Anyway I told him we had two choices, fix this mess or he could leave. I was tired of waiting for him to decide if he was moving out or not. He said he had not even thought about leaving (WTH). He talks to her every freaking day, they are just friends, old friends and he enjoys talking to her yada yada.
I asked him if he was staying out all night, no but I may be late. Said we would talk about it tomorrow and I could let him know what my decision was. I told him he already knew what mine was, lets fix it or he can go. I got nasty on the phone, so did he and then he apologized. Still blames me for everythng, all my fault, my chldhood, my first marriage on and on. He seems to think he is perfect for some reason, oh wait bet she told him he was.
He wore shorts this morning when he left and some ugly sandals. Now in my minds eye, he does not look good in shorts and especially not those shoes
My heart hurts, I don't want my marriage to end but I don't want it the way it has been the past 2 months. He asked me if he said work on it what would happen. Well for one thing she is not a part of this marriage anymore. He brought the third person into it and I am supposed ot be ok with it why?
I have cried so hard my face is swollen and I can barely see out of my eyes. Have talked to daughter and friend but did no good.
I almost told him I would see them over there and I threatened to call her. He would have a stroke if I showed up there. I just hurt. I don't want him to leave but don't want him to stay like this ether.
Apparently she is not a sure thing or he would already be gone. She may be after today tho because I am sure his tears were for the sympathy factor once he got there.
[This message edited by Jada52 at 3:33 PM, May 25th (Saturday)]
I am sorry he is being an ass!!
It will continue unless you stop it.
Put on your bitch boots and get your ass to that car show.
Please dont allow him to control your life, it's yours to control....take it back.
You are better than 2nd choice, stand up for yourself.
He simply chooses NOT to.
If he wanted to work on your marriage, he wouldn't be taking OW's son to some car show - he'd be HOME listening to what you have to say.
And he chose not to do that.
It's like he's enjoying his "single" life while stringing you along, buying time and claiming you'll talk at a later date - while he continues right on with his plans.
He knows EXACTLY what you want. But he chooses NOT to do it.
The only one who can stop this insanity is YOU.
If you keep offering to reconcile and be there for him, he's going to continue playing you.
Stop being available.
Cut him off at the KNEES.
[This message edited by NeverAgain2013 at 4:09 PM, May 25th (Saturday)]
I am just lost. I know I cannot control him or his actions but this should not be this hard. I know I am not the only one hurting, most everyone here is.
It just has to be one way or the other, not the way it has been the past 2 months. Bitch boots are on and I will be awake when he comes home tonight. I am hoping I can keep it together, not cry and tell him if he is miserable here GO on and leave.
Again, I think she is not a sure thing and that is why he has not already left. Maybe she sees him as a friend only, I don't know, but if they are friends then we all can be friends IMO.Three in a marriage never works.
[This message edited by Jada52 at 4:13 PM, May 25th (Saturday)]
He has made his choice, he went to the show when he should have wanted to come home to his wife.
Do you see this?
Keep those boots on, hell I would hefty bag his stuff while he is at the show.
[This message edited by karmahappens at 4:21 PM, May 25th (Saturday)]
After this last talk and he does not recommit, I am done, no more cooking, cleaning, not doing hs laundry, nothing but paying the bills and taking care of my baby girl (sheltie) and going to work. I already don't sleep due to some thyroid meds being too strong for me, so my mind gets to race all night.
Honestly, I would drive the 2 hours just to show up and see what is actually going on. I think you'll show more control then you think if she is there. But, at least then you would have the proof you need and it would let him know that he is caught, red handed, and there's no way he can lie his way out of that. But, that's up to you, you have to do what's best for YOU!!!
If you don't go then yes, wait up for him when he gets home and get this anger out. You DO NOT have to live like this!
Sending you prayers and hugs Jada52!
