Early post DDay we would close our bedroom door at night once we knew our DDs were asleep and had our conversations/arguments about the A. This happened on a daily basis up until about 3 months post DDay.
We found out around XMas that our fighting often woke them up in the middle of the night. Our DDs are 8 & 10.
A few times, arguments about the A have started up in front of our DDs but we guarded to not mention any specifics and quelled them as soon as possible.
At this point our 2 young DDs have heard us have some of the same arguments about his A, specifically one that comes up almost every time we use his passport. At least twice now they have overheard me talk about his passport being a trigger. Every time I see his passport I think of his A and the fact that I don't recognize him in the picture. He doesn't look like himself, he looks angry and tense... I know passport pictures are almost always far from flattering but I hate that picture.
Specifically on Thursday, when it was time to pull out our passports I started up again. In retrospect, I understand him wanting to downplay the significance I attach to his passport in front of our DDs (he got it during his A, didn't tell me he was getting a passport, and was going to use it to travel the world with her, etc...)
But this time he made the mistake of flat out denying that the passport had anything to do with the A, and I kinda lost it. In front of our DDs. This is where I know they have heard me say similar, if not the same things about his passport and her.
I am considering finding a neutral way of telling our DDs about my fWH's A since they have heard so much. I hate to thinkthat they may be confused or afraid about what they've overheard.
What do you think of saying something like: "Daddy was confused last summer. He thought he had met someone he liked better than Mommy. After getting to know the other lady better he realized he didn't like her more and didn't want to stop being with Mommy. Mommy is still jealous and hurt and we are learning to deal with those feelings. There's a lot of them so it's taking a while. We are working very hard to stay together and be happy together."
Would you/did you tell your DDs at that age? If so, what would you add or remove, if anything?