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Getting a fresh perspective

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tryingagain74 posted 5/25/2013 09:38 AM

So, I just finished talking to a college friend. We both went to school at a very small college, and STBX went there as well.

When we were talking, I told him that I was divorced, and I said, "You know, we went to school with him."

My friend had NO idea who he was. He said, "I thought you married the doctor! The guy who was pre-med when we were there!"

I said, no, he was my previous BF, and we broke up. I tried describing STBX, but he didn't ring a bell with my friend.

I think that says a lot about who STBX is vs. who I am. While I wouldn't say that I'm a wildly popular person, I was involved in lots of things on campus and got to know many people. STBX could never believe how many people I knew (which would be a normal amount to any of you-- STBX literally had like ten friends at school).

That was helpful to me. I keep making STBX out to be better and happier in my mind after the recent engagement news, when in reality, he's not even on most people's radar. I need to get him off of my radar other than kids and finances as well. I need to remember how small he is and how little he truly has in his life.

TrustGone posted 5/25/2013 10:37 AM

Yes. You do tend to get a new perspective once you get away from their constant drama. I remember the feeling after finally filing for D from XWH#1. I knew I would be OK, but I knew he would always be messed up.

dmari posted 5/25/2013 14:30 PM

I need to get him off of my radar other than kids and finances as well. I need to remember how small he is and how little he truly has in his life.

LOVE.THIS.PART.

Isn't it amazing when we can "see" so much more clearly?

tesla posted 5/25/2013 21:14 PM

trying, this is really interesting to me! Throughout my M, I became more and more isolated. In high school and college, I always had a core group of friends. But by the time the D was final, I had no friends. Ex-shat had one friend he hung out with. He never had friends and I let him drag me down into a very unhappy isolation.

This morning I ran a race and bumped into 4 people I knew and had a nice time talking to them. That would not have been possible if I was still married to ex-shat.

I tend to think ex-shat is out living the life...but you know what? I don't think he's on many people's radar either.

Thanks for the new perspective.

persevere posted 5/25/2013 22:13 PM

I remember my mother commenting about how many people were on my side of the church for our wedding versus his side - which was minimal. I didn't connect until post DDay how relevant that was. (Especially considering what a "social" person he seems to be)

[This message edited by persevere at 10:14 PM, May 25th (Saturday)]

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