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Spinning180 posted 5/24/2013 21:12 PM

I found out today that WH has been in contact with the OW this week. He claims it was to find out if she had delivered and it spiraled from there. I am devastated. We had a NC and we were in MC and I thought he was being honest with me. I found out he created a new email account without my knowing. He came clean but only because she was going to tell me.

I am 6 months pregnant with my 3rd child and have been having some problems with this pregnancy. I am sooo scared. I know the stress isn't good for the baby. I kicked him out. My parents are watching my kids so I can have some time to pull myself together.

Our 6 year anniversary is in 2 weeks...we were planning a nice dinner and a hotel stay. Needless to say, that isn't happening now. We were also supposed to go on a mini-vacation next weekend for a family wedding. I can't get that money back which sucks. I know it is a stupid thing to worry about but I can't help it. I had such high hopes of having real family time. I can't stop crying...I can't eat...I am a mess AGAIN...I thought we could reconcile. Obviously I can't trust him...I don't know what to do or where to go.

Oh the OW sent copies of the their email correspondence to my mother and my mother in law...what a bitch.

hobbeskat posted 5/24/2013 21:28 PM

(((Spinning180))) I'm so sorry. I have no wisdom except be kind to yourself. I;m sorry. xxx

Hearthache again posted 5/25/2013 01:21 AM

So sorry you are going through this. You did the right thing. You followed through with your threats of breaking NC. R can not happen unless NC is maintained.

Please take care of yourself and that baby you are carrying. Try not to put any extra stress on yourself right now. OW did cross the line by sending their emails to your mother and MIL. OW are almost always crazy and you seem to have an extra crazy one. I too had one. She tried to befriend me to get my H attention. She also attached herself to my H family because they unstable mentally too and do not like me.

No matter what happens in your M you will heal with time. I know that is hard to believe but you will. Keep posting when life is hard it helps. You have a safe place here.

[This message edited by Hearthache again at 1:22 AM, May 25th (Saturday)]

noprincess posted 5/25/2013 06:20 AM


I'm so sorry you're going through this again and at time when your thoughts and energies should be focused on your baby.

Keep your physical health your main priority. Get as much rest and relief from this crazy mess as you can. Eat right and drink your doctor if you need to.

As far as your WH goes, he admits (and OW seems to confirm) that it was him who broke the NC by contacting her, supposedly to find out if she delivered her baby. Also, with your first DD, OW said she was pregnant (from another man), told your H and he had a breakdown where he confessed the A and threatened suicide? Is that right? I think there is a very real possibility that the child is your Hs - I think you have to prepare yourself for that possibility. I think either way the paternity issue is weighing on you H.

You need to contact a lawyer right away. You need to explain everything (particularly the questionable paternity), and find out what your rights are as a spouse with a child. You need this information to protect yourself and your baby and other children.

Also, your H set up a new email account to be in touch with OW! They are communicating on a regular basis and she used these emails to pressure him or embarrass him to his family. It seems the A between these two may have never really ended, that they just took it underground.

I think for your sanity, you need to kick him out and begin the 180 process. Read up on it and remember the 180 is about YOU not HIM.

Honey, this is awful...stay strong and continue to get as much help and support from your mom as you can. Post back here and let others help you through this.

Spinning180 posted 5/25/2013 08:03 AM

No we knew she was pregnant with twins a month and a half before the affair was brought to light. I was friends with her and I was actually the first person she told. She swears they are her husbands and that they aren't doing a paternity test. She is a known liar so god only knows what she will do.

I really don't think they had contact before this week. Otherwise she would have sent those messages to everyone to say, "see it never stopped".

I feel stuck right now. I know that if I leave this house, legally I look like I abandoned my family. I have certain restrictions with this pregnancy. One is that I am not to lift anything over 20lbs. Which means my two kids. I can't properly take care of them and have a safe pregnancy if I am alone.

I discovered that the messages she forwarded had been doctored. She added and deleted things to make things look even worse. I could tell by the spacing and wording that was used. It wasn't consistent and was choppy in some areas.

WH is begging forgiveness and to continue in MC. I told him that I can't make that decision right now. The only thing I can tell him is that I can't handle the stress of a divorce while I am pregnant.

noprincess posted 5/25/2013 09:23 AM

You're right, this is not the time to make any major decisions regarding D or even R. You and the little bunn need to be the number one priority. Be very specific with your H - tell him exactly what you need from him(esentially your only letting him stay because you need physcial assistance with your two little ones). Make him pull his weight and more. He also needs to write and let you send a NC letter - like yesterday.

Thanks to the crazy OW, your mom and his know what's going on to some extent. Try to get as much support from them as possible. Maybe your mom could help with the children on the weekends and H could stay at MIL and give you time and peace to de-stress.

He is a liar, and there is a special place in hell for Hs who do this kind of shit to their pregnant wives. Remember, you, the children and the little bunn are the priority right now. I can hear how frustrated you are about being stuck and that really sucks!

I would still consider legal counsel, there may be a paternity issue and at a minimum, you have a crazy bunny boiler for an OW that you may need to shove out of your life.

You can do this! Stay strong! Many (((hugs)))

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