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LA44 posted 5/24/2013 20:50 PM

My H is really working hard on himself. He seems more and more aware of how....well, unaware he was during the A!

I asked him a few days ago, "were you not aware that after all the raving you did about your dad's wife, that you were having sex with someone who could have been that person for OUR kids?" He said, "well at the time I thought I was different bc I never wanted to break up our family. My dad wanted out. I did not." But he realizes how completely and utterly ridiculous that is now.

I also mentioned what she said to him, "I could never be mad at you." He said..."well....it's idiotic and childish." YES! I said. I said that to a guy when I was, 15! I am just relieved he recognizes this and does not think it's a statement a secure woman makes.

I see him get sad when he makes these realizations - as if he cannot believe he did this. I reassure him that this is all good. The webs are clearing. He's becoming more of who he is meant to be.

I think I will too.

[This message edited by LA44 at 9:33 PM, May 24th (Friday)]

sailorgirl posted 5/25/2013 07:16 AM

That's great, LA!

WH was unbelievably Stupid in the A. He is figuring out exactly what contributed to his disordered thinking and failure to see clearly . . . He needs to know every factor in order to prevent it from happening again. It's too risky to be with a person who can become a completely irrational idiot!

NoraLee posted 5/25/2013 10:50 AM

We went through that too ... Husband would say something and after turning it over and putting it in context - my husband would get a look - the epiphany look...sometimes there would even be a jaw-drop...

It's key to busting through the fog of this mystical connection - that its only within a vacuum - and with the absence of critical thought and objective reality - can they believe the fairy tale they've spun...

LA44 posted 5/25/2013 18:57 PM

Yes! The epiphany look NoraLee! I love when I see that look!

Thank you both for your input