Their support was unequivocal, immediate, all-encompassing, and very much needed.
Tell your parents she cheated on you. You don't want to live a lie, and it's not your burden to carry alone. You can tell your parents that you don't want DD to know (though read on here -- you don't want to lie to DD and risk your relationship with her when she realizes that you were untruthful) but you need their support.
Also, don't believe that STBXWW isn't going to vilify you. It's a page out of the wayward handbook. They say all sorts of things in the beginning, but in the end, they all follow a script. Make sure you take care of yourself and don't put STBXWW's needs above yours and your daughter's.
Married: 11 years, no kids
Character is destiny
I would be honest without badmouthing. I asked that they not say anything bad about her to me either because I wasn't ready to hear it at that point.
I don't have a great relationship with my parents and so we weren't super close anyway, but it was still hard. So I just bit the bullet. I called them one day and said - this is what happened, this is the plan. I wanted you to know and whatever-whatever.
They apparently never loved XH so they were not crushed; they were half sad for me and kids, but we're not super close anyway, so it was really more a formality as in "in a few months, our Christmas cards will be diff - here's why".
Much as your parents may love STBXWW, they probably won't now, so don't fret about that. They might be surprised at first, but blood is thicker than water, so you'll be fine. You don't need hyper-details just the gist.
ETA: even though I'm not close to my parents, it was very hard to admit such an epic fail. I realize now, it wasn't MY fail, I couldn't have saved it, but it was still hard and I only told family at the very end of the 'can we salvage this?' stage when I realized it was not going to be fixed.
[This message edited by wannabenormal at 9:19 PM, May 24th (Friday)]
"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid
When i finally did tell them (because STBX wouldn't attend Christmas at their house), they were so very supportive. My only regret is not discussing the marital problems with them when STBX first started fooling around. Blood is thicker than water. I'm closer to them now then I've been since i got married 20 years ago.
it was a relief. i hope you find the same.
Outing A's is cathartic. Keeping secrets, creates lies that will burdeon you greatly.
I also talked to my MIL; she called me and asked, I didn't call her. She is 100% behind me too; she said if we do divorce to take him for everything I can get! How often do you hear a mother say something like that about her son? No one in his family which includes his mother and 6 siblings, understands what he is up to with this EA.
Good luck to you! I really think you just need to tell them, straight out, and tell them everything you are comfortable telling them. Who cares if they get upset with the WS; why should you be any different then anyone else? Maybe that will bring WS out of the fog; but then again maybe not. Do what YOU need to do; not what is best for WS!
I'm rooting for you!