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Newest Member: tjredline (46031)

User Topic: Getting a fresh perspective
tryingagain74
♀ 33698
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, May 25th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, I just finished talking to a college friend. We both went to school at a very small college, and STBX went there as well.

When we were talking, I told him that I was divorced, and I said, "You know, we went to school with him."

My friend had NO idea who he was. He said, "I thought you married the doctor! The guy who was pre-med when we were there!"

I said, no, he was my previous BF, and we broke up. I tried describing STBX, but he didn't ring a bell with my friend.

I think that says a lot about who STBX is vs. who I am. While I wouldn't say that I'm a wildly popular person, I was involved in lots of things on campus and got to know many people. STBX could never believe how many people I knew (which would be a normal amount to any of you-- STBX literally had like ten friends at school).

That was helpful to me. I keep making STBX out to be better and happier in my mind after the recent engagement news, when in reality, he's not even on most people's radar. I need to get him off of my radar other than kids and finances as well. I need to remember how small he is and how little he truly has in his life.


FBS; now happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3659 | Registered: Oct 2011
TrustGone
♀ 36654
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, May 25th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes. You do tend to get a new perspective once you get away from their constant drama. I remember the feeling after finally filing for D from XWH#1. I knew I would be OK, but I knew he would always be messed up.


BW-52
WH#2-53
M-10 yrs T-12 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
DD#4-11/28/14 He ran off to be with OW after assaulting me
Divorcing

Posts: 2479 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
dmari
♀ 37215
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, May 25th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I need to get him off of my radar other than kids and finances as well. I need to remember how small he is and how little he truly has in his life.

LOVE.THIS.PART.

Isn't it amazing when we can "see" so much more clearly?


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2334 | Registered: Oct 2012
tesla
♀ 34697
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 9:14 PM, May 25th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

trying, this is really interesting to me! Throughout my M, I became more and more isolated. In high school and college, I always had a core group of friends. But by the time the D was final, I had no friends. Ex-shat had one friend he hung out with. He never had friends and I let him drag me down into a very unhappy isolation.

This morning I ran a race and bumped into 4 people I knew and had a nice time talking to them. That would not have been possible if I was still married to ex-shat.

I tend to think ex-shat is out living the life...but you know what? I don't think he's on many people's radar either.

Thanks for the new perspective.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4820 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
persevere
♀ 31468
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 10:13 PM, May 25th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I remember my mother commenting about how many people were on my side of the church for our wedding versus his side - which was minimal. I didn't connect until post DDay how relevant that was. (Especially considering what a "social" person he seems to be)

[This message edited by persevere at 10:14 PM, May 25th (Saturday)]


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4714 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 5

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