I will hear him when he comes home and he will at least get the "look" when he gets here. I am in no mood to talk tonight, it can wait for tomorrow. But there is really nothing to talk about, either re-commit or go, pretty simple choices there.
I don't know but I thank you guys for the encouraging words and letting me vent here. I know we are all here for the same thing and that just makes it sad, but lots of support here and so glad I found this site.
I think that at this point....you take the choice out of his hands. You've left it up to him for 2 months now and he refuses to stop talking to this chick. He is putting her over you. He is showing you what his priorities are....and I'm really sorry to throw salt in your wounds, but you are NOT his priority.
Take care of YOU and your sheltie baby. Fuck this guy. He's a jackass who isn't worthy of you. (although you can probably laugh about the person that had to 'hang' with him at the car show while he was dressed in his shorts/sandals outfit, right? )
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
You go to bed. Or even leave and go to a hotel if you can.
Do NOT give him the 'look'.
IGNORE HIS ASS. NO ATTENTION. At.All.
I have no idea what else to say as I know you are hurting so bad now and I know how that feels but I have to say you really didn't deserve this. He should be working on your relationship now, not disappearing off with someone else's Son and possibly her too.
Hugs for you xx
So anyway I had put a logger on his computer on Saturday and BAM, caught the asshole when I checked reports this morning, an email to her and from her, just friends my ass (I already knew that tho.)
So our mortgage is due the 1st, we both get paid this week. Gonna pay the mortgage one more time before I kick him to the curb. I am done.
How she could do this after it was done to her I have no clue, but she is a trashy whore and I intend to tell her so either right before or right after I hand him their emails and tell him to go
Thank you guys so much for the support given on this site. Sorry we all had to connect for the reasons we did, but I am so thankful I found this site.
Those bitch boots look really good on you. Wear them well.
We had this go on too, but for a long time I didn't know that OW existed.
After I did, the bitch boots came on, but it was the hardest thing I did in my whole life. The pain of child birth compared only a little.
I did much as you are doing and what it did was allow him to keep OW, her tribe and OW junior, who he had "bonded" with (gross) and he could just continue to abandon us with no reprocussions.
What finally jiggled me out of my fog was when some periods of time came where no financial support came and there was no legal way I could stand up for myself and DD.
Also, he bullied his way into our house and some other things, so was able to have his other life and control us even when he wasn't here.
Though I was not detatched in my heart and mind, slowly but surely it started to slow the drama down. And the safety factor for DD and I and our house I could have no control over or fix while he was waltzing in and out and enjoying his double life.
If it were me, I wouldn't even put myself through that car show and having to chance seeing OW and the son. In my mind, when thinking of your situation, the answer is already written on the wall.
And I'm sorry, but as someone said to me, there are all kinds of tricks they can do so they can alter the situation if you arrived.
I wish you some peace during your decision-making time, perhaps a quiet place with a cup of tea or coffee where you can sit and make some decisions.
FWIW, this has made so much stress that I have to almost section myself off-not answer any phones, turn off the electronics...just to think sometimes.
I imagine that you are getting all kinds of advice and probably at times your head feels like it"s swimming-or then can't think at all-but I commend you for facing the situation your H has made and figuring out how to not let him get away with it.
Kudos for your courage.
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.
I kind of feel a relief that it is almost over, altho my heart is shattered that he could do this to me, but I guess it happens more than I knew I will miss him and our life/future together, but I can get over it and move on. Not my first rodeo, but hurts a lot more than the other rides in my past life.
He told me Saturday that he had not thought about leaving, well I got news for him she thinks he is and is planning a future with him. He will leave one way or the other, the easy way or if he chooses the hard way.
I hope all of you have a good day today. My heart hurts, but I am mad enough to not beg him to stay even though he sent me a sweet text earlier - I am thinking are you efing kidding me
my give a damn is busted
Be strong. Keep those boots on and make sure they have steel toes in them so that when you kick him in the teeth, it knocks all of them out!
BTW, what do they call bitch boots for guys?