little disturbing. Among other difficulties, people don't seem to be wired right.

Cold comfort indeed.