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Need some advice for tomorrow.

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Douchebagfree posted 5/25/2013 14:40 PM

I'm having lunch tomorrow with my former SIL. She and I have kept in touch over the past few months since she seems to be the only one in the family who sees through Douchebag's lies and bullshit. She texted me today and asked if her daughter and husband (douchebags brother) can join us. I don't have an issue with her 8 year old joining us but I'm a little concerned about his brother being there. I've deleted his entire family from Facebook months ago and his brother messaged me the other day and asked why I deleted him and sent me a new friend request. I haven't responded. What do you all think?

ButterflyGirl posted 5/25/2013 14:52 PM

Well I'm on the other side of this. Most of my in-laws have kept me on Facebook, but I just realized my SIL unfriended me.. It really hurts my feelings, and I have a sneaking suspicion he has told her some lies about me (he tells everyone lies about me, so I think it's a good guess). I'm tempted to ask her why she unfriended me, but perhaps I should let her separate from me for whatever reasons she wants..

I'm a little nervous about your niece being there. Perhaps the conversation will veer into adult topics not appropriate for an 8-year-old?

For now, I'm keeping in touch with my most of my former in-laws with the understanding that we only discuss each other and the kids and not STBX. Then we can continue a relationship without them feeling like they have to choose between us. I'm trying to reinforce to them that they don't have to pick sides, but we can still continue a friendship based on other things..

Though I would be careful how much information you share with them since they are still his family (I'm very vanilla with my Facebook), my thought is to continue the friendship with them.. I know I appreciate all the support I can get..

Good luck..

peridot posted 5/25/2013 14:57 PM

BTDT, if you go keep things very vague. Everything could be innocent but you don't know that. Why would the brother be going if he defriended you on FB? Be cautious, their his family. If it were me, I wouldn't go though.

Douchebagfree posted 5/25/2013 15:22 PM

I deleted his brother and the rest of his family months ago. Maybe he's trying to spy for douchebag, who knows.
Former SIL and I have had the conversation about what really happened so I don't intend to bring any of it up in front of her daughter. This will strictly be to catch up on other things. I don't intend to talk about him or what happened at all :)

PurpleRose posted 5/25/2013 15:46 PM

Why would the brother want to come?

To catch up because he feels like what happened to you is awful and let you know?

Or to gleam information out of you to relay to the X?

I've cut out all of the in-laws- not that any of them were ever interested in me or my children. Not ever.

You need to be cautious, but I think you will know what his intentions are by his attitude. Would you have gone with her and him before the D?

Douchebagfree posted 5/25/2013 16:59 PM

I'm not sure why he wants to come. It's not like he and I were very close so I'm thinking it's to see what he can find out from me.
I haven't contacted any of his family since I asked him to move out but now they're all coming out of the woodwork.
First my former SIL texted me which I'm ok with. About 2 weeks ago his sister called me and told me how douchebag had lied to the entire family about his c u next Tuesday, her words not mine. And now his brother. I really don't know what these people want.
If they're concerned about how I'm doing, there's no need. I'm better than I have been in a long time :)

bigpicture3236 posted 5/25/2013 17:45 PM

I would say it depends on the relationship you had with him previously. Personally, my BILs were like brothers to me and have made it clear that isn't going to change post-divorce.

Perhaps you could manage a quick or lunch to test the waters. Perhaps he is on your side? Regardless, you can keep the conversation away from all things uncomfortable as the niece will be there.

Good luck!

Sad in AZ posted 5/25/2013 18:33 PM

You can speculate all you want, but you won't know until you meet with them. If just the thought of his being there (without any speculation) makes you uncomfortable, then don't go.

I suspect the xBIL is afraid you are badmouthing his brother and wants to come along to see if he is right. He probably pushed his wife for the invite. If you want to meet with her, you'll probably have to put up with their family dynamics.

homewrecked2011 posted 5/25/2013 18:41 PM

Go!!!If they are a "normal" family w/o alot of drama, I say go!

I am so sorry I did not keep the lines of communication open with my XWH family. He told them I was crazy. They never believed me. He is telling them I won't work with him on summer visitation -- which is bogus. I finally fb one sister and told her I'm not the reason why XWH isnt' bringing the kids to see her mom---it's because the kids will TALK> If I had kept commun open it would have helped alot.

If you go and you feel trapped, just go. He's prob gonna say how sorry he is.

Please let us know what happens.

Douchebagfree posted 5/25/2013 20:05 PM

They're not what you'd consider "normal". I've come to realize that the entire family is passive agressive.
They didn't say boo about the fact that 3 weeks after he moved back in with them, his 22 year old girlfriend was coming over for sleepovers. Everyone just stuck their heads in the sand.

Bluebird26 posted 5/26/2013 00:53 AM

My xwh family are certifiable crazy, they have stories that would rival days of our lives

His family pretty much cut me off as I wasn't supportive of his life decisions to be with OW I then unfriended all his family as I didn't want them spying on my life.

Almost a year later x-mil apologised to me for cutting me off, she can now see her son has major issues and she is now frightened of him and what he may do, he is extremely volatile. They also now know the truth.

They now realise if they want to be involved in their grand children's lives they need to stay on my good side or they won't see them. I have limited contact with them, I try to not talk about xwh & OW, they always bring them up but. I try to not give them too much information about me and my life as it is really none of their business. I will facilitate their relationship with my children and that is all.

Xwh's brother recently got married and the kids and I were invited to the wedding. My xwh & OW were not invited and that has now cause world war III with xwh .

It is nice to still be invited to things with his family, after all I have been in their family for more then half my life since I was a teenager. It is hard to break those ties, you need to do what is right for you though. I would test the waters with xbil and see how it goes, guard yourself though.

Douchebagfree posted 5/26/2013 19:18 PM

Lunch went surprisingly well. I asked STBSIL to not invite his brother as it would make me uncomfortable. She said she understood. We had a great meal and chat. Apparently no one in the family is really talking to douchebag once they found out the truth except for his parents. Their heads are still firmly planted in the sand. She also told me that the POS got his sister hooked on pot again after she had quit (she has had a serious drug problem all her life). What a selfish asshole. Thank god the rose coloured glasses were knocked off of my face.

Douchebagfree posted 5/26/2013 19:33 PM

Whoops, STBXSIL.

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